To think that my appearance is no one else’s business?

[burntoranges]

I’ve lost 5 stone over the course of around a year, and I finally feel happy with myself for the first time in a very long time. The weight loss was fuelled by a relationship breakup, and I’ve really been prioritising self care and enjoying being alone. I feel genuinely happy and confident, and I’ve always been curious about aesthetic treatments but to be honest I never bothered because I knew I’d still feel rubbish until I’d shifted the weight so it felt pointless. Fast forward to now and so far I’ve had my eyebrows micro bladed, hair extensions fitted, and an upper blepharoplasty scheduled later this month as I’ve always had hooded eyes that are now starting to affect my vision due to the skin sagging onto my eyelashes.

I also got the tiniest bit of lip filler at the weekend, had zero plans of telling my family because it’s none of their business, but they saw me the afternoon I had it done and it’s like all hell has broken loose. My mum and sister are disgusted with me, saying I’m ’taking It too far’ and I don’t need anything done. I’m just so annoyed because I’m finally happy and confident and treating myself to these little tweaks that I KNOW the risks of, I’ve accepted those. I feel like they’d rather I went back to being fat and miserable.

AIBU to ignore them if they ever bring up my
looks as it’s none of their business? Am I being too harsh?

This post provides a good example of why your family might be concerned. Someone needing their brows microbladed and filler injected before they can go make-up free without being self-conscious is someone you should be concerned about.

May I ask why? And also why you’d “have a lot to say”or why you’d object if your adult daughter had work done?

Lol, this is what is known as you 'getting above your station' and they're spitting about it

Well done OP, Im the same, I notice the little pointed comments and actually love it that Ive made so much change for myself.

Jealousy is always mentioned on these threads and sometimes it really isn't.

My dad said to me I was taking my wedding weight loss too far and I looked gaunt. i don't think he was jealous!

I guess I am a bad parent with no boundaries, and strong objections to this look.

OP, even if it's coming from a place of concern, 'all hell breaking loose' is very extreme.

I'd be telling them that your appearance isn't up for discussion thanks, and change the subject every time.

Well, that would be huge numbers of teenage girls and young women, over the last 60 odd years.

My mum was a teen in the 50s and she wouldn’t even go out to get a pint of milk without her face on.

Is it right? No, not really. But it’s not especially unusual to be unconfident without make up when you’re younger.

What do you mean?

I don't think the weight loss is the issue here, it sounds like it's the cosmetic surgery they are worried about. They are probably concerned that whilst you have only had "a tiny bit" this time, you might have a little bit more next time. Sometimes people do go too far because of how low their self esteem is it can be a slippy slope. I don't think it's always jealousy.

or why you’d object if your adult daughter had work done

There's obviously nuance but if my dc wanted to inject all sorts into their face, go under anaesthetic etc I would be worried for them. I also love how I see my other family members reflected in my dc's faces & features.

It's expensive, there are risks & fashions change.

You’re not being unreasonable but your DM and DS are, it’s none of their business if you have lip filler or any other aesthetic procedure. My husband is an aesthetics practitioner and I was landed when he did his training, I’ve been his Guinea pig 🤣 . Congratulations on your weight loss too

Over a year it’s not sudden. It’s a good gradual weight loss.

I have explained adequately.

As long as you are a healthy weight and happy then they should butt out and even be happy for you.
If they thought you were underweight/had disordered eating then I think that is something close family should mention, ditto having a LOT of plastic surgery and self esteem being too tied up with appearance.
But if this isn't the case then they should shut up, perhaps they are a bit jealous. Im not usually a fan of lip fillers but I think your lips look good and from the snapshot you don't look underweight. It's great you are valuing and taking care of yourself!

I don’t think it’s jealousy.

I think lip filler looks ridiculous. Why would anyone want to look like they’ve been stung by a bee?

But I also wouldn’t act concerned. I would think it none of my business

Well done on your weight loss and on finding yourself again after a break up.

I voted Yanbu.

However there is a part of me that can understand your families worries - we’ve seen so many celebrities get addicted to treatments so they are probably looking out for you. But if you know you can stop when you’re done then it’s fine.

Or it could be that they felt OP went ott with changes.
I've seen some tweeking that doesn't look good at all, completely fake

Lots of people without an eating disorder have had negative comments too.

sone people just like the status quo and when someone who was comfortably the fat friend or fat cousin loses weight they feel aggrieved. Like it makes themselves look worse in their minds

Whoever did your filler did an excellent job OP, it looks great!

Of course it’s obvious. It’s day one. Your lips swell up like crazy. It settles over the next 2-3 days.

Well then you’d be rude as well

Your lips and chin are very beautiful. I’m sure the rest of you is too!

We can’t know if they are jealous and resent your upgrade from ‘the fat one’ to ‘the glam one’, whether it’s about conspiracy theory- it has risks as you know.

So we can’t tell you who IBU. But why not pause a couple of months before doing anything else? Have as many haircuts as you like, but pause the tattoos/injectables for a while, just in case.

If stopping gives you mad anxiety or anger, then they may have a point!

I would have liked SPMU- I’m rather fair and featureless and I’d love eyebrows and eyelashes! Looking at the longer term results I decided against it. Too risky.

I personally wouldnt have any filler or anything like that, am saving for a facelift though

However, these things are so common or garden that Im amazed that people would express 'concern'.

Its not concern, and perhaps the right word isnt exactly jealousy, I dont know the right word for it but essentially its keeping someone down at a lower level than they perceive them to be, the person less confident, the person overweight, the person they in own minds they might pity to some degree

Now that person is confident, loves how they look and feel, is enjoying themselves, taking control of themselves and their persona

So that now that 'pity' has to be transferred somehow, either to pity someone 'because Im so concerned at what they're doing to themselves' or 'I worry she doesnt have confidence and having to do these things to be happy'

All a load of rubbish.

Ok. I am not British and we have a different way of communicating. Am fine with it and so is DD.