Nursery hand over comment. Would you complain?

[Evelyynn]

Btw I’m not the parent. Or the nursery practitioner.

If your child was handed over to you, and the practitioner said ‘’we’ve had to have a chat with childs name today, as she hasn’t been using kind words to staff and has had a bit of an attitude’’. Would this be something you’d complain the manager about, the use of the word ‘attitude’? The child is 3.

By the time a staff member says that it will be a pattern of behaviour shown by the child, not just one day. They are hoping the parent will work with them at addressing it.

Precisely - if all the staff get is aggro they won’t bother bringing it to the parents attention. Should work as a team with educators, if you view them as the enemy your child will not thrive and the setting is not right.

Crikey, your mate needs to get a grip. My childminder used to tell me my (then) toddler had 'the devil in his eye' on days when he was being a sod. And she was not wrong.

Your friend is a dickhead.

3yrs old can have an attitude, seems like overkill to me. She should be focusing on fixing her 3yrs olds attitude over going for the nursery staff.

No it isn't in the slightest bit obvious. It's totally vague. Was her child mean to another child/children/teacher? Or is she swearing / using particular 'bad' words in the course of daily play? Or is there something specific triggering the 'unkindness' like not being able to share with the other kids or bossing them about? If the nursery staff can't pinpoint the actual behaviour then what is the point in telling the mother about it afterwards?

I have to have words with a lot of my pupils on a daily basis, I also don’t report every single time I do, partly because I would never get home!
Well quite. It seems ominous that it's been reported to the parent, and especially without a clear explanation of the troubling behaviour. "Having words" (talking to modify their behaviour?) with children should be a normal part of every day life in a nursery. It seems more like self-protection. For example, the nursery worker lost her temper with the child and wants to get in there first with the mother to put her version of events across.

Your “friend” is being ridiculous.

I DEFINITELY wouldn't complain- they've not said anything wrong- they've been honest & factual about the unacceptable behaviour - all 3yr olds can be utter dicks sometimes! Correcting them has to start early - the nursery would have done it in an age appropriate way. I work in a Primary School & the rudeness & disrespectful I experience in a daily basis is off the charts- I applaud nurseries taking steps to manage that at age 3!

People will do anything to avoid addressing an issue with their child’s behaviour.

Your friend is a twat! She should be more concerned with the fact that her 3yr old was acting so inappropriately that the nursery had to speak to her in the first place. They've wrapped it up in polite & factual language when telling her at the end of the day, but basically, that child would have been a rude brat!

I work in a nursery with 3 yr olds. Of course some kids can have an attitude! It's a polite way of saying your child was a little shit today. An example would be a child who refuses to put on coat or wash hands or whatever and says no, or you can't make me. Or refusing to share or bossing others or telling other kids you don't like them. You could say they were being defiant, obnoxious, difficult, mean, unfriendly, disobedient and many other words but 'having an attitude' kind of covers all. That's probably how I would phrase it too.

The parent complaining about the complaint is being ridiculous. If it was my room and behaviour was bad I think I'd have to just use other words that are harsher. You have an obligation to report issues. Then I'd probably avoid day to day chats and stick to essential information only. The relationship would become tense and negative and ultimately the child loses out.

What’s wrong with the word attitude in this scenario?

The child displayed a bad attitude and had to be spoken to.

What description would your friend prefer?!

’Mrs Johnson, little Arabella was a complete cunt today!’

How do you know? Just because the OP hasn’t been specific about what it is, doesn’t mean they don’t know some details.

You are massively overthinking the whole thing. Fundamentally it’s the OPs friends business what happened.

It’s not ‘ominous’ by any stretch of the imagination that staff had to speak to the child. Also, how has having words with the child suddenly veered into the staff member losing their temper? Honestly MN is crazy sometimes!

I suspect the OP knows her friend is batshit and wants to justify her feelings on the matter!

Precisely! I’ve never met a 3yo that is a consistent angel either. Quite natural if they’ve been a ‘mare all day to be secretly thinking they’re a gobby little shite 😂. Never understand the people who think being 3 is an excuse for bad behaviour. You don’t have to react poorly to the behaviour but you can firmly and kindly tell them that it’s not acceptable, every single time.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

I think that, yes, she would be offended by anything negative that anyone says about her DC. That’s why she has turned it around on to what the staff member has said

She does get away with a lot, for example bad behaviour when we went out shopping once, and she was ‘rewarded’ and got to pick a toy to ‘keep her quiet’ and that’s happened quite a few times

I said that it's ominous that it's been reported, and in such a vague way. You said yourself you don't bother to report this kind of thing up to parents. Sorry that you keep misunderstanding me, despite me repeatedly explaining.

FFS

I already feel very sorry for the teachers of her child's future school...

On hand over, the child is obviously present. So using that same terminology while they're in earshot makes total sense.

Nursery workers really do get a raw deal.

They work long hours looking after multiple children all day, have to monitor progress and hit learning targets for each of them, have to remember a million rules and guidelines, clean up shit and vomit, log every meal and nappy change, deal with various incidents that crop up each day, provide a detailed handover for parents. All for minimum wage. And then they have to deal with obnoxious parents who want to haul them over the coals for what they perceive to be a poor choice of wording.

Your friend is a dickhead.

Yes

Im sorry that you keep twisting my words to suit whatever agenda you have.

You have not ‘repeatedly’ explained anything but consistently spun this agenda that you think it’s ominous. I don’t always report this kind of thing, sometimes I do! But when there are multiple instances of it by various children it becomes impossible to speak to all of the parents all of the time! Sorry that bit wasn’t quite as understandable to you! Clearly the OPs friends daughter was out of line and it was out of character, and the nursery felt the need to say something!!

I suggest we leave it there! We aren’t going to agree. So let’s agree to differ, you comments are bordering on calling me stupid!

I'm sure a PP has already said this, but if I was the manager I would be suggesting your friend finds another nursery.

It's clear where the child gets her bad attitude from!

I wouldn't complain no. I would speak to the child and try and make sure nothing was wrong, and remind them how to behave to staff and other kids. They were telling you she misbehaved and was rude. They couldn't really have said it in a more subtle way I don't think.