Invisible at 60.

[canyouseemyhousefromhere]

Not sure if this is the right place but here goes….
As a 60+ woman I find it sad to think of myself as invisible. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and later I would have lots of attention from men. I am happily married to a lovely attentive man but when I’m out on my own I am completely invisible. Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?

I couldn't give a fuck about being fancied, i just wanna get served at the bar

I bloody love this! Every woman of every age should read it.

I actually find it a relief that random men don't pester me much any more, although on occasion they still do.

What does irritate me is that I often can't get service in a shop or restaurant without asserting myself. Both men and women who are younger than me push past me. It's as if I'm a piece of furniture and have no agency.

I’m fully on board, really I am.

”Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?”

But I quote the OP here who says she is “undesirable” because she doesn’t get male attention any more.

This is a female perception issue, not a male attention issue.

Older women are not invisible to slightly older or even younger men.
I've known many women who 'found' new men in older age and 60 is a chicken really. It's the new 40 didn't you know?
Have you let yourself go ? (Half joking)

I am 53, but just today the Tesco delivery guy chatted with me about the weather, my delivery, the flowers at my front door.
I am happy with chat like that.

I dont need to be noticed sexually.

Why does being ‘visible’ mean attention from men?! I’ve never felt invisible at any age, and at 62 I don’t need validation from men, or anyone. Happy in my own perfectly visible skin.

this. I have never felt visible or invisible. I am just me.

All this talk of invisibility perpetuates a self fulfilling prophesy that empowers men even more, 🤔.

Interesting. I haven't ever felt the need to be validated by men but that's because perhaps I think most of them are tossers. I'm sure they aren't, sweeping generalisation, but when I see the things that some men do, particularly those in positions of great power I shudder.

I don't think that men are 'tossers' but I also don't understand why women live their life in thrall to the male gaze. Those women often also then blame men for their own insecurities. A prime example is diet culture: I have heard far more snide comments about women gaining weight/not looking like Kate Moss than women than from men. Men are far less particular about women's looks than women themselves are.

I became invisible a lot younger than 60, and at first I found it really hard because I'd been very good looking when I was younger and I'd attracted a lot of attention. I obviously aged like milk! However, once the initial upset wore off, I realise I am probably more respected by men now. It's actually nicer.

I guess it's easier for those of us who were only average looking.

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

@HangryLikeTheHulk Just be charming to everyone you meet ?

Why the frowny face? That poster had an excellent point.

I had lots of attention in my younger years. Now it's gone, so what. That's how it is and I don't give a damn!

I'm not sure that poster had an excellent point. I thought it was a very simplistic way of looking at things.

I feel invisible too now I'm in my fifties but I love it. I hated being constantly harassed by men when i was younger. It's a relief to me now.

When I say invisible, I mean to men.

How so? I could actually understand it if the OP was single and looking, but if she is secure and happy in her relationship, then she shouldn't be upset by not being attractive to random men. Of course, it is possible that she isn't all that happy in it. It's something she should ask herself. I can't help thinking how much happier I am now, in my early forties, than I was when I was in my early twenties. I am not 'invisible' now, but I'm not concerned with dating as I am happily married and couldn't care less what some random bloke thinks. If anything, it is annoying if someone tries to chat me up.

Because becoming invisible isn't just about wanting to attract men. It's about other losses, the end of an era in life, less power in a society that still values youth over wisdom and experience, being overlooked at work, even being overlooked by younger women at work or in social settings as a previous poster mentioned.

I think ageism in the workplace needs a separate thread but OP is not talking about that.

She didn't specifically mention that, but I think the sadness around becoming invisible is probably more complicated that simply not being noticed by men anymore. Anyway, I will let the OP step in with whatever she has to say as I don't want to put words into her mouth.

I have no idea what this ‘invisibile’ thing means. People talk to me - even the male ones. Even young male ones. I manage to get served in shops. I can make friends. I perform music and nobody seems confused as to where the sound is coming from.
What isn’t happening for you all?