Page 12 | To think most men would cheat if they knew they’d never be caught?

OneMauveMentor · 2025-07-13T17:26:49+00:00

It’s not about love - it’s about opportunity, ego, and lack of consequences. “Good men” are often just men who haven’t had the chance (yet). Loyalty when untested isn’t real loyalty.

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 08:48

PlainJaneBrain · 17/07/2025 08:42

I'm guessing because he was pursuing her, and she was probably worried OH would find out?

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Maybe. I have a picture of her being a good liar and manipulator though so I'm sure even if he was pursuing her she could have lied her way out of it. And then why go into great detail about all the other times she cheated on him (see his other posts).

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 12:36

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 08:48

Maybe. I have a picture of her being a good liar and manipulator though so I'm sure even if he was pursuing her she could have lied her way out of it. And then why go into great detail about all the other times she cheated on him (see his other posts).

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I'm not sure what your point is. She didn't go into 'great detail', in fact she didn't go into any detail willingly and still won't. It began to come out after she came home drunk and asked me if I'd ever been with anyone else or been tempted and in response to the reciprocal question she said she had 'got off' with someone earlier that week/previous week, but that it was no more than a snog. For the first time ever I doubted her, and asked her for the truth and after a lot emotional interrogation she eventually told me about this one. At that time she swore this was the one and only time, that she was ashamed and sorry. I don't know why this came out, why she chose to tell me at that time, possibly just her guard dropped as she was drunk, I don't know why, maybe she wants an exit, but she hasn't aid that.

What followed though was days of me looking back at times, days, dates etc in the past where she'd not come home, or come home in the early hours without any plausible reason. If there was any prospect of us staying together I told I wanted to know everything, that I didn't, for the first time, believe this was the first time. We went to a counsellor (to whom she now refuses to go back to), in front of whom she told me there were 3 occasions in 5 years, including this one. But I no longer believe that, there are just too many recurring patterns emerging.

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 12:56

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 12:36

I'm not sure what your point is. She didn't go into 'great detail', in fact she didn't go into any detail willingly and still won't. It began to come out after she came home drunk and asked me if I'd ever been with anyone else or been tempted and in response to the reciprocal question she said she had 'got off' with someone earlier that week/previous week, but that it was no more than a snog. For the first time ever I doubted her, and asked her for the truth and after a lot emotional interrogation she eventually told me about this one. At that time she swore this was the one and only time, that she was ashamed and sorry. I don't know why this came out, why she chose to tell me at that time, possibly just her guard dropped as she was drunk, I don't know why, maybe she wants an exit, but she hasn't aid that.

What followed though was days of me looking back at times, days, dates etc in the past where she'd not come home, or come home in the early hours without any plausible reason. If there was any prospect of us staying together I told I wanted to know everything, that I didn't, for the first time, believe this was the first time. We went to a counsellor (to whom she now refuses to go back to), in front of whom she told me there were 3 occasions in 5 years, including this one. But I no longer believe that, there are just too many recurring patterns emerging.

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Well you seem to know the details of who and where for a lot of her cheating. That's what I mean by detail. To me telling you she gave someone a blowjob on your doorstep is too much. Why tell you that. I wonder if part of it is her thinking - well if I'm getting caught for this now I'll take the men (with girlfriends/pregnant girlfriends) down with me. Not that you have actually confronted anyone about it so far.

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 13:27

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 12:56

Well you seem to know the details of who and where for a lot of her cheating. That's what I mean by detail. To me telling you she gave someone a blowjob on your doorstep is too much. Why tell you that. I wonder if part of it is her thinking - well if I'm getting caught for this now I'll take the men (with girlfriends/pregnant girlfriends) down with me. Not that you have actually confronted anyone about it so far.

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Because I asked her how far she went, with whom and where.

Beachtastic · 17/07/2025 13:30

Hellomeee · 13/07/2025 18:31

Mine wouldn't, he's too knackered 🤣

Hopefully from all that wild sex with you! 😆

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 13:44

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 13:27

Because I asked her how far she went, with whom and where.

