Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Get a grip woman, you're not 10! Don't stoop so low! By all means have a party, but INVITE the other girl, show her your daughter is the bigger person, no grudges etc! Don't let your daughter see YOU being the mean girl! Honestly, you'll both feel better for it.

Throw her a massive party, invite all of her class mates, except for that one girl! Hopefully, that will teach her a valuable life lesson!

@Picklelily99 @Isitreallysohard Why on earth would @freddiewini daughter invite someone to her party who excluded her, made horrible comments to her and dragged her into drama? That’s not about being a mean girl or a “bitch” (nice way to describe a child) it’s just about having a very basic level of self respect and not being a complete mug.

Regardless of having her own (hopefully fabulous) party this weekend, OPs daughter is now going to spend the evening of her very last day at primary school on her own whilst all her school mates are at a party together, that she’s been excluded from. That’s really really shit for her and you think she should host this girl?? What crap level of self respect are you teaching your kids?

No.

You want the OP's daughter to feel miserable or stressed at her own party?

When I was bullied at school, my mother tried really hard to boost my confidence. It really didn't work. The relentless bullying had a profound effect on me.

Had my mother been misguided enough to invite the ringleader into our home, I would have been distraught.

This. I can see why so many MNers don't have healthy relationships and often not any friends. This is a life teaching moment OP, you get to choose to empower your daughter or teach her to let someone make her feel small and stoop to their level. So shocked at many of the responses on here, clearly people have zero emotional intelligence

Well that's fair, but all this girl is likey to do is bullying her afterwards. Kill woth kindness and all that I personally don't think it's a good approach to be as petty.

Exactly bitchy mums creating bitchy daughters

Believe me, being kind to a genuine bully simply does not work: it simply empowers the bully.

I cannot believe you are a teacher, that is beyond depressing to read

This really seems like a jealousy issue around a boy, and not a fully fledged bully situation. It's actually a great opportunity for DD to show her maturity and tell the other girl that she has no interest in the boy rather than this ridiculous overblown reaction. If this girl does have form for being mean, I can only see it getting worse. And pulling everyone into the drama. It seems something out of an Mean Girls movie, not for 10 year olds. OP should be embarrassed (although I totally understand why she was pissed off in the first place, a pity the mothers couldn't have been more mature about the whole thing)

This. You wouldn't have had to arrange it if mean girl hadn't been mean. Your DD deserves a party just as much as the rest of them

I can’t believe the other Mum let her 10 year old uninvited someone over a boy! You do mean 10 years old not year 10 don’t you?
I was team do it but I do usually aim high rather than low. Pool parties are great though and it’s good to get the use out of it!

That sounds awesome, a really memorable fun time for everyone.

Throw a “pool party” on a different day. DD gets to invite anyone she wants, she doesn’t have to invite the mean girl. It stops this escalating & appearing spiteful. (Just make sure your party is better 😂).

I'd have it definitely. Do it on a different day & invite all the class.

If you get kickback from the other mum just say you didn't want your DD to miss out on a leaver's party so are doing your own, no worry, it's on a different day.

I absolutely believe we should teach our kids to be proactive without being nasty. Too many times we sit in the corner and cry & the bullies win!! That's not the high road, imo.

Nah you absolutely should do this. Teach the little cow a lesson. I wouldn't be surprised if the boy the friend likes was the first to accept the invitation. So rather shot herself in the foot there.

It's definitely not on you to "be the better person" or any such nonsense, people can make up their own minds if they want to come to yours or not. Don't let your daughter be treated like a doormat.

Ok, let’s take the kids out of this, say it’s a group of school mums, should mean mum who uninvited another mum A be invited to party that mum A is having on a different day. Screw that. Have your party, don’t invite the mean girl and should this result in a re-invitation in exchange for including that little
girl then that’s up to you guys.

Ive made my daughter do the “right thing” before and honestly the mean kids just keep on being mean and the mums ignore it, and carry on. I say have your party and don’t invite mean girl.

No, it's not being the bigger person to teach a girl to tolerate abuse and welcome trauma.
Teach girls to hold boundaries, to not accept being treated poorly and to know that they and their feelings matter more than someone else's.

She isn't responsible for her bullies feeling and poor choices.
And i know I'd feel better and more empowered knowing that I chose me and myself over someone who would openly hurt me.

Mean girl and mean mum would not be sitting at home thinking “aren’t nice girl and nice mum so kind, I feel terrible about uninviting this girl and teasing her and to think I said it was just kids being at that age”. They will absolutely not be thinking this, they would show up with not a smidge of apology, just being entitled a-holes. Have a party, have a great one!

I haven’t read the whole thread, just the gist and op’s replies, but my first thought upon reading the op was that this would be petty revenge and without knowing the full story I think it would be unwise to provoke further issues. If your dd has a birthday next month, op, I would have a party then. By all means don’t invite the girl (I understand your anger, I’d be furious too) but at least it won’t seem quite so tit for tat if you bide your time. Revenge is after all a dish best served cold.

it might also give your dd and this girl time to resolve any fall out because I seem to remember girls that age fall out one day and are best friends the next. I completely see why you don’t want this girl in your house op but as the adult I do think you should be the bigger person here. 😬

So every other child gets the memory of an end of primary party....but the OPs daughter?

The whole class wasn't invited, although many are suggesting that OP invite the whole class but not this girl. Says alot, why women tear themselves apart over a men except in this case they are 10 year old kids 😣 What are you teaching your daughters, sad! And it is extremely bitchy behaviour. Both of these women will look like a joke to all the other (normal) parents, no one will think good on OP. So many of the responses on here are bordering on hysterical 🤣

So even more chidlren get the joy of this experience.
The OPs daughter had this dangled in front of her and then ripped away. The OP would just be stepping in to cover the gap caused by someone else.

Obviously the girl wouldn't be invited...you dont invite someone who hurt you to your home, that's common sense.

Bitchy? To create your own happiness and contentment outside of the control of others?

Why are you teaching your daughters to be doormats and welcoming abuse in relationships?

Dramatic much 🙄