To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

It’s just froth-bait.

Don't see what being child free has to do with anything.

If she is genuinely going to sit there and lecture other people on their meat eating then yeah, obviously she shouldn't do that and should be picked up on it.

If it's what it sounds like, that she wants to be included without being any trouble to meat-eating hosts, then she sound like a really nice and considerate friend, and of course she should come!

My mum and brother are vegetarian, and when we have BBQs at ours, we cook our meat on the BBQ and they bring theirs ready to cook in an oven dish and shove it in the oven. They never make a fuss about it, everyone is happy!

So, wait, she doesn't get to eat that day?

Lecturing has NOTHING to do with what she eats. If she lectures people let them speak up and tell her to shut up if it bothers them.

Your husband just wants to punish her because he disagrees with her stance.

Tell him to message her if he wants to be a nasty twat. You're not his gopher.

Not read the rest of the thread but first answer nails it.

Obviously not real but I’ll bite.

Whats her bring child free got to do with it?

Why would you invite someone who is vocally against eating meat to a BBQ?

Why would you not provide a vegan option?

Why does she have to sit there and not eat anything?

Why do you listen to your DH even though he’s obviously very thick?

Why would you be so thick as to need other peoples opinions on it.

And most of all, do you think we’re that stupid?

If I am inviting a vegan, I make sure there is vegan food for them. She is being very obliging to bring her own. Not sure what being childfree has to do with it.

Why as hosts are you & your dp not catering for all your guests including those with specific dietary requirements? You both sound like intolerant boots tbh, you going on about her being child free & him wanting to uninvite her because she's vegan.

Your DH is an idiot. A vegan at a bbq 😂. I always decline bbq’s and dinner parties now because I much prefer to go to a restaurant.

No, he’s being a prick. If she was that militant she wouldn’t attend at all. I don’t eat meat and often take some food to a bbq because I wouldn’t expect them to cater for me (although more often than not they do). When I was a meat eater I’d take food and drink to a bbq anyway, not just for me, for anyone that fancies it. If there’s a separate part to the grill she might be up for veggie skewers but I know some people don’t want their food anywhere near meat (I’m not fussy, through my halloumi, veggie burgers and skewers on anywhere!).

Hang on, is she one of those vegans?

going on about lentil sausages and dead animals ... Tbh she can be a bit preachy

Obviously you can't make her eat meat - and you really should provide some tofu, falafel and whatever. But if DH's point is really that she's a pain in the arse, he might not be wrong.

I have no idea what being childfree has to do with it

YABVU to invite someone you know is vegan to an event you're hosting and not provide her with a meal she can eat.

I would never dream of inviting people to my house and not providing for allergies and other dietary requirements (vegetarian/vegan).

I think you should be providing food for her. You have guests and cater to them. However I'd be annoyed if she sat talking about veganism all day. There's literally nothing more boring than a vegan.

I’m not vegan but it would be no trouble at all for me to make something available for vegan guests. He’s a meanie.

I agree with this. I think you should be grateful she's bringing her own food and making the effort.

@Miyagi99, you're vegan and you eat halloumi???

Not sure how bored someone has to be to fabricate a click bait story on MN. Surely, it’s time to light the bbq?

How bloody rude is your DH?! I’m vegetarian, all my friends and family will do veggie food for me if they invite me for a BBQ. I would be happy to bring my own, but they all offer. Your DH clearly doesn’t like your friend very much.

I’m a meat eater, and quite happy to provide for vegan friends when l’m hosting. But going vegan is their choice and l’m not willing to be lectured on mine. It’s not about being unable to take hearing about meat being dead animals. It’s about not having other peoples’ life choices and beliefs rammed down your throat in such a way as to deliberately put you off your food, at a barbecue where meat is the main event. Turning up and then ruining the occasion for others is beyond rude.

YABU. Would your DH be moaning if it was a religious restriction? At least her views have some basis in logic.

also fail to understand why her parental status is in any way relevant.

👏

She definitely should be able to bring her own food if you don’t plan to cater for her needs (also easier for you than having to go out and get vegan specific food) but I wouldn’t allow the preachy comments on what others are eating. I would nip that in the bud right away. “Yes sally we know your feelings on eating meat now please let people eat in peace.”

Or maybe she did eat them but having found them hard to digest despite them being free range has since gone vegan.

I'm going to assume your DH has first hand experience of her being "a bit preachy". If he knows for a fact she's going to be berating people for eating meat and harassing them to try her vegan crap then he's absolutely right.

Personally I wouldn’t want to come to your bbq or be your friend

Your friend shouldn’t be preachy at your bbq but you should cater for her.