To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

So what were you expecting your friend to eat if you aren’t going to cater to her?

You are rude to not have some vegan options for her, and then incredibly rude for not wanting her to bring something she can eat.

I’m guessing you will be tight hosts who give their guests one burger each.

If you’re not going to cater for all your guests properly then yes yabvu to not allow her to bring her own food. If you’re hosting why would you allow someone to sit there with an empty plate or not a proper meal because you’re not hosting right. Very rude of you and DH

First reply nails it as usual. Unless your DH is happy to set up a separate vegan cooking area and grill some veggies for her and research a whole vegan BBQ menu? Tell him he’s being a fucking twat.

What a strange OP. Don't understand why we need to know they are childless?

The normal thing to do is to provide food for all your guests. If you invite a vegan then you provide some vegan options for them. (although I do note this never happens the other way round- vegans seem to expect everyone to eat vegan when they host)

I’m just taking the piss. As previous posters said I think OP is bored and has come up with something to get posters frothing

You’re not really asking if she should bring her own food are you, you’re asking if you should uninvite her.

Also to echo PPs - OP please explain what your friend’s parental status has to do with any of this?! If she had kids would you be more willing to cater for three dietary requirements?!

Can't beat this answer 😂

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages
He's wrong here

and dead animals
and right here

does she have form for being a self-righteous PITA and rudely going on about it in other people's homes?

you hubby is not being awful

Why would you not provide a vegan option for her? As a host it is gracious and kind to provide for the dietary requirements of all your guests whatever they may be. Nobody should be invited for dinner or a BBQ at someone's home and feel compelled to bring their own food. Your DH is a dick and sounds a little simple.

A good host would provide something for a vegan friend.

Following as I'm hoping that the OP comes back to explain why the friend's childfree status is relevant to her veganism. 😂

Of course you should cater. Create a "Rocking Vegan Fun Zone" next to the bins. Provide a lettuce, bowl of water. There she can pontificate that she's definitely saving the world and all her animal equals. Then after the sermon she can kick back with the flies and enjoy the self satisfying smell of her own farts.

You should be providing vegan food for your guest as the host.

Why mention that she’s child free?

Your husband is a dick.

If your friend sits there eating a vegan sausage and telling you all you are meat eating murders then she'd be a dick. But I presume she won't be and she'd just avoid a BBQ if that was the case. Personally if I invited a vegan friend to a BBQ, I'd buy and cook a vegan sausage for them. So I think she's being nice and saving you the trouble

The issue is not about her bringing her own food (which clearly she will have to do if there is nothing vegan on offer) but whether you want her there at all to be "preachy."

If she is going to eat her own food without drawing attention to herself then fine. If she is going to mouth off amd be preachy that would be really rude and uncomfortable for other guests and she shouldn't come.

@QuantumLampshader

what exactly is your issue with vegans??

p.s I bet as a meat eater your farts smell much worse 🤢

@Brickiscool

just the one sausage? Anything else??

Agreed.

OP, your husband is a twat. Make a vegan stew served with bread rolls. I did 5l of it for a party we had and there was none left by the end of it: only one person was vegan!

How awful! Of course she should be allowed to bring her own food.

Goodness, as a childless single woman I knew I was a bit of a pariah, but thanks for confirming it. I never realised that what we scale ridden childless singletons could earn extra pariah points from what we chose to eat/not eat though.

Your "DH" sounds like an absolute knob.

Again- does this ever actually happen?

Quite clearly a rage baiting post. Ignore and report.

Does everything at the BBQ contain animal products? What is the salad? Lard?

Your husband's take on this is extraordinary.

At the very least, you should allow her to bring her own food.

But as others have said, as a host who has invited her, knowing she is vegan, I really feel it's on you to ensure there is at least some stuff on offer she can eat.

I am hosting a picnic soon and have one friend coming who is vegetarian and will not eat anything she sees a UPF (and her views on this are fairly strict - will not eat shop bought bread for example).

I have gone through the menu carefully to ensure there are at least one item in each category (one main, one salad, one dip etc) that she can eat. Doesn't mean the whole thing has to be veggie and made from scratch, but I am making sure there will be sufficient, offered by me, that she can make a meal of.

She is also very welcome to contribute her own dishes of course, I am hoping several people may choose to do so as variety is always nice, tho I am not demanding it.

Out of interest, will your husband be angry if other guests bring food to the BBQ? Or just her?