To think most men would cheat if they knew they’d never be caught?

[OneMauveMentor]

It’s not about love - it’s about opportunity, ego, and lack of consequences. “Good men” are often just men who haven’t had the chance (yet). Loyalty when untested isn’t real loyalty.

He needs to fuck her off. Sounds like she's been rogered more times than a police radio to put it bluntly!

@MelBrookesMyHero have you confided in a friend or family member about what has happened?

I am older and fatter now but 20 years ago I did a lot of client entertaining, awards dinners that sort of thing. It was more unusual when the generally middle aged men there didn’t try it on before returning home to their wives. I guess it depends what you class as cheating but outrageous flirting / innuendo goes on constantly in those sort of environments - and I think it’s demonstrative of the fact that many men would if given the opportunity. Many times I had to tell colleagues not to leave me on my own with someone.

@MelBrookesMyHero

It sounds like your wife has some kind of mental health issues/trauma/disorder.

She's not cheated in the usual way at all. Her work colleagues yeah standard cheating. However the blowjob on the doorstep to a random bouncer and also the random stranger shag on the way home?!! Unprotected to boot?!

Not even my most outrageously, overtly, single and promiscuous of friends would do that. Male or female. More so as a female. That's so risky. To her safety moreso than anything. Plus unprotected

It's very bizarre behaviour and actually very worrying. It really points to some kind of serious underlying issue here. Forget the cheating element for a minute, she's actually putting her life at risk.

She needs serious therapy. There is some serious underlying issues going on here.

Because I don't know what else to do. The house is in joint names, I'm self employed and run my work from here, the kids are oblivious and I wouldn't want to leave them, nor let them know why, I wouldn't want them to think badly of their Mum either because despite everything, she's a good Mum and they idolise her. Because I still can't imagine life without her and can't yet bring myself to not live her let alone hate her as most people that have responded think I ought to, I don't, I hate what it's doing to me, but I don't hare her.

Yes men would cheat if they could get away with it but drop you like a hot potato if they were caught and didn't actually like you. It would be entirely the woman's fault as well.

If caught and they liked you they'd leave their partner.

No. It's why I came to MN, it's the only place I've been able to come to vent. My family - siblings and my Mum (and my Dad when he was alive), all adore her and think she's wonderful - which to them she is. My male friends would only endlessly take the piss, humiliate me and/or probably try it on with her. Female friends are mostly her friends or parents of kids friends so don't want them knowing. I haven't told a soul nor been able to except the one occasions she agreed to come to counselling, even then hardly any of it came out and she's refused to go back because she felt like she was being judged.

I haven't got a anyone I can talk to about it.

I think you should start your own thread on relationships @MelBrookesMyHero

You're starting to derail the thread and would get much better advice on the relationship boards

Having worked in business development myself I've defo seen this. Some men would absolutely take a colleague back to their hotel room.

However, there's also another dynamic which seems to be mainly just flirting. This more often seems to come from the (generally youngish) women and is generally aimed at the middle aged blokes - I think men their own age would perhaps be a bit more wtf.

Granted that was over a decade ago and I think it'd maybe be seen as a bit more cringe today, but then perhaps not as the targets will no doubt still be middle aged men who grew up in different times.

I used to sit near the internal sales team who did all the cold calling and chasing up leads etc. Some of them did a lot of the "oh Gary, we need to stop meeting like this....what would your wife think!" etc. Ultimately quite harmless as they never met in person but pretty cringe nonetheless. Basically massaging a pervy old bloke's ego to get appts booked. It did seem to work though.

Well it's not right and not right your dealing with this on your own and people close to you are unaware what the reality is. You can't possibly stay with this woman. Obviously it takes time to sort out living arrangements and finances but you know this is the end of your relationship. She has no respect for you.

So all men unfaithful then that the way this shows males to be , no replies on how many people have a long and happy marriage or partner hum interesting

Its not going to be healthy for you, especially in the long term, to bottle it up like this. It's what happened between me and my ex OH. As our DC grew up I could see his resentment starting to resurface and eventually it broke us like 18-20 years after the event.

Even if your OH won't go to counselling, you should, and keep going to you've got it all out and can speak confidently out loud about it.

