To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

Actually you're almost certainly right. Unfortunately it pushed my buttons. Sigh.

The OP is as big a knob as her imaginary husband if this is the case.

I think it's rude to ask someone to a catered event and not provide food they can eat.

It would be really rude to refuse that they bring their own food if you're not providing any, or uninvited her

Your DH is a dick.

but also if you’re providing food for the others, you should be catering to her dietary requirements.

Bloody hell it’s hard enough being vegan & friends having barbecues without said ‘friends’ not even allowing you to bring your own food.

Why is your husband such an utter arsehole? Is this indicative of other behaviour? He sounds like a controlling knobhead.

As an aside, if anyone is put off the idea of eating meat when they confront the idea that it’s a dead animal, they probably shouldn’t be eating meat!

Maybe your OH is in denial that he’s uncomfortable with his own choices.

If she’s your friend and you want her there, then you & your husband should do what it takes to be welcoming hosts.

DH is being an idiot. More worrying is that you initially did the right thing, then a quick word from your idiot husband and you are doubting yourself. Does this happen often? The mum is being thoughtful and respectful by not even expecting you to cater for her. Perhaps stop listening to your husband.

There's the salad

A vegan would only eat their young if said child had consented.

It sounds like you are not really her friend, why did you invite her to.a meat feast if you knew she is vegan and you were not going to provide a meat free alternative? And what does her not having children have to do with anything?

Friend bringing her own food is surely not the issue here.
Your husband is an ass if he thinks she can simply eat what you provide, presumably no vegan choice. 2nd issue is friend need to realise, and if necessary be told, that no preaching is welcome. Child-free I agree is irrelevant

@BBQDramaQueen

This. Nothing else. Just this. ⬆️

Either you provide to guests dietary needs or you let them bring along their own food. Given you are hosting you should be doing the former really.

Your DH seems to have an existing problem with her. Has she said something before about his eating meat to offend him?

Really as a host you should be providing her with food and if it is going on the bbq then cook it first before any meat products 'contaminate' the grill. As friends you should both respect each other's views and way of life.

Bringing own food is fine, preaching isnt.

I would be happy if she brough her own food if it was something I wasnt familiar with and wouldnt be sure its something she would eat.

Yeah, you're right and like a fool I got drawn in.

I'm going to have to stay away from Mumsnet for my own sanity as it seems like so many of the threads on here are like this these days. Obviously Mumsnet mods and owner don't give a shit as long as the money keeps rolling in.

I wouldn't have any issue with a friend bringing their own food to enjoy. However, I would ask and expect they didn't vocalise their views on eating animals whilst others are trying to eat their meal. No need for anyone to be put off their food or to feel guilty for having different preferences and food taste.

This - why would you invite her if you’ve no intention of hosting her.

If You invite someone to a BBQ then you should be providing food that they can eat. She’s been very nice and offered to bring her own. Not sure what being childfree has to do with it. Are you expecting her to find some children to bring and eat meat for the day? 😂

Nice attempt at a wind up OP.

Child free and vegan? Why not make said friend born male just to get the trio of things Mumsnet hates

Really sorry about your husband op.

You and your husband sound awful. Her being child free is so irrelevant it makes you sound insane

What's up with Mumsnet these days? If it's not a fake OP it's a bot in the middle of the thread derailing it. Are the posters people or AI? I actually believe nothing on MN these days. I may even be a bot myself 🤷🏼‍♂️💃💃💃

Why do people respond sincerely to posts like these? Obvious baiting.

He might not be wrong to say she can't bring food she can eat because he doesn't like her? Better just to not invite her then.