To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

[MyameVyce]

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

I agree re the creepiness which is compounded by OP then discussing it with her best friend.

Why is that 'creepy'? I find it much more strange/creepy that the SiL tells the OP about her deceiving OP's brother.

I wasn't the one who brought up Hindley and West as women who would also be defended by posters that think the OP doesn't have a right or obligation to disclose this private information about a woman's reproductive health.

Perhaps read the post I was responding and take up the use of hyperbole with that person.

Really? I told my mum and a few siblings when my DH and I started TTC. I was excited and wanted to share. I think it's quite normal, just depends how close you are to your family.

This. It may even have been an ill-judged attempt at a joke when upset to brush off not being able to conceive. If the OP tells her brother that SIL is on contraceptives and then it turns out that SIL is genuinely struggling to conceive and not coping well with it, it's going to strain their relationship a lot.

but THIS is what is actually happening

I don’t understand some of these hypothetical situations.

If you’re insecure about having fertility issues why would you bring it up with people to make jokes about?

And if the brother was abusive why would you tell his sister who you’re not close to what you’re doing?

If you were so calculatedly deceiving your partner for such an extended period of time with such high stakes involved, why would you casually joke about it with his sister?

I’m wondering if she has found someone else who also doesn’t want children and is hoping that by letting the cat out of the bag to her dh’s sister she can get sister to pass on the message and have the conversation that will end her marriage and then when the dust clears she has (in her mind, and can spin it) someone to blame for her divorce.

I cannot imagine making this sort of joke when I was struggling to conceive. Makes no kind of sense to me. I have heard of childfree people pretending to have fertility issues to deflect questioning, back when not wanting children was seen as weird/selfish, but never the other way around.

Everyone responds differently to different situations.

What an odd comment. He's not giving me intimate details.

Butt responding to her SIL in such a way that could cause massive damage and fall out if it got back to her husband? Really?

I find it really really sad that you can’t imagine a sibling relationship where talking about a wish to have children is not creepy. I hope you’re ok.

Each to their own and depends how it's said. Vague ,"yes I'd like children some day" ok but I find talking about "trying for a baby" a bit cringe-making.

But aside from that OP had no business blabbing to her best friend about any of this.

That’s your BROTHER. How could you consider keeping such an awful secret from him? And how could you discuss it with your friends before him?

Exactly. So OP tells her friend, friend tells a friend…..

Shes not a medical professional, she has no obligation to keep anything confidential and her loyalty is to her brother.
HTH.

He's your brother, not just some friend. So yes, I think you can and should tell him.

I'm curious, do you have any siblings yourself? Are you on good terms?

Do you like your DSIL , or more importantly does she like you? If you tell your DB what she said and it's not true then this could blow up in your face Op

If SIL made it up that would be really odd. But whether or not it’s true, if it all blows up that is not on OP. She shouldn’t have to keep this secret from her brother for fear of that.

Imagine she DOESNT tell him. They “try for a baby” for years and he gets more and more sad about it, and then one day he finds out wife has been on birth control the whole time. He comes to his DSis for comfort who then lets slip that she knew all along and hadn’t told him…

Yes to both questions (not that it's any of your business)

I see you've no thoughts on the OP blabbing and gossiping to her best friend about a matter which absolutely is not the business of the best friend.

OP are you going to tell your brother you've already gossiped about this to your friend?

I just asked a question, I didn't demand answers or attack. Don't know why you're being so snippy.