I agree, what she is doing is absolutely awful and cruel and you can see from other threads here that cheating is really looked down on, and the worst, most hurtful thing that can be done to a person, it’s so dishonest.
Nothing this bad and ongoing has happened to me, but I have been so badly hurt (by dishonesty, and some carrying on behind my back) that I lost trust completely and this was many many years ago. It’s like something gets snapped in you.

Please seek help to talk it out and get some support for yourself. You do not have to put up with this treatment. It’s awful.

"and who have often aged less favourably than the men as men often seem to age better."

Are you really repeating that old sexist myth? Men lose their hair and get pot bellies FFS. At the same time as losing the hair on their heads, they start spouting hideous nose hair, back hair and ass hair too. They do not age better.
People really need to stop buying that bill of goods men sold women about how they age better.

I do agree that sometimes it's a cowardly way of ending a relationship (called an exit affair) and if you're capable of doing something like that, you are indeed not suitable for a relationship. Don't give men excuses about allegedly unattractive wives who won't shag them. If they can't deal with the realities of aging, again, they are unsuitable as partners and shouldn't partner up in the first place. Nothing's stopping them from leaving a relationship ethically. If they refuse to do that then it just goes to show that they shouldn't ever have been in one.

It means she did it for an ego boost.
She fucked you over and risked breaking up her children's family for the sake of gratifying her ego. Let that sink in. Still think she's a good mom?

Are you really repeating that old sexist myth? Men lose their hair and get pot bellies FFS. At the same time as losing the hair on their heads, they start spouting hideous nose hair, back hair and ass hair too. They do not age better. People really need to stop buying that bill of goods men sold women about how they age better.

Yeah, can't believe people are still coming out with this tripe. I'm in my 50s and see attractive, stylish women my age and older every day. I hardly ever see men about whom I can say the same.

Yeah, I would guess most of the 40+ guys on dating apps are married.
I met what seemed like a nice widower (confirmed he was indeed a widower) on a dating app, years ago when I was still interested in finding somebody, but after seeming very keen on me he inexplicably ghosted me. Probably met somebody he liked better.

Dude, if you are as good as you say you are, I would date you and I'm not even interested in dating! I wasn't suggesting you were any of those things btw, they were just things I've found that are common.

You can do so much better. Don't be so hard on yourself. Her behaviour isn't about your flaws as a partner, it's about her character flaws. When you've broken up with her and had time to heal, you may decide to try again. You have a lot to offer by the sound of it. You can get back in shape too, so don't let low self esteem about your body stand in your way. I know you feel hopeless after this, as I felt the same, but it gets better after you leave. If you don't it never does. From the very minute I stepped foot in my new, cheater free home, a great sense of peace came over me. It continued to grow, so much so that even on those rare occasions that I have contact with the ex and he's being an arsehole, I can just laugh it off. It means nothing to me because he means nothing.
Your wife sounds like a selfish, entitled bitch. Face up to who she really is.

Not true. A woman can't get "too muscular" without steroids. But women can get good muscle tone just as men can, and toned bodies are very much part of the beauty standard.
I'm 62 and my muscle tone is better than a lot of 30 year olds from doing weights, kickboxing and running.
Men can get bigger muscles than women, but their skin sags just like women's skin does. Btw, hormone replacement therapy helps women to prevent the signs of aging, and far more women get HRT than men.
Sorry, but you're just dead wrong about this.

Absolutely. Men probably feel freer to let themselves go, knowing that there is a double standard. Women, otoh, tend to make more of an effort to stay attractive.

Men do not age better! Have you not got eyes 😂 it’s rare to see a man who looks after himself after 50. the majority of men wouldn’t get a younger woman, just the few with money. Whereas lots of younger men actually want to sleep with older women, nothing to do with money.

Although the men with money probably do look better on the whole, they have the money to spend on fancy products, good clothes, once they've made their money they have plenty time to hit the gym, attend spas, pursue active hobbies, relax and enjoy good living!

Yes the ones with money tend to look good, whereas women generally make more effort whatever they earn.

Not where I live! Only advantage I see is being able to wear makeup and having more hair to style.

No. Cheating requires poor moral character. Lots of men are good, decent people with a functioning conscience.