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And did you ask her why and what did she say?

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 17:25

This thread is so odd. I honestly don’t think my husband would cheat if he knew he could get away with it - I wouldn’t have married him if I thought he would? Are people really with men they think would cheat on them?

JohnTheRevelator · 17/07/2025 17:29

Absolutely. I mean,it stands to reason, doesn't it, considering how many cheat when they KNOW there's a chance they'll be caught! Take away that risk and it would be a free for all!

IcedPurple · 17/07/2025 18:02

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 17:25

This thread is so odd. I honestly don’t think my husband would cheat if he knew he could get away with it - I wouldn’t have married him if I thought he would? Are people really with men they think would cheat on them?

Very few people go into marriage with the expectation that their spouse will cheat on them. And yet, many marriages end because of cheating.

The fact is that everyone - male or female - is capable of cheating. Including your husband. That doesn't mean it's likely, just that it's possible.

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 18:06

IcedPurple · 17/07/2025 18:02

Very few people go into marriage with the expectation that their spouse will cheat on them. And yet, many marriages end because of cheating.

The fact is that everyone - male or female - is capable of cheating. Including your husband. That doesn't mean it's likely, just that it's possible.

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Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise. In my opinion it’s extremely odd to be married to someone you think would cheat on you if they thought they’d get away with it.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 17/07/2025 18:59

Sorry haven't rtft but these generalisations make no sense sometimes, who are all these married men cheating with? Mannequins? Perhaps it is factually true and married men are more likely to cheat. If married women are disproportionately faithful then these men are cheating with single women. This raises another question, why are so many single women willing to sleep with married men, knowing the devastating consequences to the other woman and children. If we are going to generalise let's do it both ways. Is it unreasonable to think that most single women would cheat if they knew they would never be caught? According to this thread no it's not because most single women would.

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:00

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 13:44

And did you ask her why and what did she say?

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In the very little (in context) conversation we've had since it all came out, her reasoning was work stress, being drunk and this f'ing word that is driving me up the wall 'validation'! WTF does that mean? And did it take 5 years and multiple partners to get? I mean I understand I have to validate my parking ticket before I leave the car park, but WTF does she mean. I swear I've seen it on MN and I wonder if that's where she got it.

IcedPurple · 17/07/2025 20:15

Dontlletmedownbruce · 17/07/2025 18:59

Sorry haven't rtft but these generalisations make no sense sometimes, who are all these married men cheating with? Mannequins? Perhaps it is factually true and married men are more likely to cheat. If married women are disproportionately faithful then these men are cheating with single women. This raises another question, why are so many single women willing to sleep with married men, knowing the devastating consequences to the other woman and children. If we are going to generalise let's do it both ways. Is it unreasonable to think that most single women would cheat if they knew they would never be caught? According to this thread no it's not because most single women would.

Is it unreasonable to think that most single women would cheat if they knew they would never be caught? According to this thread no it's not because most single women would.

But if you're single then by definition you can't cheat. Who are you cheating on? If you're having an affair with a married person then you are an accessory to their cheating (so to speak) but you yourself are not cheating.

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:15

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 18:06

Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise. In my opinion it’s extremely odd to be married to someone you think would cheat on you if they thought they’d get away with it.

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'Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise.'

Until it came out a couple of months ago that my partner of 16 years had been messing about for 5 years, I would have said exactly the same. Aside not believing she would inflict such hurt on me and devastation on our family, I honestly would never have thought she had it in her, let alone in the absolutely disgusting manner and numbers that she did.

I've learned the hard way that there is no 'type' or 'typical' cheat. My OH is middle class, well educated, higher end professional job, with me and 2 DC's at home. And the way she's been since at all came out, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth while I'm a complete shambles, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm waiting for her to come home now, over an hour late, no message or call, cooked dinner in the oven but wondering where she's been, with who and doing what. I'll see her face come through the door, the kids will immediately embrace her with their usual loving enthusiasm and I'll be polite but my stomach will turn inside. She'll make mundane conversation to make sure I've kept on top of the domestics. We'll got to bed, turn our backs and I'll lay awake all night with questions going through my head that I'm not allowed to ask. Then we'll do it all again tomorrow!

