To think most men would cheat if they knew they’d never be caught?

[OneMauveMentor]

It’s not about love - it’s about opportunity, ego, and lack of consequences. “Good men” are often just men who haven’t had the chance (yet). Loyalty when untested isn’t real loyalty.

Thats a tricky one. As yes I think if no consequences then they would. But that means we are saying all men have no morals or all men have no respect for marriage/long term relationships.
Which would be a very sad situation in general.

In my experience a lot of men would.

I honestly never thought in a million years mine would, but he did. With a man as well.

I remember very early in our relationship him going on about how cheating was a deal breaker for him so I honestly thought I didn't have to worry. He doesn’t seem to think its that big a deal, or seem that sorry, it's bizarre. I'll never trust a man again

In today’s society the opportunity to hook up for sex and not get caught is so easy for men and women. Many men and women don’t. Many men and women do. It’s not down to opportunity. It’s down to choice and how you choose to live your life regardless of what sex you are.

I'm amazed that there are responses thinking it's the same for women as men. It just isn't. I don't know if it's biology, social attitudes or a combination but if you think men and women are the same on this issue, you're absolutely kidding yourselves.

I think theres some reasearch on this that shows women are much less likely to want a one night stand than a man. So probably would be a difference.

If there was absolutely no possibility of being caught,I do think most men would and probably many women too.Not being caught however doesn’t mean you don’t then have to live with the emotional consequences

@SprayWhiteDung

Well those are very different situations. A single woman or man would go with whoever like fancy and like as a person obviously. That's nothing to do with cheating, that's just dating?

I'm saying that women can't honestly say their husbands are loyal (as this thread is about men and not women/people), if there has never been a real test.

So if you have a hunky 30 year old husband, who was hit on by a 75 year old frail women and said no, then I wouldn't say that's just because he's loyal. That's mainly because he'd never sleep with her in a million moons, no matter his personal circumstances.

Likewise if you have a 60 year old morbidly obese husband with a comb over and missing teeth, he's unlikely to ever be hit on and put in that situation. And if he were to be hit on, it realistically isn't going to be a 25 year old sexy temptress chasing him for no strings attached sex.

So realistically is it out of loyalty they haven't cheated, or just because no one very attractive has ever pursued them for secret no strings attached illicit sex?

No opportunity does not equal loyalty.

You'd only really know if you had a very attractive husband who's had plenty of options for carefree sex with very attractive women and turned them all down.

Also on another note, the women I've known who have cheated it has been for exit affairs. When the truth has come to light the relationships have just ended with the woman not really fighting for it or leaving for the OM.

The men I know who've cheated have had zero intention to ever leave their partners. So when the truth comes out they are begging and pleading with their wives for forgiveness.

All cheated but with different motives.

This, plus unless we are talking about cheating with a man, a woman is involved

I think its probably best we dont know what people are capable of generally if they 100% knew they wouldn't get caught.

MN literally plastered with posts about cheating partners male and female. I know plenty of both men and women who would and plenty that wouldn't. It's usually opportunistic and often regrettable. I think some people are better disciplined to resist the temptation than others. Perhaps we're not biologically wired to be monogamous but it's a learned behaviour that has it's advantages that some appreciate more than others, usually (but not always), women more than men as potential mothers?

No they wouldn't. Having been through infidelity I can tell you that the person generally possesses certain characteristics or wounds which enable them to do it. Healthy people who love their spouse don't want to do it.

Women cheat all the time too.

No opportunity does not equal loyalty.
You'd only really know if you had a very attractive husband who's had plenty of options for carefree sex with very attractive women and turned them all down.

I agree to an extent. But a loyal person can also make choices that mean they don’t have opportunity. I mean, before I met DH, I used to have a fair amount of carefree sex. Now I’m in a relationship, I don’t make the decisions that gave me to opportunities to sleep with men. So you could say I’ve just had no opportunity to cheat and that isn’t a test of loyalty. But I could also say that I’ve never made any attempt to get an opportunity.

I'm sure women would but men can still have many children and multiple families until extremely old and frail women can't

Not to be 'that person' but this is the perfect example of why you shouldn't believe everything you read. Unless you also believe 1/3 of women would commit murder and 70% would chest on their partner if they could get away with it.

IIRC the respondents were given course credits for participating. I read another article debunking it and they said that it was considered highly likely that a lot of the young lads just did it for the easy course credits and gave silly answers for shits and giggles.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/pop-psych/201601/exaggerating-with-statistics-about-rape

And women! Just the same, opportunity, ego and lack of consequences. Women are not some superior species.

What a simplistic view. It’s not about getting caught. I have cheated in the past (not proud of it), and I wasn’t caught, but it meant I lost that intimacy and connection with my ex. It wasn’t real anymore, and felt like I was cosplaying a relationship from that point, and I ended up leaving. A decent person would stop feeling authentic and therefore the relationship would stop making sense, or being enjoyable at all.

It's not been my experience amongst my circle that attractiveness and fidelity are correlated. It just doesn't work like that. Cheating is about much more than meeting someone you find hot.

I say this as someone who found out her ex was living a double life for 7 years. My current dh wouldn’t.

No. It’s like saying ‘most people would steal if they knew they’d never be caught.

I’ve worked with men for over 20 years and would agree with this. Most would go for it given the opportunity, even the ‘nice’ ones.

I’d go to work events and meet their wives and girlfriends knowing they’d just cheated, which was quite irritating, they had no idea.

All the women on this thread saying their man never would, remind me of these women.

Absolutely. Men do what they can get away with.

It's obviously easier for the good looking ones who can afford a hotel room.

The ugly skint ones have less opportunity for actual cheating.

Lots somewhere in between who do... What they can get away with!

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