Page 9 | To think most men would cheat if they knew they’d never be caught?

OneMauveMentor · 2025-07-13T17:26:49+00:00

It’s not about love - it’s about opportunity, ego, and lack of consequences. “Good men” are often just men who haven’t had the chance (yet). Loyalty when untested isn’t real loyalty.

chattyness · 15/07/2025 08:10

Mine wouldn't , we spend all our free time together and have done more or less since we met. There's no sneaking around or any kind of nonsense, he's just not made that way and I say it with confidence because I know he's happy and content with me. I'm lucky to have that, but I haven't been so lucky with previous my husband or other partners I was with before we met though.

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 08:26

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 08:06

Neither do men ….

they choose to buy sex

Show quote history

Very generally speaking it's easier for a woman to go on a night out for example and be able to find someone to have sex with. Men are generally less fussy and dont need so much work to impress them. There isnt the requirement for women to pay for it.

And let's not forget far more men dont pay for sex than do, so even for men it's still not as common as we sometimes think.

EggCustardTartt · 15/07/2025 08:39

Tidekiln · 14/07/2025 22:43

Yes war, that normal everyday activity that men take part in. Very representative of what men want to be doing.

Show quote history

Exactly. And plenty of women are happy for men to do the dirty work for them. Look at history. Even feminists/suffragettes were handing out white feathers to shame men that didn't want to fight into going to war.

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 08:42

We also now have apps where people are meeting up for sex

yet the sex industry is thriving

I’m sure less men pay for sex than do pay (hardly something that is positive) the point I was making is men (in general) have more casual sex than woman and most, I believe from experience of the men I know, known and many friends and acquaintances would continue or have casual sex with no string no risk of getting caught even when in a happy secure relationship

I know men who I don’t think would cheat on their partners but I know many more who would simply because they can and want to. How their relationship is is irrelevant

I honestly have only known a few women who are like this

I think many women do not want to accept men are more likely to cheat as they do not want to think of the men in their lives who they love could be like this (and maybe they are not)

I could have had sex with most of the men in my places of work when I was young if I wanted to, married or not. I very much doubt a young man woudl have the same experience if working with mainly women. Not saying none of the women but simply the numbers wouldn’t be the same

EggCustardTartt · 15/07/2025 08:56

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 08:42

We also now have apps where people are meeting up for sex

yet the sex industry is thriving

I’m sure less men pay for sex than do pay (hardly something that is positive) the point I was making is men (in general) have more casual sex than woman and most, I believe from experience of the men I know, known and many friends and acquaintances would continue or have casual sex with no string no risk of getting caught even when in a happy secure relationship

I know men who I don’t think would cheat on their partners but I know many more who would simply because they can and want to. How their relationship is is irrelevant

I honestly have only known a few women who are like this

I think many women do not want to accept men are more likely to cheat as they do not want to think of the men in their lives who they love could be like this (and maybe they are not)

I could have had sex with most of the men in my places of work when I was young if I wanted to, married or not. I very much doubt a young man woudl have the same experience if working with mainly women. Not saying none of the women but simply the numbers wouldn’t be the same

So are these men shagging other men? Because surely there'd be an equal number of women otherwise

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 08:59

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 08:42

We also now have apps where people are meeting up for sex

yet the sex industry is thriving

I’m sure less men pay for sex than do pay (hardly something that is positive) the point I was making is men (in general) have more casual sex than woman and most, I believe from experience of the men I know, known and many friends and acquaintances would continue or have casual sex with no string no risk of getting caught even when in a happy secure relationship

I know men who I don’t think would cheat on their partners but I know many more who would simply because they can and want to. How their relationship is is irrelevant

I honestly have only known a few women who are like this

I think many women do not want to accept men are more likely to cheat as they do not want to think of the men in their lives who they love could be like this (and maybe they are not)

I could have had sex with most of the men in my places of work when I was young if I wanted to, married or not. I very much doubt a young man woudl have the same experience if working with mainly women. Not saying none of the women but simply the numbers wouldn’t be the same

You can't base things simply on the people you happen to know. Who are the people all these men are having this casual sex with? I dont think anyone is saying that the numbers are exactly equal, but women are just as capable of cheating as men and plenty women enjoy casual sex. Another thing is that women are no longer being so shamed by other people for admitting they might have sex outside of a relationship or enjoying having a few men on the go rather than settling down.

