Invisible at 60.

[canyouseemyhousefromhere]

Not sure if this is the right place but here goes….
As a 60+ woman I find it sad to think of myself as invisible. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and later I would have lots of attention from men. I am happily married to a lovely attentive man but when I’m out on my own I am completely invisible. Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?

She only mentioned men and male attention. She said nothing about work or life in general.

I'm 63, have zero interest in men or sex but I still love to go out feeling and looking great and I'm having a facelift later on this year.
I'm not doing it for men. I'm doing it for me.
Don't we all want to look our best? Or are we supposed to turn into Mrs Doyle once we hit 60?

You seem to be missing my point completely.

Me too.. I’m only a couple of years behind you. It’s a gradual process and not easy.. but at my age I value my health and family above all.

Not really. You seem to be assuming that the OP feels a general 'invisibility' but that is based on what YOU feel, not on what she actually wrote.

That's you, though. The OP framed her post entirely in terms of the male gaze. I'm all for looking your best (whatever you feel that to be) at any age. However, that isn't what the OP was talking about. She was very clearly talking about sexual capital, and I have to say that I find that a little sad.

@ExercicenformedeZ

I was waiting for the word “sad” from you, and I believe this is why you are trying to shut other posters down who are offering alternative, deeper, or more complex explanations for the OP’s feelings. So that you can judge the OP for being “sad” and shallow, and judge other women for it too.

She kind of did actually.

You are inventing her 'deeper explanations'. They are in your head, not in her words.

Yes, she did. Which means she isn't all that happily married, clearly.

Totally agree with this:)

Same here. I'm not invisible, I'm treated like a human being and that's how I treat others. Happy to chat and interact with people I meet as I go about my day.

I’m not sure how not feeling invisible or not wanting male attention translates to not wanting to look your best. As you say, you do that for yourself. Other people’s reaction is irrelevant.

Precisely. I look better (to my own eyes) than I did when I was twenty years younger. The sort of attention that men give young women has very little to do with their physical appearance and everything to do with their nubility. I am not saying that I ignored by men now as that would be a lie, but it isn't as relentless as it was many years ago and for that I can only be grateful. And I still don't understand why the OP cares about being attractive to anyone other than her husband. That seems a bit needy and greedy to me.

I agree. When I go out I make a bit of an effort too and of course it's nice to be complimented by my husband and friends, but as long as I'm happy with how I look I really don't care what other people think.

But the OP lamented that she once received "lots of attention from men" and she now realises she's "undesirable".

She also said she's happily married so I don't understand why she wants to appear desirable to other men. It was a genuine question.

Obviously I know that not everyone thinks in the same way, but being happily married myself I genuinely don't care whether or not men pay me attention or find me desirable. That's why I asked. Doesn't look as though the OP is coming back though so I won't find out.

I think women not blessed with good looks (and I include myself) find the ageing process much easier. I’ve always been invisible to men - DH was the only exception (and it was in spite of, not because of, my appearance iykwim).

It’s easy to say “why do you need male attention?” if it’s something that you have had the luxury to take or leave. Nights out with girlfriends in my 20’s often meant me either ending the night sitting by myself - often being studiously ignored by the last remaining single bloke - or sneaking off home alone. I have never been chatted up. Now that I am in my 40’s, everyone else is in the same boat, and I feel much less like an undateable freak.

Very good! 👏

I’m 40, separated, and invisible. No sympathy from me OP when you get to cuddle up with your lovely attentive husband!

Invisible how? To whom?

To everyone! I used to be very slim and attractive and therefore popular.
Nowadays School mums have no interest in me, Mums at my kids clubs no interest, my ex husband couldn’t give a fuck about me. family and friends all comfortable in thier couples/families so barely see me.
I’ve joined dating sites and barely get a single ‘like’… it’s fucking miserable

This seems odd. I have plenty of people talk to me, have made many friends in my 50s in a new town, have a great social life. I do have quite social hobbies but it absolutely isn’t in my experience that people stop seeing you if you are older/less slim.

Same for me, I feel more visible in every way as I get older. Part of the community more than ever, truly part of the adult world where people talk to you.
and don’t assume the male attention stops! It’s worse than ever for me in my mid 40s and my mum was still getting propositioned in her 70s. Men will always make women feel like a piece of meat. The only time it’s been less was when I was fat but even then they are there. Just fuck off! (I’m a lesbian now can you tell 🤣)

I’m averagely attractive, I think, and I feel like I’ve been as good as invisible to men on the street, with a few exceptions, since my late 20s. You must be really gorgeous and/or dress up a lot if you were getting attention into your 40s.

I don't feel old, undesirable or invisible at 61, I'm happy to be in the background, I've always hated attention, stems from way back. still get the odd flirty guy that knows I'm married. I just ignore the behaviour, make out I'm too thick to even notice they're creepy

I'm 48. Can't say I've noticed a change tbh. I'm from a place where any random person will happily yak on with any other random person though. Male, female, young, old, doesn't matter.