Page 17 | Dd(10) uninvited from party

BunnyLake · 14/07/2025 12:50

Floatlikeafeather2 · 14/07/2025 12:47

Inconspicuously or do you mean conspicuously? I don't think it would make OP's point if it was inconspicuous.

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Yes, surely the whole point of bigger, better is that it is conspicuous. There are some daft responses on here.

Soulfulunfurling · 14/07/2025 12:56

MzHz · 14/07/2025 12:46

Have the party. Invite the girl. Show everyone that did is the bigger person

I agree with you about most things generally, but in this case I do not.

Dd does not need to prove to anyone that she is a ‘nice’ person, she already is. Teaching her to be nice to school bullies will be viewed as weakness by certain types of people, and she could very well ruin DD’s party, because she can, after all no one seems to be able to stop her currently from behaving poorly.

No child should be so rude and jealous, and remain unchallenged. The other girl is being let down by her parents, who should be raising her to follow through with her guest list in full, and not to disinvite others.

Her parents should also encourage some exploration of her jealousy towards her peers, maybe her self esteem needs some attention, her confidence and sense of self developed. Given she is only ten years old I would also be questioning the need for a boyfriend and where that idea is coming from.

What is needed here are boundaries around what dd is willing to tolerate and a problem solving approach. Good life lessons are available in this situation

Picklelily99 · 14/07/2025 13:56

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 07:16

Would you invite someone to your house for a party who had been mean to you? spent all week calling you ugly and making fun of your curly hair and gapped teeth?
No. So why should my 10 year old? It’s not being a mean girl to just want to spend your free time with being who are kind to you and make you feel good about yourself.

Anyway dd would invite her if I told her to, because she’s 10 and not a mean girl and knows I’m in charge. I’m not going to tell her to because I’m not teaching her that it’s okay to act how this girl has acted and for her to be upset.

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But that's EXACTLY what you want to be! You WANT to be mean! You WANT revenge, on behalf of your daughter. You want a bigger, better party. To show this girl what? That you can outdo her on the party stakes? That you've got a 'bigger pool anyway so ner ner ner!' Showing someone you're being friendly DESPITE what they're doing to you, throws them completely! They can't handle it! And to all the world watching, YOU are being perfectly lovely, so there's absolutely no comeback!

Finteq · 14/07/2025 13:58

Picklelily99 · 14/07/2025 13:56

But that's EXACTLY what you want to be! You WANT to be mean! You WANT revenge, on behalf of your daughter. You want a bigger, better party. To show this girl what? That you can outdo her on the party stakes? That you've got a 'bigger pool anyway so ner ner ner!' Showing someone you're being friendly DESPITE what they're doing to you, throws them completely! They can't handle it! And to all the world watching, YOU are being perfectly lovely, so there's absolutely no comeback!

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I completely disagree with the points you're making.

But what's actually wrong with being mean?

It's such a childish insult.

You are so mean.

And usually directed at girls.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/07/2025 14:00

I'd have my own party. Mum is in the wrong for reinforcing her daughter's behaviour.

Shefliesonherownwings · 14/07/2025 14:02

Am I the only one concerned about an 8 year old being so into boys that she uninvited a girl to her birthday because of a boy?!

Go for it OP, enjoy your party and putting your DD first, she’s done nothing wrong and there’s also nothing wrong with you wanting end of year party for her friends.

DrowningInSyrup · 14/07/2025 14:17

Picklelily99 · 14/07/2025 13:56

But that's EXACTLY what you want to be! You WANT to be mean! You WANT revenge, on behalf of your daughter. You want a bigger, better party. To show this girl what? That you can outdo her on the party stakes? That you've got a 'bigger pool anyway so ner ner ner!' Showing someone you're being friendly DESPITE what they're doing to you, throws them completely! They can't handle it! And to all the world watching, YOU are being perfectly lovely, so there's absolutely no comeback!

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I really don't think you can invite someone to a party, who has been bullying you. It would be miserable.

Objectively, it's not a party to exclude the other girl, it's a party so that DD can celebrate end of year, having been cruelly dumped from the one that is already happening. If you're going to have a party, might as well make sure it's a good one.

Why would anyone pander to a bully? I wouldn't want one within 50ft of my daughter.

diddl · 14/07/2025 14:30

I wouldn't invite the bully.

I mean she wouldn't want to go to the party of a girl she doesn't like would she?

treesandsun · 14/07/2025 14:44

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 14/07/2025 09:46

A last minute party 2 days before the original party, you sound 10 yourself OP.

Your DD could have celebrated with a couple of friends having a play date or trip into town.

To actually copy the other girl is sad.

What happens in high school when she's excluded?

She wouldn't need a last minute party if she hadn't been disinvited to the one she was invited to. Why should she miss out on celebrating with all her friends at the end of school because some nasty little bully and her mother think it's OK to exclude her? The amount door mats on here that think it's fine to just let people Walk all over you.

No wonder there's so many threads of women being treated like shit by their partners /mother in Laws/ Sisters and Co Workers is because they've been indoctrinated to turn the other cheek and take the high ground from being children.

Moonnstars · 14/07/2025 14:48

heroinechic · 14/07/2025 10:46

My god half the posters on here would have you think that not excluding a child will turn OP’s child into a people pleasing door mat with no self esteem or boundaries 😂 it’s all so dramatic.