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 09:00

EggCustardTartt · 15/07/2025 08:56

So are these men shagging other men? Because surely there'd be an equal number of women otherwise

Show quote history

multiple partners for one person does not mean all the people they have sex with will have the same number of partners

or are in a relationship

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 09:09

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 08:59

You can't base things simply on the people you happen to know. Who are the people all these men are having this casual sex with? I dont think anyone is saying that the numbers are exactly equal, but women are just as capable of cheating as men and plenty women enjoy casual sex. Another thing is that women are no longer being so shamed by other people for admitting they might have sex outside of a relationship or enjoying having a few men on the go rather than settling down.

Show quote history

I have not said women do not cheat or do not have causal sex ….

yes I can base it on this what else am I going to base it on 🙄

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 09:35

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 09:09

I have not said women do not cheat or do not have causal sex ….

yes I can base it on this what else am I going to base it on 🙄

Show quote history

Ok let's base what we think goes on in the world solely on the people we happen to know.

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/07/2025 09:36

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 13/07/2025 18:30

No. Lots of men are faithful, just as many women are. It seems sad to me that you think this.

This. My husband of 35 years was very badly hurt by someone who was unfaithful to him some years before we met. He would never inflict that pain.

Thatsalineallright · 15/07/2025 09:46

A strong moral grounding can hold people back from various temptations.

How many people would find a 1000 pounds lying on the street and try to find the owner? Not many, but some.

How many men wouldn't cheat no matter the circumstances? Not many, but some.

EggCustardTartt · 15/07/2025 09:47

There's a current thread in Relationships where a 50yo woman cheated with a 24yo guy while on holiday with her family. Says husband is 'the best man she's ever known' and she was just drunk.

Posters are telling her to keep quiet and move along. I think this is more typical of the female situation, whereas men brag about it and get found out.

EggCustardTartt · 15/07/2025 09:48

And women will usually tell the wife (look at all the threads on here, often from people that don't even know the couple well but just 'feel morally obligated to say something'). But if it's a woman they close ranks and help cover it up.

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 10:12

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 09:35

Ok let's base what we think goes on in the world solely on the people we happen to know.

Show quote history

Well it a lot of peoples experiences
and as pointed out before the very successful sex industry that is very heavily aimed at men’s wants
then you can add shared experiences written about on sm, shared in the media, books and so on

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 10:40

HRTQueen · 15/07/2025 10:12

Well it a lot of peoples experiences
and as pointed out before the very successful sex industry that is very heavily aimed at men’s wants
then you can add shared experiences written about on sm, shared in the media, books and so on

Show quote history

Well yes that isnt just the people you know then is it.

I'm still not clear on what point you are trying to make as we both agree both men and women can cheat and both can enjoy casual sex.

Bbq1 · 15/07/2025 10:57

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 08:59

You can't base things simply on the people you happen to know. Who are the people all these men are having this casual sex with? I dont think anyone is saying that the numbers are exactly equal, but women are just as capable of cheating as men and plenty women enjoy casual sex. Another thing is that women are no longer being so shamed by other people for admitting they might have sex outside of a relationship or enjoying having a few men on the go rather than settling down.

Show quote history

Yes who are the people men are having casual sex with? Women surely? The women having sex with these men are surely having lots of casual sex themselves and possibly cheating on partners too?