Yet just over two months ago I was totally happy with my lot, our family, home, looking forward to the holidays - what a f'ing bombshell!

Tidekiln · 17/07/2025 20:19

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:15

'Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise.'

Until it came out a couple of months ago that my partner of 16 years had been messing about for 5 years, I would have said exactly the same. Aside not believing she would inflict such hurt on me and devastation on our family, I honestly would never have thought she had it in her, let alone in the absolutely disgusting manner and numbers that she did.

I've learned the hard way that there is no 'type' or 'typical' cheat. My OH is middle class, well educated, higher end professional job, with me and 2 DC's at home. And the way she's been since at all came out, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth while I'm a complete shambles, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm waiting for her to come home now, over an hour late, no message or call, cooked dinner in the oven but wondering where she's been, with who and doing what. I'll see her face come through the door, the kids will immediately embrace her with their usual loving enthusiasm and I'll be polite but my stomach will turn inside. She'll make mundane conversation to make sure I've kept on top of the domestics. We'll got to bed, turn our backs and I'll lay awake all night with questions going through my head that I'm not allowed to ask. Then we'll do it all again tomorrow!

Yet just over two months ago I was totally happy with my lot, our family, home, looking forward to the holidays - what a f'ing bombshell!

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Your still together? And cooking her dinner waiting for her to come home?

Handmethegunandaskmeagain · 17/07/2025 20:27

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:15

'Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise.'

Until it came out a couple of months ago that my partner of 16 years had been messing about for 5 years, I would have said exactly the same. Aside not believing she would inflict such hurt on me and devastation on our family, I honestly would never have thought she had it in her, let alone in the absolutely disgusting manner and numbers that she did.

I've learned the hard way that there is no 'type' or 'typical' cheat. My OH is middle class, well educated, higher end professional job, with me and 2 DC's at home. And the way she's been since at all came out, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth while I'm a complete shambles, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm waiting for her to come home now, over an hour late, no message or call, cooked dinner in the oven but wondering where she's been, with who and doing what. I'll see her face come through the door, the kids will immediately embrace her with their usual loving enthusiasm and I'll be polite but my stomach will turn inside. She'll make mundane conversation to make sure I've kept on top of the domestics. We'll got to bed, turn our backs and I'll lay awake all night with questions going through my head that I'm not allowed to ask. Then we'll do it all again tomorrow!

Yet just over two months ago I was totally happy with my lot, our family, home, looking forward to the holidays - what a f'ing bombshell!

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You deserve better than this, truly. I can tell you that for certain.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 17/07/2025 20:31

@IcedPurple fair point, it's not cheating but being an accessory to it. It's still awful behaviour though

IcedPurple · 17/07/2025 20:35

Dontlletmedownbruce · 17/07/2025 20:31

@IcedPurple fair point, it's not cheating but being an accessory to it. It's still awful behaviour though

I agree it's bad behaviour, but the primary responsibility is borne by the person cheating on their partner.

In any case, I suspect that most men who cheat do so with women who are also cheating. The average married man isn't going to be hugely attractive to most single women.

PlainJaneBrain · 17/07/2025 20:49

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:15

'Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise.'

Until it came out a couple of months ago that my partner of 16 years had been messing about for 5 years, I would have said exactly the same. Aside not believing she would inflict such hurt on me and devastation on our family, I honestly would never have thought she had it in her, let alone in the absolutely disgusting manner and numbers that she did.

I've learned the hard way that there is no 'type' or 'typical' cheat. My OH is middle class, well educated, higher end professional job, with me and 2 DC's at home. And the way she's been since at all came out, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth while I'm a complete shambles, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm waiting for her to come home now, over an hour late, no message or call, cooked dinner in the oven but wondering where she's been, with who and doing what. I'll see her face come through the door, the kids will immediately embrace her with their usual loving enthusiasm and I'll be polite but my stomach will turn inside. She'll make mundane conversation to make sure I've kept on top of the domestics. We'll got to bed, turn our backs and I'll lay awake all night with questions going through my head that I'm not allowed to ask. Then we'll do it all again tomorrow!

