To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

going on about lentil sausages and dead animals ... Tbh she can be a bit preachy

In all my 66 years on the planet, many of which when I was vegetarian, and now eating about 95% vegan, and specifically avoiding certain animal products for ethical reasons I've never actually met one of those.

I have however met many " oh go on a wee taste of "[whatever it is they know I don't eat]

Well your husband is a massive prick... ugh.

Is friend preachy out of the blue, unrelated to the conversation at hand etc, or is she preachy when provoked by twattery from your husband, or when she's challenged on why she's vegan or confronted by stupid 'gotchas' from idiots?

I would invite vegan friend - use a disposable bbq for her stuff and supply some vegan bits and bobs and she can bring her preferred meat substitutes.

And send your 'D'H to somewhere far far away, as his attitude is far more repellent than hers!

You're married to an arsehole.

Your husband doesn’t sound very nice. Quite rude, in fact.

Exactly , i have 2 family members who have been vegan long before it became popular , its no big deal we all accommodate them ,there are plenty of vegan options that aren't speciality foods.
Would you not invite them if they had a food allergy ?
Don't know how not having kids is relevant either.

You cannot knowingly invite a vegan and deliberately not cater for her. That’s terrible hosting!

But even worse is expecting her to come without even allowing her to bring her own food.

If she preaches then absolutely shut that down, but that’s a totally different issue. I think your guests will be far more uncomfortable sitting and watching someone with no food than watching her eat ‘lentil sausages’.

YABVVVVU being friends with a childfree vegan.
Friends with a childfree person - fine. Friends with a vegan - fine. but childfree AND vegan - that’s a huge no no

Actually you both sound like a bit of prick, your husband more so. If I had a friend like you who can't be arsed to cater for some common dietary requirements, I wouldn't bother with them ever.

Your husband is a moron with no manners.

Is your husband this much of a dick about every woman he meets or just vegans?

If he wants to talk rudeness, not supplying food all your guests can eat and decreeing people should eat and whatever he, King Twat, decides, is the height of rudeness.

And what, exactly, does your friend being child free have to do with the question? I’m guessing you hoped pointing out how lacking she is compared to your intended audience, would get more people on your side?

You sound like a pair of insufferable, judgemental dicks. On that basis alone she should stay well away from your bbq.

You husband is a prick. And so is anyone who talks about vegans 'lecturing'. I'm not a vegan in practice but they are entirely correct. And I'm so thankful i took the time to speak to one lad who was doing outreach. Fair enough, a barbeque might not be the best place to say anything but there's nothing to say she would. Unless asked. In which case I hope she does speak on it.

First post nails it. Your husband sounds like an awful individual. Or he’s not very bright.

Is he actually suggesting she should eat meat or dairy when she’s a vegan? Or would he happy for her to just stand there and eat nothing?

You state she can’t eat what’s provided so I’m assuming he isn’t planning to make sure there is plenty of vegan food available. Therefore what’s the problem in her bringing her own food?

I can’t imagine why anyone would object to anyone wanting to bring their own food to a BBQ, whether it’s halal, veggie, vegan or they just want to bring their own stuff? Surely that’s actually being helpful and a considerate guest if anything.

Why would you try and prevent that?

Yawn. Try harder

Is friend preachy out of the blue, unrelated to the conversation at hand etc, or is she preachy when provoked by twattery from your husband, or when she's challenged on why she's vegan or confronted by stupid 'gotchas' from idiots?

Bet it is this. That's certainly been my experience.

You for mentioning childfree: dickish
Your husband for thinking the friend should eat non-vegan food: dickish
Friend for preaching: dickish

Everyone needs to grow up and learn about being a good host and a good guest.

?

What’s her child free got to do with it? I think you should make an effort to provide a vegan option. Either way it’s fine to bring her own food. Your husband’s response is a bit odd. Does he not like your friend?

Pretty much what everyone else has said - I’m veggie & I wouldn’t trust your DH to cook for me because he sounds like the kind of prick who would sabotage the food on purpose, but I also wouldn’t dream of lecturing everyone else on not eating meat.

The only reason I can think of for childfree being relevant is that the friend might have form for lecturing people about that too.

What on earth does being child free have to do with anything?

Your DH is an ignorant and exclusionary twat.

Glad I don't know yur husband, what an arse. And that I have no firns who would evre think this is a question worth asking.

Your Dh sounds utterly awful. I wouldn’t let a non allergic person bring their own food to my house, but that’s because I cater for my guests! Isn’t that what normal people do?

No one has ever starved or had meager offering at my house. It's much more labour intensive to cook veggie burgers from scratch, I substitute the egg binding with olive oil,so they are vegan friendly,easy to pop to the shop and get beef burgers. People have little imagination. Im old school I cook from scratch. Plenty of flavour I do a mean sweet potato dhal..

Hello Op, not coming back to discuss your dickish DH and your lack of hosting abilities, quelle surprise.

Your DH is awful. Does he not like your friend and wants to purposely exclude her? Or is he just making her life choices about him and taking on himself to be offended?
as the host you should technically be catering for your vegan friend as you would all your other guests - unless you are also expecting your meat eating friends to bring their own main courses too? By inviting her and then not providing a mains like you are all the other guests you are basically saying you don’t really care whether she eats a proper meal or not and that you care about your meat eating guests more.
your friend has done no wrong - she has inferred from the invite that she isn’t going to be fed so has asked to bring her own food so she doesn’t go hungry.

@BBQDramaQueen

your husband sounds a prick. Not everyone wants to eat animal corpse. He needs to show your friend some respect.

if you’re inviting a vegan you should provide some vegan options. Sort that out, OP. Basic hosting.

thirdly it’s totally irrelevant that your friend is child free. Is she somehow less worthy and deserving in the minds of you and your husband because she isn’t a mother?? Re- evaluate that.

HTH.