Nursery hand over comment. Would you complain?

[Evelyynn]

Btw I’m not the parent. Or the nursery practitioner.

If your child was handed over to you, and the practitioner said ‘’we’ve had to have a chat with childs name today, as she hasn’t been using kind words to staff and has had a bit of an attitude’’. Would this be something you’d complain the manager about, the use of the word ‘attitude’? The child is 3.

There is a real problem in education, including Early Years, at the moment with parents jumping straight to making a "complaint" about concerns that could be resolved with a simple conversation. It takes up huge amounts of staff time to follow up and has a significant impact on staff wellbeing. I've seen many good Teachers pushed over the edge by ridiculous parental complaints and its definitely getting worse. I feel sorry for whoever ends up teaching your friends child.

This will be the same parent marching into school every day to complain, then wonder why said child is an out of control tyrant at the age of 10.

I must admit that it’s very true! This is a huge reason as to why I don’t want to be in teaching much longer.

Parent is offended because their darling angel isn’t being so darling.

Non problem.

Your friend sounds awful. Presumably she's not bothered to deal with her child's bad behaviour that was actually the subject of the report?

What's the issue? Do you think the parents should not be told when they've been bad?
Surely the parent would ask for details on what happened?

Nothing wrong with the word attitude. I’m assuming she also not heard of the phrase “threenager” either 😉

I know a person that screams, swears and talks to their children like absolute garbage so when these children go into school I can imagine that the children display this sort of behaviour, monkey see monkey do. I can also imagine that same parent doing the same as your friend. Your friend is in the wrong the child needs to learn what's right and wrong and if nobody tells them how will they ever learn?

What a drama llama. My threenager has a major attitude problem. She needs to be having words with her child about the language they are using!

Why would you complain? Lord. 😂 I’d simply ask for more information so I could have a word myself when we got home. I know parents like this though. Every awful thing their child does is definitely the fault of another child or the school. Many schools later, there is a clear common denominator. 🙄

Your friend sounds a delight 🙃

You’d be mortified with the behaviour of your THREE year old?

I’d not be happy with the language of the practitioner either. The child is 3.

This has made me properly chuckle, knowing the wording the nursery worker will have wanted to use! “Your kid has been a gobby little shite all day and we’re sick of them: do your job and straighten them the fuck out or you’ll have issues.”, is likely closer to the truth.

Can’t believe your mate has complained instead of asking for more info/examples to see if or what needs addressing.

"Not using kind words" wtf does that mean? What words did she use?

Isn't it part of the nursery workers job to help children with their language and social skills? Telling the parent they "had to have words" with her, sounds really ominous. I'd want to know exactly what the incident was and how they handled it.

Correct response is
“what did she say?”
”I’m so disappointed to hear that, I will speak with her at home and reiterate that that behaviour is not acceptable. Thank you for making me aware.”

And there lies the problem. If your friend's main issue is the wording and not how the child is behaving then that is the exact reason it is happening. She cannot be told the truth and accept it and deal with it, she has to deflect onto someone else as if they are the problem.

So she wants fluffy language because she cannot deal with the reality that her child isn't behaving well. Child is likely copying her mum and given she has ranted and raved to you about it said child will have heard that and be seeing it as a green light to use those words when in nursery.

I'm sure they would have elaborated if mum had asked instead of stropped... of course nursery helps children with language and social skills, alongside parents, not for them.

Your kid has been a gobby little shite all day and we’re sick of them: do your job and straighten them the fuck out or you’ll have issues

😳. child is 3. Child is 3 child is 3

I'd ask what words she'd been using.

Even 3yos should be told not to be rude. They might not get it immediately, but they need to be consistently corrected until they learn manners. Let them get away with it at 3, good luck when they're 13!

It’s also the parents job to make their children accountable.

Surely it’s self explanatory what ‘not using kind words’ means! No? It means they have been unkind, perhaps they were mean to another child. I don’t think we need to know the specifics!! That’s for the OPs friend.

It’s not ominous that the staff had to have words with the child. I have to have words with a lot of my pupils on a daily basis, I also don’t report every single time I do, partly because I would never get home!

Of course. There was a post on here a while back, where a child had managed to get out of a nursery room somehow and the staff in that room made the child accountable (I can’t remember the specifics) but making a child accountable for poor safeguarding wasn’t a thing for me!

In this case, the child absolutely needs to learn what’s socially acceptable. If they’ve been mean and had an attitude then they need to realise, it’s not the right thing to do! The staff absolutely did the right thing….i mean 50+ years ago, kids were caned but we can’t speak to them about being mean to another child? Come on!!

What did you say to your friend @Evelyynn ?

I have a friend who does this shit and her DC is becoming a little nightmare because nobody is able to give DC discipline/consequences/ask DC to play independently for a moment whilst you do something. DC is intense and rude. Nursery staff don’t bother pulling up behaviour anymore. School staff will struggle.
And ultimately DC will struggle the most when hearing no for the first time.

It isn’t gentle parenting. It’s completely cruel to allow a child to think they’re above being told they are to speak to someone without being rude or not learning disappointment or even boredom are a part of every day life. It’s spoiling and deeply unfair on children who are in the future going to be devastated by normal life events.

Won't they just tell her that her child need to learn how to behave in a mixed setting and here a list of things she can do to help?

I remember a mother at last primary stroming in and mouthing off she was putting them in their place as her child had been told off - the meeting she was told some hard truths banned from school premises and came out very sheepish and contrite. Very good example to go in polite and calm and work up to clam quiet anger if needed based on their reponses to inital contact.