Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Do it, but invite the girl then uninvite her, yeah I'm petty that way!

@Picklelily99are you desperate for friends or to be liked by people? Because no one likes or respects a doormat. I’m glad the op isn’t teaching her daughter to be one.

Then that is fine, but there is a lot of posts where it is becoming a case of trying to out do the other party. Simply inviting some friends round is fine. Inviting the whole class but not this one girl is not ok.
I would also find it bizarre for you to suddenly send out invites for the party at short notice so I would now wait and do it as a casual pool party catch up in the holidays.
It will seem weird to parents of children already going to the other party to get a last minute invitation to another party, and they may not want to get involved in this bickering.

Take the high road. Have the party, pull out all the stops but invite the girl. If she's mean, send her home.

Oh, sorry there is a leaver's party where she gets to celebrate, so this is definitely tit for tat. Not a good look OP.

Op is taking the high road by having her party at a different time. Inviting her child’s bully to their home where DD should be safe from bullies is not taking the high road.

Agree, Its actually tipped over into passive shaming of the bully.

Sorry, missed that.

Yea ! Have the party! Wish I had a mum like that when I was younger

there was a disco in the school lunch hall weeks ago. that’s not the same. Now it’s coming up to the actually end of the year she’s should get to celebrate with her friends. she shouldn’t have bullied and left out in the first place, if this cheers her up then so be it.

I do wonder what the replies would have been like had the other mother been the op, I imagine she would have been ripped to shreds yet people are here telling op she should "be kind" to the bully and her mother.

I might have missed something too: how many are you proposing to invite? If its most but not this girl its a bit too vindictive.

Vindictive na. Why’s the other parent allowing her to uninvite a friend over something like a boy anyway . The other girls mother needs to show her some morals and I just couldn’t imagine allowing my child to uninvite a friend from a party at age 10 ??! Bonkers

are you really suggesting that the girl, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, has to invite the girl who is being immensely mean to her or not have any end of year celebration with her friends at all?!

No I'm not. If you scroll back I've been saying I'd go ahead and have a party and not ask her in response to people who said op should back off and not have a party.

It was just one comment by another poster suddenly made me wonder if the guest list op was proposing was everyone except this girl - in which case I think that does become stooping.

won’t be inviting the whole class because dd isn’t friends with all the boys, she is with all the other girls.

And who is bickering?
I sent one message confirming that dd wasn’t invited, got my reply and left it.

girl is having to stay in at lunch this week and has been moved away from dd in class, dd hasn’t engaged with her at all. I’ve spoken to her teacher

The parents of dds friends who are being invited will know the situation. I sent messages inviting this afternoon and am just yet to here back from one girl and one boy. Nobody thought it was weird or declined except one boy who is going on holiday that day and skipping the last two days anyway.

Ah ok but no it wouldn’t be vindictive to invite the same girls and exclude the bully. How else is she supposed to have the party? She can’t exclude other friends she does like and she can’t be made to invite the mean girl.

Honestly OP I wouldn't even bother replying anymore. Too many doormats would be happy to let their daughter get treated like crap and do nothing about it. And the ones who want you to invite the bully are on another level altogether.

I think asking the same girls but excluding the bully is fine: that's just DD's list which the bully no longer features on.

But asking every girl in the class except the bully is moving into stooping to the same level. Its pretty basic that you don't ask the whole class and exclude only one and I think the trick to effective payback is managing to do it without stooping to the same level! Otherwise its just a stick-throwing brawl.

Yes, two parties, two different days, each girl not going to the other. Sounds like it’s balanced itself out and no extra drama. They’ve got the long summer holidays ahead of them as well, I doubt either will be thinking about the parties at all a week later.

Well there is no issue then. Your daughter is entitled to have who she wants at her party. This girl sounds thoroughly horrible, as does her mum.

Hope your daughter enjoys it

I have one in year 8 going into year 9 next September and one in year 6 going into year 7. Just because the kids are going into the same highschool dose not mean they will need to be in the same circles. My DDs high school is very small by uk standards and she barely sees any of her primary school classmates. Her so called best friend for 7 years of primary was even in her form group but has managed to completely ignore and not say a word to my dd for 2 years. The other girl quickly found her new friends, my dd took a bit longer. I am absolutely not letting my 2nd dd be walked over that way, I was always the mum wanting to make things ok and be the “ better person” but other mums didn’t give a shit about how their kids treat mine so I now say just 100% priories your own especially when the other child and parent don’t give a shit about their behaviour.

i don’t think it’s fair to scare op into thinking she should allow her dd to be walked over.

And high school drama can be managed with the right parenting, my year 8 dd walks away and has been very happy and confident doing this even when she’s tried to be pulled in. The biggest part is she comes home and debrief to us which is really important. We only offer advice if asked but otherwise tell her she’s done the right thing to avoid it.

The same girls and all the girls is the same thing.
there’s only 8 of them.

100% do. That girl was cruel, and her mother worse for not stepping in - clear to see where she gets it from.

But why? 1 girl in my daughters class was so horrible to her and some others that multiple parents made complaints. She repeatedly told my daughter and others that their mummy's were going to die in their sleep! She gets on well with all others. Should she just leave out another girl so the unkind girl isn't only one left out? That's ridiculous!