To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

I have a vegan relative and I wouldn’t dream of inviting him and not providing vegan food along side the meat option. I find non vegans enjoy bean chilli and veg curry too, and it’s great as left overs, so I make loads. Sounds like your DH doesn’t like your friend.

She can eat what she wants, as can everyone else, without her preaching.

It’s not a rare point of view no, but it’s really not appropriate to be banging on about it at a barbecue.

Your DH is being an arse. What vegan options were you planning to provide for her? Or weren’t you planning to cater for all of your guests? In which case would you prefer she goes without?

if she wangs on about veganism while people are enjoying their food I would tell her to can it.

Your DH is being an arse. What vegan options were you planning to provide for her? Or weren’t you planning to cater for all of your guests? In which case would you prefer she goes without?

if she wangs on about veganism while people are enjoying their food I would tell her to can it.

DH is very unreasonable.

But also - can’t you cater for the veggies / vegans? Some yummy salads and a veggie burger or two?

Bringing her own food is fine.
Lecturing others, absolutely not.

I don't want to hear anyone's views on not eating meat.

Your husband is a prick.

From most dickish to the least in this scenario:

1- your DH (although it was a close call)
2- you for your needlessly judgy and totally irrelevant “child free” reference
3 - your friend - slightly annoying with the preaching although seems pretty nice to bring her own stuff so you don’t have to cater for her prefs

If you know your friend is vegan you’re being very shit hosts to not provide something she can eat in the first place.

Your husband is a complete wanker, thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

Your DH is being a dick, I assume he doesn’t like her. Just ask her not to bang on about animal rights if you really must (and she does indeed start banging on). Ps intrigued - why mention her being child free? Do you suddenly cease to be able to be vegan if you reproduce? Asking for a confused friend..

Your DH is a horrible bully.

I was wondering that

Why are you not telling your husband he’s being ridiculous and of course she’s welcome to bring her own food? What does he expect her to do - rock up and down a sausage because she’s ever so grateful you invited her, despite the fact she’s childfree?? Frankly, you know she’s vegan you should have made provisions for her, it’s not uncommon nowadays and lots of meat eaters like vegan options. Also, you obviously have an issue with her being child free as it’s not relevant to the question at all and it’s not why she’s vegan. Have a look at your own attitude towards your friend.

She should of course bring her own food. I would have a word with her before the bbq however and ask her to go easy on the proselytizing on veganism as you want people to enjoy their food.

I don’t think it’s this straightforward to be honest. I have a few vegan friends and l provide vegan side dishes and salads at barbecues, but they prefer to bring their own mains because they don’t want their food cooked with equipment used for meat.

Just cater for her - really not that hard, do a couple of vegan salads (or a vegan version of another salad you would be making anyway i.e. minus meat/cheese etc), pack of vegan burgers (v easy to find in supermarkets), roast veggies (sweetcorn, peppers etc) and some vegan buns (also not that difficult to find!). Add crisps and hummus and that's plenty.

I’m vegan myself. She’s not expecting you to accommodate her by asking you provide her food which is kind of her but it shouldn’t be like that. You know she’s vegan, you’re providing food for everyone else so it’s not hard to get some vegan burgers or sausages. Birds Eye do cheap vegan burgers or beyond, this isn’t even Tesco own brand. I don’t see how you can accommodate everyone else but not her? She’s ensuring people don’t go out of the way for her yet you’re literally making it an issue that she shouldn’t have vegan food and go hungry??? Your husband is projecting his thoughts about vegans onto someone who’s doing nothing wrong and not forcing you to buy her food or anything. You’re weird.

in my experience as a vegan, we have a lot of people comment on our food saying ‘it looks disgusting’, ‘how can you eat rabbit food’. Then make the entire conversation about being vegan like ‘why are you vegan’, ‘no wonder you’re skinny’, ‘you’re not getting the nutrients’, ‘do you not miss bacon’. Then when we retaliate by replying to comments that other people bring up, suddenly WE are preachy???? Most of us mind our business and people are just commenting on us and make us being vegan a big issue. So I think you’re likely confusing her being preachy as her replying to comments made to her

Provide a vegan option and she won’t need to bring her own.

Your dh sounds horrible and you are almost as bad for not telling him how ridiculous he is.

Is the child free comment in case parents are put off their own dc if she mentions that she doesn’t have children?

You should provide vegan food. Oh and your husband is a total twat

YABVU, especially posting with child free title, what's being Vegan to do with child. Ridiculous!

Why is she child-free?
Might you have provided some vegan food if she had children?

To stir up more froth.

Because us Childfree types are seen as weird and something to be othered?

It goes against the status quo so its just another thing to be negative about "oh she's VEGAN, you know what they're like!
Oh she's childfree , you know how preachy they can get!