I fell out with a girl in primary and didn’t want to invite her to my party. My mum said you either have a big party and invite everyone, or you have a small party with a select few, but you don’t get to use your party to punish or exclude another child. That is exactly what this ‘boy crazy’ girl’s mother should have told her daughter, and what OP should be telling her daughter.

This is not a case where the girl is genuinely being bullied. This is two little girls who have fallen out for a week over a boy and unkind words have been said. They’ll be friends again before you know it and you should prepare for a lot more of this as they grow up.

My niece is 13 and her friendship group is constantly evolving. It’s a tumultuous time and it was the same when I was in school. If OP never lets a girl into their home who has been mean to her child, she’ll never have anyone round by the time she reaches 14!

This!!

We are only getting one side of the story about this girl being 'mean'. It seems to happen all the time with girls falling out and calling eachother names then being mates again a week later.

@freddiewini you still haven't said whether there is an official school leavers event which everyone is invited to.
There are some still missing the fact that 'mean girl' isn't hosting a party for everyone and that not all the class were invited anyway. People seem to be making a big thing about this leavers party but it's simply another mum that has offered to host some of her daughter's friends.

Calliopespa · 14/07/2025 16:00

GrannyGoggles · 13/07/2025 19:07

Don’t. Go high, not low

I'd normally agree but ... "you know what girls that age are like" is the winning phrase for op here!

Calliopespa · 14/07/2025 16:02

anyway the original party is still going ahead: its not harming the girl who un-invited dd. She's getting what she wants.

lunar1 · 14/07/2025 16:40

I hope your daughter has a lovely leavers pool party

MustWeDoThis · 14/07/2025 17:12

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 18:56

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Absolutely do it. The best lessons are taught with a dose of humiliation and humble pie. Make it epic with goody bags - Cheap, sparkly nail varnish, lipgloss, fidget toys, sweets etc. My nan used to throw a 'lucky day' party and she would coat a massive sponge in chocolate and smarties and call it a lucky day cake.

Original poster

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 17:23

Picklelily99 · 14/07/2025 13:56

But that's EXACTLY what you want to be! You WANT to be mean! You WANT revenge, on behalf of your daughter. You want a bigger, better party. To show this girl what? That you can outdo her on the party stakes? That you've got a 'bigger pool anyway so ner ner ner!' Showing someone you're being friendly DESPITE what they're doing to you, throws them completely! They can't handle it! And to all the world watching, YOU are being perfectly lovely, so there's absolutely no comeback!

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Why are you so angry? It’s not revenge. It’s making up for my daughter being bullied, letting her have a leavers party with her friends, that’s it. She’s already upset, she’s didn’t do anything wrong, why should I make her suffer more?

OP posts:

Original poster

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 17:27

Moonnstars · 14/07/2025 14:48

This!!

We are only getting one side of the story about this girl being 'mean'. It seems to happen all the time with girls falling out and calling eachother names then being mates again a week later.

@freddiewini you still haven't said whether there is an official school leavers event which everyone is invited to.
There are some still missing the fact that 'mean girl' isn't hosting a party for everyone and that not all the class were invited anyway. People seem to be making a big thing about this leavers party but it's simply another mum that has offered to host some of her daughter's friends.

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They haven’t just fallen out and haven’t been calling each either names. Dd hasn’t called her anything, she has been picked on and laughed at because some boy said he fancied her, that’s not her fault, she’s not even friends with him.

there has already been a leavers disco that everyone was invited to.

if it’s simply a mum hosting some of her daughters friends then why can’t I just simply be a mum hosting some of my daughters friends too?

OP posts:

diddl · 14/07/2025 17:34

if it’s simply a mum hosting some of her daughters friends then why can’t I just simply be a mum hosting some of my daughters friends too?

You can.

It just doesn't have to clash with the original party.

Calliopespa · 14/07/2025 17:36

diddl · 14/07/2025 17:34

if it’s simply a mum hosting some of her daughters friends then why can’t I just simply be a mum hosting some of my daughters friends too?

You can.

It just doesn't have to clash with the original party.

Isn't that actually less mean: to do it when the uninvited have something else to distract them anyway?

Original poster

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 17:39

diddl · 14/07/2025 17:34

if it’s simply a mum hosting some of her daughters friends then why can’t I just simply be a mum hosting some of my daughters friends too?

You can.

It just doesn't have to clash with the original party.

As I have already said. Dd will have hers this weekend. Other girls is Tuesday after.

OP posts:

Hulabalu · 14/07/2025 17:40

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 17:39

As I have already said. Dd will have hers this weekend. Other girls is Tuesday after.

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Why not make it clash 😄

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 14/07/2025 17:47

Divide and conquer I say.

SharpFox · 14/07/2025 17:52

Yes, do it! X

SharpFox · 14/07/2025 17:52

Yes, do it! X

Calliopespa · 14/07/2025 17:54

SharpFox · 14/07/2025 17:52

Yes, do it! X

Exactly, And why not a clash? Your dd is no longer otherwise engaged...

Whatdoidotoday · 14/07/2025 18:10

Please please do it and make it epic. Shitty 10yo needs to learn a lesson.