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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(10) uninvited from party

613 replies

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 18:56

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

OP posts:
BlueRin5eBrigade · 14/07/2025 07:39

I would have the party.. I would invite the whole class excluding anyone who is mean and bullies her. If its that one girl the so be it. She's entitled to have a party without the anxiety of her bully coming. If the bullies mum says anything I'd say sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to people calling them ugly and bullying them. Your girl doest have to be kind to her bully. I'd also do something o. The day of the party with your DD and her best friend.

wineosaurusrex · 14/07/2025 07:45

Do it!!!! 100%. Make sure it is bigger and better. I'd go fully over board and spend a fortune just to be a bitch and make sure the other girls party looks crap in comparison bit then when someone upset my child I turn a bit evil

BunnyLake · 14/07/2025 07:45

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 07:16

Would you invite someone to your house for a party who had been mean to you? spent all week calling you ugly and making fun of your curly hair and gapped teeth?
No. So why should my 10 year old? It’s not being a mean girl to just want to spend your free time with being who are kind to you and make you feel good about yourself.

Anyway dd would invite her if I told her to, because she’s 10 and not a mean girl and knows I’m in charge. I’m not going to tell her to because I’m not teaching her that it’s okay to act how this girl has acted and for her to be upset.

Show quote history

I was bullied at school and no way would I want them in my home. I think your resolution to the issue as per your update is a sensible one.

MsOvary · 14/07/2025 07:47

Yes definitely do it but invite the mean girl too.

That would be going high to her going low.

user1492757084 · 14/07/2025 07:47

Yes, great idea to invite ten girls, who are not invited to the other party, to a lovely pool party sleep over.

If it is a different night - you could include some of the other girls and maybe even the mean girl (but only for the pool party bit for her).

Isitreallysohard · 14/07/2025 07:48

KitsPoint · 14/07/2025 07:18

It would be one thing if OP’s daughter was already due to have a party (etc upcoming birthday), and OP and DD decided not to invite this other girl. That would be quite understandable/reasonable.

Ditto, to want to do something nice for OP’s daughter to cheer her up after being disinvited and missing out.

But to organise a party the main/only purpose of which is to exclude a 10 year old, and to rub her (and her mother’s) face in it?!

Yep that’s stooping to the same shitty, petty, relational bullying level of the other mum and daughter.

Sloe hand clap for anyone that thinks that’s the solution here.

Thank you a normal person!! 🫡

wineosaurusrex · 14/07/2025 07:49

I would have the party the same day. I would deliberately not invite the bully. Why are there so many parents who don't want to stand up for their child on this thread? it's so bizarre.

BunnyLake · 14/07/2025 07:50

Isitreallysohard · 14/07/2025 07:48

Thank you a normal person!! 🫡

Show quote history

There have been many normal (rational) responses amongst the braying for blood lot.

Shenmen · 14/07/2025 07:51

Isitreallysohard · 14/07/2025 00:00

This. How ridiculous to throw a party and not invite the girl, petty and pathetic. You'd be a terrible role model for your daughter. Have a party, but invite everyone.

Show quote history

I would never invite someone who has disinvited to me to a party because some man, who I had no interest in fancied me. And then had the audacity to call me names at work.

I have many lovely friends I don't have time or energy for bullies.

wineosaurusrex · 14/07/2025 07:51

Isitreallysohard · 14/07/2025 07:48

Thank you a normal person!! 🫡

Show quote history

Umm no - she's arranging a party because if she doesn't then her child will be the only person who doesn't experience any leavers party because her bully has excluded her. How is that fair? If OP has no party than neither does OP's daughter and she will feel gutted and left out.

wineosaurusrex · 14/07/2025 07:56

Shenmen · 14/07/2025 07:51

I would never invite someone who has disinvited to me to a party because some man, who I had no interest in fancied me. And then had the audacity to call me names at work.

I have many lovely friends I don't have time or energy for bullies.

Show quote history

Exactly ! My mum was like these posters - she'd definitely have forced me to invite my bully to a party. In fact, she often did. She loved to feel all morally superior by acting like this. I'd have loved to have a mum who stood up for me and protected me and made me feel like my feelings matter and that they were in my corner. That's how OPs daughter will feel if she has the party and doesn't invite a horrible bully who verbally abuses her. I really pity thr children of the posters who say they'd force their child to invite their bully to their party.

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/07/2025 07:57

The other girl and her mother are behaving poorly. Speak to your DD's school about the name-calling so that can be stopped.

Holding a "rival" party at the same time as the other girl's would be mean.

Holding another party a few days before/after is of course fine. Are there others in mean girl's group who are joining in with the name calling/cheerleading the mean girl or just that DD is not close friends with? Inviting a smaller group of DD's friends to a party helps secure your DD's bonds with her friends, lets them have fun together and avoids any concerns that you/DD are stooping to this girl's level.

WickWood · 14/07/2025 07:57

Your poor daughter! I also have no idea girls are interested in boys at that age, I certainly wasn't!

sassyduck · 14/07/2025 07:58

Have the party. Good for you for standing up. for your DD. I hope you bring the bullying up with the school though. Unacceptable and needs sorting.

Original poster
freddiewini · 14/07/2025 08:01

KitsPoint · 14/07/2025 07:18

It would be one thing if OP’s daughter was already due to have a party (etc upcoming birthday), and OP and DD decided not to invite this other girl. That would be quite understandable/reasonable.

Ditto, to want to do something nice for OP’s daughter to cheer her up after being disinvited and missing out.

But to organise a party the main/only purpose of which is to exclude a 10 year old, and to rub her (and her mother’s) face in it?!

Yep that’s stooping to the same shitty, petty, relational bullying level of the other mum and daughter.

