To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

That made me laugh and feel enraged at the removal of the laughing emoji simultaneously

No, I said I don’t eat meat.

There's very little else on here these days

This early post is all you need to know.
And reserve an area to cook vegan/vegetarian food separately so it doesn't get contaminated with meat products.

I'm a meat eater, but have no problem with extending basic courtesy to all my guests and have always done the above at our own bbq parties.

Your husband is a nob and you're bad hosts expecting her to bring food poor lass.

Seeing as the OP hasn’t been back, I’m guessing we’re being taken on a trip to Mumsnet’s favourite destination, Goady Old Shitsville. But on the off-chance this is real - OP, see if you can guess which of these is an unacceptable answer to a childless vegan asking if she can bring her own food:

1. “Oh no, you don’t need to do that! We invited you - of course we’ll make sure we’ve got something you can eat.”

2. “You don’t have to; we’re quite happy to provide vegan food. But if there’s something you’d particularly like then of course you can bring it.”

3. “Who the bloody hell do you think you are, hmm?! Bringing your own bloody food?! As if it isn’t bad enough that you’ll be prancing around flaunting your flawless fanny and showroom condition womb while the rest of us scramble around on the ground looking for our pelvic floors, now you want to bring your own Quorn burgers!! Well you can fuck right off, madam! You can eat a slice of cow in a bap like the rest of us or you can piss off and die!!”

I’m a veggie, @Grumpyoldpersonwithcats, so my guests get vegetarian food as standard. But obviously I cater for vegans & people with allergies, including giving them the option of bringing their own food, because it’s only polite.

If I invited vegan friends I'd at least have veggie sausages/kebabs available so YABU to invite then not cater for her. Your husband sounds like an arse

Its not very nice to not provide something a bit more substantial than leaves when catering for someone surely. Id be starving! Especially having told them not to bring their own.

Lol. Actually laughed out loud at that.

I would never expect a vegetarian or a vegan to provide meat products were I to visit them.

I should have more accurately described myself as an omnivore 😁

Of course she can bring her own food - she will be much more uncomfortable seeing people eat meat. I have a ton of food allergies and eating anywhere is extremely stressful.
Also, why mention that she is child-free? That had no bearing in the matter. Bit judgemental.

Yep, agree

Also curious as to why her child-free status is relevant, and why you didn't offer to cater for her but, more than that, although she's your friend, why oh why did you invite a vegan to a traditional bbq?

Husband. Wanker.

I have not read all the post but what has your friend''s child status got to do with being Vegan. I think your husband sounds like a nasty person.

I’d let her bring her own food. I’m sure your guests will have experienced preachy behaviour so they’ll be able to deal with it if she lectures them at a BBQ. Just crack on

I always provide food for anyone with dietary restrictions (voluntary or medical) your dh is a bit odd in not wanting to provide food

This.

I'm vegetarian. Have been for 40 years. I've NEVER been invited anywhere since about 1985 where there hasn't been something offered that I could eat.

My OH & 3DC eat meat, but that doesn't mean I don't cater for them as I don't. DS1's gf is vegan, of course I make sure there's food she can eat.

Your DH is a total dick.

YaBU. Just throw a pack of vegetarian sausages into your next shopping. Why should she bring her own food?

Your DH is being rude and obnoxious.
As a non-vegan myself I’d try to provide vegan options for my guest, but I know sometimes they can get eaten up by others who assume it’s a side or just nice! It’s thoughtful of her to say she’ll just bring her own food, I’d be embarassed if she found out my husband was saying this about her.

*Edit: also meant if I was her I’d be offended someone thought this about me bringing vegan food along to eat

Doesn't say much about her choice in life partner & people vetting skills does it?

My suggestion is to make vegetable kebabs (courgette, mushroom, pepper and onion) make lots because the meat eaters will eat them too

Your DH is a twat.

If you've invited someone you know is vegan, it would be appropriate for you to cater for that person. As it is, she's saved you the trouble and offered to bring her own.

Of course she shouldn't preach, but to be honest, meat-eaters are really peculiar. You'll all happily scoff meat but get really offended when you're reminded what it comes from. Like, it's just a fact that you're eating a dead animal's body that was slaughtered for you to do so. If that fact makes you feel some type of way-maybe reflect on that.

Her being child-free has zero relevance.

Well, if she's childfree, then of course she should not bring her vegan food! The nerve!

Your DH is bonkers, on this, and your heading is very strange in its focus. But how on earth would prohibiting her bringing her vegan food ensure she wouldn't talk about animal rights at the bbq?