To think that my appearance is no one else’s business?

[burntoranges]

I’ve lost 5 stone over the course of around a year, and I finally feel happy with myself for the first time in a very long time. The weight loss was fuelled by a relationship breakup, and I’ve really been prioritising self care and enjoying being alone. I feel genuinely happy and confident, and I’ve always been curious about aesthetic treatments but to be honest I never bothered because I knew I’d still feel rubbish until I’d shifted the weight so it felt pointless. Fast forward to now and so far I’ve had my eyebrows micro bladed, hair extensions fitted, and an upper blepharoplasty scheduled later this month as I’ve always had hooded eyes that are now starting to affect my vision due to the skin sagging onto my eyelashes.

I also got the tiniest bit of lip filler at the weekend, had zero plans of telling my family because it’s none of their business, but they saw me the afternoon I had it done and it’s like all hell has broken loose. My mum and sister are disgusted with me, saying I’m ’taking It too far’ and I don’t need anything done. I’m just so annoyed because I’m finally happy and confident and treating myself to these little tweaks that I KNOW the risks of, I’ve accepted those. I feel like they’d rather I went back to being fat and miserable.

AIBU to ignore them if they ever bring up my
looks as it’s none of their business? Am I being too harsh?

Their jealousy. Such an ugly emotion.

don’t give them any headspace.

Good foryou, op! How lovely that you are so happy after some difficult times. 💐🍷

You should do what you want, but it's also a good idea to think about why they're reacting this way. That is a very sudden weight loss, and to be honest, I'd be a bit concerned if my close family member started changing their appearance so suddenly after a traumatic event.

@KimHwn it wasn’t really a sudden weight loss, averages to about 1.5lb a week and something that I needed to do for a long time, I was just more motivated by the break up. I’d be happy for a family member that looked happier and confident for the first time in about 10 years! Also, I initiated the breakup so it’s not like I was miserable and changing my appearance to compensate for that - if anything, I felt empowered and completely in control!

And btw, I say this as someone who did lose about the same amount in the same time, did a glow up, and I would have said exactly what you're saying now when it was actually not very healthy. Every single person I've known with an eating disorder- including myself- have said that people are jealous.

Are they unhappy about their appearance? People don't always like change like this as it puts a mirror on themselves.

YANBU OP, I lost a similar amount in the past year and it's been anything but unhealthy - working hard in the gym, watching what I eat, tried WLD which really did nothing for me so stopped them again...you do you, and congrats on your weight loss and feeling so great!

Good for you OP, you do whatever you please to yourself if it makes you happy.

I have my brows done and very natural filler. It means I can go make up free without being self conscious.

They may be jealous of your new found happiness and confidence.

Weightloss is amazing well done. You don't mention what it is your family are unhappy about. Cosmetic interventions are not for everyone, I would worry about a family member who felt they needed to do all that.

I think you are being a bit black and white.

They aren’t saying they prefer you fat and miserable. They are saying that you are going hard at cosmetic treatments in a way that isn’t in character.

That’s a caring observation, and a reasonable concern to raise. A relaxed response would be, ‘No, it’s all good, I’m done now. I’ll just be better at self care from now on.’ Your reaction suggests it’s caught you on a nerve.

All the people who have had plastic surgery addictions or similar, started out with perfectly reasonable, small tweaks. At some point they edged across to dysmorphia and ended up looking like a cat, Barbie, an alien, or just someone else. Being asked to slow down a bit by your family is not an infringement on your civil liberties- even if they are wrong.

Well done OP. I suspect your mum and sis are a wee bit jealous. Take absolutely no notice.

Congratulations on the weight loss. I suspect when you say, 'the tiniest bit of filler' and they are both worried that you've gone too far that it isn't actually as tiny as you think it is. It's clearly quite obvious.

I'd be concerned if my sister was doing this - it does sound like you are having a lot of different work done and I'd wonder whether you were full of anxiety and insecurities underneath. That's just my opinion, obviously. I couldn't ever envisage having work done to my face so I'm dubious about people who do.

@Hatty65 it really was a tiny bit, if they’d seen me 2 weeks after it I doubt they’d even notice but of course I was swollen yesterday so it did look a bit more extreme!

Why would anyone be jealous of lip filler?

People can dislike a look without being jealous.

The thing is, I have gently explained before the reasons behind doing this now and I really don’t think it’s even as extreme as they’re making it sound. My sister is a conspiracy theory nut so she’s basically telling me I’m going to die, and my mum is just generally against any sort of cosmetic surgery but again, it’s my face and body and it’s not things that I’ve suddenly decided to do - it’s things I’ve always wanted to do/have enhanced, but felt like there was no point when I’d still have felt miserable due to my weight.

I'd have a lot to say if my daughter got lip filler. My sister not so much.

PS: this is how the filler looks today. Yes, it’s swollen and bruised but it will reduce by 50% over the next 2 weeks so it’s definitely not extreme! But even if it was, if that’s what I wanted then surely that’s my prerogative not theirs?

Because they’re jealous of how good the OP is feeling about herself.

I’m guessing that the OP has filled the family position of the fat girl who everyone feels slightly sorry for and oh no, her relationship has broken down now so we can carry on feeling sorry for her - only the OP has taken control of the narrative now.

I think it's normal for family to comment if another family member goes through a radical transformation. Perhaps it just comes from a place of concern?

Yes, I'd have a lot to say. Sorry.

What is their problem with it? Are they people who disapprove of fillers etc generally for feminist reasons /health concerns (but even so, your body, your business).

Or is it that YOU have had it done? Sometimes people are allocated a specific role in a family and if you act outside that role other members can get very cross without being able to explain why. I think it affects their own sense of equilibrium and stability. So you were "fat daughter" and now you're not. They were probably just getting used to your weight loss and now you're all glammed up and glossy too. I'm sensing perhaps some indignation that you didn't just accept being a middle aged old bag.

I bet you look great and well done on your weight loss.

Right ok. I disagree.

As I’ve got older I’ve started to realise why people have facelifts etc. My lips have pretty much disappeared, and drag down at the corner, so I look like a just have a downwards slash for a mouth.

If I had the guts id get a bit of work done.

I’m guessing that the OP has filled the family position of the fat girl who everyone feels slightly sorry for

They seemed more concerned about the tweakments rather than the weight loss.

Jealousy is always mentioned on these threads and sometimes it really isn't.

I look at some people and think - doesn't anyone love them enough to tell them?

Ultimately, it is your business. If you're happy, try to ignore them or tell them to mind their business.