Sloe hand clap for anyone that thinks that’s the solution here.

The purpose of the party is not to exclude the girl. It’s so my dd gets to celebrate the end of year with her friends and to cheer up up from being kicked out from the party she thought she was going to and bullied for the last week. Why should she go without that?

OP posts:
ALPS100 · 14/07/2025 08:02

MsOvary · 14/07/2025 07:47

Yes definitely do it but invite the mean girl too.

That would be going high to her going low.

Is "going high" the new #bekind - or is it just in this thread it has been said ad nauseum so much?

Going high/ #bekind = women who spend their adult lives being people pleasers

Drfosters · 14/07/2025 08:08

I am struggling honestly that we are talking about 10 year olds here. My daughter was playing with dolls at 10. The idea a parent would disinvite a child because her daughter was upset a boy ‘fancied’ her….
i’d be honestly going off at the other parent about how utterly weird and inappropriate that is.

i can’t see why you shouldn’t have a party- why should your daughter miss out?

BunnyLake · 14/07/2025 08:09

Isitreallysohard · 14/07/2025 00:00

This. How ridiculous to throw a party and not invite the girl, petty and pathetic. You'd be a terrible role model for your daughter. Have a party, but invite everyone.

Show quote history

I have to disagree with this. I think I would have been physically sick if my bully was in my house.

GrannyGoggles · 14/07/2025 08:18

For me going high is about taking the time to step back, consider where I want to be and how I want to feel, taking a longer view. It’s is about being kind - to me. Looking after my interests, not being reactive. Being strategic. Sometimes it means doing something that in that moment I don’t really want to

OP and her daughter are justifiably hurt and offended.

What would they both like? A happy summer, a positive end to primary school, looking forward to secondary school, learning to manage unpleasant, unkind behaviour? Or an escalating, tit for tat squabble

treesandsun · 14/07/2025 08:20

All this rise above it and invite the girl wtf. This is just setting up a lifetime swallowing your feelings and taking shit you don't deserve. The other girl has got the excuse of being 10 and hopefully will learn. Uninviting your daughter was bad enough but name calling and bullying -why should your daughter have anything to do with her? Would the people who said rise above it invite someone who'd made disparaging rude remarks to them into their house? I certainly wouldn't and I wouldn't expect my child to.
Id have some choice words to say to the mother as well when she said you know what girls that age are like . I'd tell you yes well I know what my child's like But unfortunately yours seem to be a bully who's made disparaging remarks to mine all week and you feel that this is fine. If my child had uninvited another child and called them names I would threaten to cancel their party until they 'd apologised profusely and meant it and be prepared to follow this through.

The child and the mother need to learn their actions Or in the mother's case inactions have consequences.

User37482 · 14/07/2025 08:35

If it were me I’d do it to make sure my DD gets to go to an end of years party as well. Op’s daughter would have been really excited, to be disinvited and then bullied is shit. Why should OP’s DD have a shit end of year, she’s not done anything wrong.

Also why teach your DD to be a bloody doormat, if they aren’t nice to you then you have absolutely no obligation to be nice to them. Anything other than this sets up people pleasing. I know because my mum definitely made me into a people pleaser. Fuck that, it’s horrible, you feel like a coward all the time.

Go for it OP, I hope your DD enjoys her party, she has nothing to feel bad about.

dippy567 · 14/07/2025 08:41

If my child had been invited to a party by someone who was actively mean to them (and a 'bully') , think I'd have suggested they don't go to the party from the outset? Then the uninviting would not have been an issue.

Bit mean girl to go to a party of someone you don't like (and who is mean to you/bullies you) just because everyone you're more popular (sorry 'liked') and everyone else is?

Wonder if this is more the mean mums trying to out do the less popular/affluent mums (we'll show them who has the best party, best house with a pool no less and child is most popular)...

treesandsun · 14/07/2025 08:44

dippy567 · 14/07/2025 08:41

If my child had been invited to a party by someone who was actively mean to them (and a 'bully') , think I'd have suggested they don't go to the party from the outset? Then the uninviting would not have been an issue.

Bit mean girl to go to a party of someone you don't like (and who is mean to you/bullies you) just because everyone you're more popular (sorry 'liked') and everyone else is?

Wonder if this is more the mean mums trying to out do the less popular/affluent mums (we'll show them who has the best party, best house with a pool no less and child is most popular)...

Edited

The original post said the girl uninvited her when she realised that a boy she fancied - fancied the O PS daughter and then started being mean to her and bullying her.

DropZone5PleaseBen · 14/07/2025 08:45

KeepCalmAndPretendItIsOnTheLessonPlan · 13/07/2025 19:04

I think that would come under reaping what you sow and might be a decent lesson to both the girl and her mum.
I'd also prepare yourself for a text message from said mum, at which point you shorten your reply to: Sorry, I'm sure you know what girls that age are like when it comes to being hurt and humiliated in class.
As an aside, it is damned scary how many young girls are seeking validation from boys so early. I think the modern parlance is thirsty but good God, TikToks should be banned.

Completely agree with all of this. Scary times.

Namechangerage · 14/07/2025 08:46

freddiewini · 14/07/2025 08:01

The purpose of the party is not to exclude the girl. It’s so my dd gets to celebrate the end of year with her friends and to cheer up up from being kicked out from the party she thought she was going to and bullied for the last week. Why should she go without that?

Show quote history

She shouldn’t. Do the party OP.

You’re not “being spiteful”. You’re replacing the experience that your DD would have had but the other parent took away from her. And I do blame the other parent because she should have told her daughter not to be so ridiculous.

And why invite a bully into your home? Honestly some posters seem to care more about “keeping up appearances” than their own kids’ wellbeing.