Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Can you do it and invite the girl that’s being mean ? And the boy she fancies !! That would send an interesting message.

I'd say hold the party, but on a different day.

As others have said, if they clash then there's going to be a dilemma for parents who have already accepted.

Don't you care about bullying? If so I think I would avoid you too.
If my child was involved with kids who's parents encouraged it I'd want to know.

Haven't read the thread but I'd take the moral high ground and have a better party but invite everyone. Mean girl probably won't even come

do it., but before the other party 😬

Another vote for a different date.
I wouldn't invite someone who is actively bullying my child, but would perhaps keep the numbers so they were not the only one not invited.

I wouldn't really want my child involved with either of these families.
One mum wanting to exclude one child because a boy likes them.
Another mum then wanting to humiliate the girl by trying to better her party and host it on the same day. Which is just as bad.

People are still ignoring the fact that this isn't an official end of school leavers party and not all the class are invited anyway.

I would think both families are batshit and would hope my child would make better friends at secondary school.

Jesus. They are 10 years old. Like they’ll give a shit in a few weeks time.

it’s horrible to be excluded from things but neither mum is setting a good example. First child already has issues, that’s clear. Why pile it on ?

First mum sounds like a Cnut and her daughter is going the same way. Be a bigger person, and don’t let your daughter think that this behaviour is acceptable, you have the pool party and don’t invite child 1, you’re as bad as they are.

i would 1000% do it if it was my child.

I didn't advocate for a separate party.

Definitely host the pool party!

Then I would tread very carefully with this then given they are high school together - she has shown you who she is and how she reacts and drama spreads quickly in year 7 and try to extricate DD from her without fuss

I’m not at this stage of parenting yet, but I’d be inclined to kill them with kindness - it’s not weakness, it’s acknowledging pathetic behaviour for what it is, and that ppl can change (especially kids). With a dash of psychological warfare 😁

I think throwing the party the weekend before the last day of school, inviting the girl and the boy, and making it an incredible party will:

• upstage the girl’s party (much deserved imo)
• show up the true colours of the girl and the mum when ppl realise and ask why your DD isn’t invited (won’t the girl be mortified if everyone knows why she uninvited your DD?)
• give an opportunity for the girl to rethink her truly awful behaviour towards your DD, she’s fully the unreasonable one here

Do keep us posted! XOXO, as they say

Definitely do the party but on a different day/time. It makes it very difficult for the other children who may want to come to your daughters party but have already committed elsewhere.

I think your instincts are spot on. This is one of the moments where you show your daughter you’ve got her back. She’ll remember.

Teaching kids to be doormats and to let people treat them poorly - great parenting. I’m sure if the girl and her mother make a sincere apology OP would consider letting her come but if not then that’s on them isn’t it? It’s not being a bigger person to allow a girl who’s been bullying your daughter to come to a party at your house - it’s just being a shit parent.

I would do it

The boy is blameless. It’s the mean girl
snd her mum who are at fault

Not what I would do. It makes you no better than them.

I understand that, but without knowing his name it seemed the easiest way of identifying him shrug

I can’t believe that people are advising OP to invite her child’s bully to the party in order to show some kind of moral high ground and kindness 🤦‍♀️

This is the OP’s DD’s safe space and her mother should invite a girl who is belittling her and laughing at her appearance into her home? Madness.

Yes do it and don’t invite the other girl.

Definitely do it! I wouldn’t do it the same day but yes, teach this girl and her mum a lesson for sure!

I don’t think I’d go out of my way to humiliate a 10 year old girl because I didn’t agree with the approach of her mother. In fact it sounds like vile bully behaviour to me and a very poor lesson to your own DD.

Im sure the girls would be very happy to have two parties/play dates on two separate days and there is no need to go full Mean Girls over the whole thing.

Imagine what things will be like at secondary if you set a president like this so early. Very sad.

I think I would organise a better party and possibly invite the horrible girl who would be obliged to decline but you would look like the bigger person <evil>.