MelBrookesMyHero · 15/07/2025 11:40

Honestly the crap coming out of this thread. I (a man/dad) joined MN because I had nowhere else to go, sound off, get advice from etc. My OH (f) of 16 years and now 2 DC's, recently disclosed 5 years of infidelity, in the extreme. Shagging around all un sundry. ONS's, complete strangers that she did it with in our car, colleagues that she took back to our house when I was away, accepted a lift from a doorman and gave him a BJ outside our front door while I was in bed. And yes, whoever said that men don't quite get the opportunities you're right. For one, in 16 years I've barely been out because my life's been our kids/family, not had a beer in all that time. Second, again you're right, if any woman would have looked twice at me before, they certainly wouldn't/haven't since the inevitable weight gain, grey hairs and lack of self care that comes with age, and the lack of time that comes with parenting, particularly while OH is often 'away' with work. So maybe she just got more opportunities than me!!!

I hope she's on this thread and puts the record straight!

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 19:32

Well the above poster would appear to be an example of one of those good men who had chances to cheat and chose loyalty. We all know there are plenty men out there like this.

Thepossibility · 15/07/2025 22:06

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 07:29

So are you saying women are capable of feeling guilt and not men? That men are never capable of doing the right thing?

I don't disagree that probably more men than women cheat but there are still plenty men who dont cheat and plenty women who do. It's the mindset of the person not the sex of the person.

Show quote history

No I think men would feel guilty if they got caught because they don't want hurt feelings and all that. They absolutely don't want to hurt their loved ones. They aren't necessarily bad. I think that if there was absolutely ZERO chance that they would be found out then in their mind there is NO chance of hurt feelings then why not go and have some fun?
I know not all women are saints of course, but personally I could never forgive myself if I cheated on my family. I would burn from within. I would hate myself. I simply don't think men would feel the same.

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 22:21

Thepossibility · 15/07/2025 22:06

No I think men would feel guilty if they got caught because they don't want hurt feelings and all that. They absolutely don't want to hurt their loved ones. They aren't necessarily bad. I think that if there was absolutely ZERO chance that they would be found out then in their mind there is NO chance of hurt feelings then why not go and have some fun?
I know not all women are saints of course, but personally I could never forgive myself if I cheated on my family. I would burn from within. I would hate myself. I simply don't think men would feel the same.

Show quote history

You mean to say 'some men' at the end of your post not 'men'

3luckystars · 15/07/2025 22:23

I think men and women are just completely different in this regard. I believe all
men would if they thought they wouldn’t get caught, yes I do believe that.

i don’t believe all women would at all. I think the reasons for having affairs are so different. Different motivations and different needs. It being kept a secret is not the top priority for women.

Barney16 · 15/07/2025 22:28

Yep. I'm not sure they are that bothered about being found out tbh.

brunettemic · 15/07/2025 22:29

I find it quite sad that there’s that view of men when if the same people on here read an equivalent message board with men saying the same thing about women they’d be up in arms about it.

Thepossibility · 15/07/2025 22:33

Tidekiln · 15/07/2025 22:21

You mean to say 'some men' at the end of your post not 'men'

Show quote history

I meant what I said. I don't think men in general would feel the same. I think they would enjoy the totally risk free pleasure of the moment and look back on it with a secret smile.
There might be a rare exception but not as rare as most men would have you believe.

MelBrookesMyHero · 15/07/2025 22:35

3luckystars · 15/07/2025 22:23

I think men and women are just completely different in this regard. I believe all
men would if they thought they wouldn’t get caught, yes I do believe that.

i don’t believe all women would at all. I think the reasons for having affairs are so different. Different motivations and different needs. It being kept a secret is not the top priority for women.

I wonder what my OH's 'reasons' were? Probably because I became a fat, ugly boring b*stard sooner than she would have liked, or maybe I always was and she hadn't noticed earlier, that's at least part of how it feels. Can't bear to even look at pictures of us/me in the past 16 years now wondering what was really going on in her head.