To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

[MyameVyce]

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

I nearly asked the same question if it’s any help, because it seemed an odd take. Why shouldn’t you tell your siblings that you’re trying for a baby? If you’re close to each other and talk about important things in your life. It’s certainly not “creepy”.

I would 100 percent tell him. She's perpetuating a an extremely serious deception on your brother. You can't just stand by.

Why ask your question if you didn't expect an answer? Do you have a problem with different points of view?

I find the "ooh we're trying for a baby" discussions toe- curling. I have a child so does my sibling.

Ridiculous advice.

Creepy wouldn't be my first choice of word. "Toe curlingly twee" would be mine.

Obviously you’d use a phrase you didn’t find twee. Point is that it’s not creepy to discuss with your siblings the fact that you want to have children and are trying to make that happen. Some people discuss these things with their families, it doesn’t make them creepy. It’s such a strange word to use.

Your loyalty is to your brother in this case. He has a right to know and decide what he does or doesn´t want to do.

I would have told him straight away. My loyalty would be to my brother 100%, not to some deceitful bitch.

Why do you think everyone is like you? "Creepy" wasn't my word. I initially agreed but it's not the right word. I find anyone telling me "they are trying for a baby" / trying to make that happen toe curlingly twee.

"Loyalty" isn't a word I'd use given OP has blabbed to her best friend about this.

This is so weird that I think I would just tell your DB what was said and how. Say you have no idea whether she was joking or hoping you would pass the message on to him or something else, but this is what happened, and you have literally nothing else to say except that you were puzzled. Then it's up to him what he does.

Where did I say everyone was like me? I said that creepy was an odd word to use - like there’s something sinister going on. I was merely pointing out that some families talk about things like this and there’s nothing wrong with it.

I wasn't the poster who first described it as creepy- so perhaps you could take the point up with her.

I do however think that creepy might not be the wrong word for the OP's inappropriate gossiping with her friend.

You must tell him. If you don’t and he finds out you knew (and she surely will tell him you knew if her back is against the wall) it will destroy your relationship. Imagine your sense of betrayal of the situation was reversed.

And yes, he should divorce her.

Very often in families people set traps. Can you be sure she is avoiding pregnancy?

She could be saying that, just to see if you will tell your brother!

This.

OP, personally I’d be pushing SiL to tell bro before you do. That’s not ok.

yes. something like this...

What your SIL has done is let you know, probably in the hope that you may say something to him so that she doesn't have to. Its very immature of her.
Did she say why she didn't want children? Is it a case of she'd rather wait a while? Does she have time for that?

What a horrible position to be in. Especially if when the cats out of the bag she will probably tell him that she'd already told you.

She needs to talk to him.

You could just say your wife made a comment to me I’m not sure if she was joking or not then just say to him she said she’s on the pill. Then it’s up to him to decide what to do. This would make sense to why she is refusing medical tests though. If she’s lying to you that’s better than stringing your db along. Blood is thicker than water your loyalty is to him not her. If she’s being serious she’s being selfish letting him think it’s not happening when she is deliberately making it so it can’t happen.

And if a man was in a position to do this to a woman? Despicable behaviour. I would tell my brother. If she has shared the information that is her problem.

So if anybody tells you anything about their medical issues, sexual health or reproductive choices and specifically said it's in confidence, you think it's OK to go tell anybody you feel like? Or is it just for women who aren't fulfilling their womanly duties in producing children even when they don't want to?

I think you should tell him, he's wasting his life on someone that is denying him something he really wants

Absolutely, poor guy. Is he minted by any chance?

I would tell her that I wasn't prepared to keep that secret and that I would tell my brother.

The OP hasn't kept it secret. She's blabbed to her friend about it. I seem to be the only poster who thinks the OP lost the high ground there- cares so much about her brother but happy to gossip about him behind his back.

I'd tell him, that's horrible of her to pretend to be trying for a baby with him when she knows she's on contraception. If she doesn't more children that's fair enough but be honest about it and don't let him have that heartbreak month after month when there's no positive pregnancy test. He's your brother so your loyalty should lie with him and you should tell him and then it's up to him what he decides to do.

Just to confirm, is your bro, your actual brother? If so, definitely tell him! Your loyalties are to him rather than SIL.
also shame on your SIL for putting you in this position. It’s also really cruel what she’s doing to your brother