Yet just over two months ago I was totally happy with my lot, our family, home, looking forward to the holidays - what a f'ing bombshell!

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You're right, there is no 'type'. E.g 20m viewers wouldn't have said Dierdre Barlow was the type to cheat til they saw it with their own eyes - Corrie, circa 1983 😕

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 20:51

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:15

'Yes I’m aware everyone is capable of cheating, even my husband. But I believe he won’t, until proven otherwise.'

Until it came out a couple of months ago that my partner of 16 years had been messing about for 5 years, I would have said exactly the same. Aside not believing she would inflict such hurt on me and devastation on our family, I honestly would never have thought she had it in her, let alone in the absolutely disgusting manner and numbers that she did.

I've learned the hard way that there is no 'type' or 'typical' cheat. My OH is middle class, well educated, higher end professional job, with me and 2 DC's at home. And the way she's been since at all came out, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth while I'm a complete shambles, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm waiting for her to come home now, over an hour late, no message or call, cooked dinner in the oven but wondering where she's been, with who and doing what. I'll see her face come through the door, the kids will immediately embrace her with their usual loving enthusiasm and I'll be polite but my stomach will turn inside. She'll make mundane conversation to make sure I've kept on top of the domestics. We'll got to bed, turn our backs and I'll lay awake all night with questions going through my head that I'm not allowed to ask. Then we'll do it all again tomorrow!

Yet just over two months ago I was totally happy with my lot, our family, home, looking forward to the holidays - what a f'ing bombshell!

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I really am sorry for what’s happened to you. I agree there’s not a type to cheat. Some of the most unlikely people cheat on their partners. But my point is - we marry and trust people we don’t think are going to cheat on us. Until proven otherwise. Lots of posters have said they think most men would cheat if they thought they’d not get caught. What I can’t understand is why you’d ever marry someone if you thought this was the case. We have to have faith in our partners until they prove otherwise.

I hope you heal from how you’ve been treated. And please know that decent, faithful people do exist.

Missj25 · 17/07/2025 21:16

MelBrookesMyHero · 17/07/2025 20:00

In the very little (in context) conversation we've had since it all came out, her reasoning was work stress, being drunk and this f'ing word that is driving me up the wall 'validation'! WTF does that mean? And did it take 5 years and multiple partners to get? I mean I understand I have to validate my parking ticket before I leave the car park, but WTF does she mean. I swear I've seen it on MN and I wonder if that's where she got it.

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Sorry but can I ask , why are you staying with her ????

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 21:42

Missj25 · 17/07/2025 21:16

Sorry but can I ask , why are you staying with her ????

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He’s still with her? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I missed that…

Missj25 · 17/07/2025 22:08

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 21:42

He’s still with her? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I missed that…

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Yes , did you see post of where pp said he is waiting for her to come home , her dinner is in the oven , she’s an hour late , no phone call , text or anything from her to say she will be late, & he’s sat there wondering what she is up to given what she confessed to 2 months ago ….

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 22:14

Missj25 · 17/07/2025 22:08

Yes , did you see post of where pp said he is waiting for her to come home , her dinner is in the oven , she’s an hour late , no phone call , text or anything from her to say she will be late, & he’s sat there wondering what she is up to given what she confessed to 2 months ago ….

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Jesus… 😬

Missj25 · 17/07/2025 22:27

SwingTheMonkey · 17/07/2025 22:14

Jesus… 😬

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I couldn’t stay with her ..
I couldn’t look at her …
And now the way she is still so disrespectful, knowing the hurt she has caused , & what will be going through PPS head ,& still not to text or ring ..
She’s toxic in my book , he needs to be as far away from her as possible, she’s not sorry , he has to know this …