Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

All these #be kind or be the better person posts are making me want to throw my phone in anger 😡
Why the fuck should this little girl be kind to a child who has attempted to make her last days of primary school miserable?
Why should Op teach her dd to be a doormat all in the name of being “nice”???

You all think that bully girl and her cronies will suddenly get an invite to dd’s party and realise their wrongs and feel instantly guilty?
They won’t, they’ll see it as an invitation to keep dishing it out because dd will keep being “nice” to them.
life doesn’t work like a Disney film.

Op has already agreed she isn’t organising a clashing party (which would be tempting but probably a step too far) but there’s absolutely no reason why dd shouldn’t celebrate the end of term the way she wants to.
She shouldn’t sacrifice her own happiness so that the bullies don’t get upset.

Fuck the 'be kind' twats.
Have your party and have a great time!

Do it!! DO NOT try and take the moral high ground and invite the other girl. Why on earth would you do that? Hopefully the OG hears about it and realises her actions have consequences.

We have done this before. It is a good life lesson for the other girl and her mother. It’s extremely poor form to uninvite someone unless for a very good reason such as bullying.

Having your own party teaches dd resilience.

I would also take her out somewhere fun when the other party is taking place. Maybe dress shopping or decorations for her party.

The meaness and bullying has only happened since she was uninvited because the boy said he fancied dd.

even if dd was reinivited to this party now she wouldn’t want to go. like I said in my op my dd was not best friends with this girl but was friends, she has a history of being mean and upsetting others but it’s been quiet for a while.

DO IT!!!! Let her have the BEST end of year party!!!!!

Well, hope the boy doesn’t get wind of the power he wields.

My Mum made me invite a girl to my birthday party who had been bullying me. She said what quite a few people in this thread had done. The party was awful for me, I felt so uncomfortable, didn't want to be there, felt upset everytime I saw this other child and have always said I would never put a child of mine through that.

Me neither but my, at the time, best friend was mad about boys. I can still remember her saying let’s go to such n such restaurant (it was a bistro type place, an odd choice) and meet boys, we were TEN! The thought terrified me (we didn’t go) but she was a very precocious child (this was back in the early 70s, so no TikTok or SM influences, and an only child so no older sister influence). We lost touch after primary but I sometimes wonder where her teenage years took her. She wasn’t really mean though but quite bossy.

I’ve just remembered a mum telling me her daughter and friend had fallen out because they both liked my son (he was about 8) he was horrified as he wasn’t interested in girls then and very reserved. Horrified at the idea girls fancied him, not by the fallout 😁).

Dd isn’t at all interested in this boy, they are not even friends. He has no power over her.

Can you not see how sad you sound? You'd spend a fortune to spite someone who doesn't think much of you and probably won't care or notice? Do you really not care what you are teaching your kids?

The girl does, this is exactly my point. You've given the girl power.

Awful isn’t it! Not inviting the girl to dd’s party is understandable but the lengths some mums are willing to go to for revenge is startling and depressing, all in the name of being a ‘good’ mum.

Having a party on another day and not inviting the bully, with no added drama or fanfare about it, is a totally rational and understandable thing to do.

The lesson that the whole world is not set up for her, that people can be unkind and sometimes you just have to leave em to it.

That money and stuff and shit food won't solve your problems any more than bleating to the teacher and having a pool will.

The happiness that comes from knowing your parents love you and you have helped other people.

No it teaches petty minded greed.

I was super bullied in my first 3 years of
secondary school. Even had a party for my 15th where no one came - but my scouts friends and my cousins came which saved the day and my self esteem. I remember fishing my pencil case out the bin.

as much as I hate bullies of any shape or form, and as Much as I hate mean people, to this day I go high not low.

bullies work on the asumption that they can flatten you. As soon as they realise they cant, they ve got no more power over you. I genuinely feel sorry for bullies and it shows on my face, what they must be going through in their lives to be like that must be hard.

my “revenge” for lack of a better word is always go high and then higher.
keep your friends close and your enemy closer.

i get that you dont want this girl in your house and you re protecting your daughter. But you ve got to model strength to her: you are not mean and you can let it slide and maybe forgive (not forget) because you know she s mean, possibly immature and insecure, and you re above that because your values are higher. Yes maybe some
people might think it s worst and quite passive aggressive but thats my way to dealing with bullies and this is what I tell my children.

in our families stand-byers and bullies are as bad as each other and no tolerance.

then if girl carried on, i would carry building my child strength and confidence to challenge bullies of any shape or form. It take a long time, it s hard but it works I promise you.
my children have challenged a few of those and I am so damn proud

It’s fine for dd to have a party on a different day.

Agree 100%

There seems to be an expectation with some for youngsters to embrace and overlook behaviour that adults wouldn’t accept for a second.

I don’t spend time socialising with people who are horrible to me. Why should my children?

I hate this kind of thing. The little sod. Invite her to the party too, then lock her in your cellar.

OP, have the party for your DD and definitely do not invite the bully. Ignore all the comments about 'taking the higher ground and inviting her', because this will only teach the bully that there are no consequences for her behaviour, so you'll be doing her no favours (or any others she gets to bully going forward). I'm shocked that so many seem to think it's o.k. to invite a bully into your home and play nice. Bizarre! Hope your DD has a lovely party with her lovely friends. x

Nope, i wouldnt have a revenge party. It sends all the wrong signals to your daughter. There will be other situations in the future where you wont have the control to kick back so hard against the bullies and this will just make your DD more vulnerable.

If it was me i would accept the support of her best friend and invite her over for an amazing day together. Her not going to this other girls party shows strength, friendship and solidarity. Above all else it also shows that you dont have to be petty against someone who is trying to be valid in your daughters life.

Bullies and their enabling parents tend to try to take up headspace in their victims heads and thrive on it. Move on and ignore. Chances are when the other kids hear how much fun the girls had they will be gutted they went to the bullies house.

Bully and her mum wont have any ammunition to have a go at you as you just did your own thing.

Can you just say to the Mum that you are creating a party so that your DD can have a nice end of school celebration with her friends. That her DD is invited because you would never intentionally leave a child out but that you would prefer her not to come after all the bullying that has happend over the last few weeks and that your DD needs time to be around children that are kind to her... Or something along those lines?

A last minute party 2 days before the original party, you sound 10 yourself OP.

Your DD could have celebrated with a couple of friends having a play date or trip into town.

To actually copy the other girl is sad.

What happens in high school when she's excluded?

@Tessasandersonso the OP’s daughter doesn’t get a party at all? So basically her daughter is being punished for something out of her control and she has to miss out now completely. Great early message to send to her daughter that her self worth is tied up by whether boys fancy her or not.