Invisible at 60.

[canyouseemyhousefromhere]

Not sure if this is the right place but here goes….
As a 60+ woman I find it sad to think of myself as invisible. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and later I would have lots of attention from men. I am happily married to a lovely attentive man but when I’m out on my own I am completely invisible. Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?

I'm invisible at 43 and to be honest it's lovely. No more comments, no more groping, no more staring at my boobs.

I know I need to lose weight for my health, but from past experience the comments start again when I get below a size 16 and I can't be fucked with it. Hopefully I'm old enough now that I'll stay invisible.

No, it's weird when you've had men flirting with you all your life and then it stops and you become invisible. I had chemo a couple of years ago and lost all my hair, all of a sudden my powers had gone. No men tripping over themselves to help me, no one chatting me up at the gym or in shops.

Now my hair's grown back and dyed blonde again - as if by magic I'm sexy again. Sad but true 🙄

Why does it matter?

But also, no-one is ‘invisible’ (a ridiculous term I only ever see used on MN). My mum was asked out by lots of men after my dad died.

You’re married, so men aren’t likely to hit on you.

You don’t need to be crawling anywhere.
I understand the invisibility thing;
But I bet you’ve got charisma, character, and a lot of other positive qualities, and you are very lucky that you have a decent man.
If you look on here, so many poor women have complete arseholes to deal with on a daily basis. And there’s a lot of them about.

TBH we’ve had our turn, and it’s rather freeing. I dress reasonably well, wear modest jewellery when out and about, a little makeup, but it’s for myself. I don’t need to turn heads and I don’t need approval from ANYONE at all….that’s freedom.

It’s so desperate.

Don't judge your worth by the attention you get from men

Don't judge your worth by the attention you get from men

Totally agree. It’s a weird feeling. I wasn’t expecting it. Difference for me, happened at 45

I mean you don’t have to crawl anywhere. I think the issue is that you define yourself as ‘old and undesirable’ just because you no longer get ‘attention from men’ which is a sentiment incongruous with the earlier statement of being happily married and to an attentive man at that!

You’re only as old as you feel and you are desirable as you have a loving husband - surely the only man that counts!

I agree it’s concerning to hear that women are still seeking validation from random men.

I absolutely love being invisible, although I do still get chatted up, especially in London for some strange reason!! I need to perfect my resting bitch face as I would be happy not to be approached/evaluated/ by a man ever again.

46 here and still have men tripping over me (joke!!), it's not sad or desperate to enjoy attention, particularly if you are used to the social game. Similar to banter, you are just used to it, it's not some personal failing to enjoy it or miss it. Anyone labelling someone as desperate is a poo faced mysogynist!

Being a sexy woman is a powerful tool in life, sorry but it's true.

Mid 40s, single and I'd say totally invisible but am ok with it currently.

I love being invisible. Glad to have men ignore me.

Youre not unreasonable at all. Its crazy how people treat you when youre young and attractive. You constantly feel eyes and heads are turning. So it is strange, unsettling and hard to adjust to when people blankly walk past you. People aren't smiling and extra helpful. Or they stare right through you to ogle the 19 year old behind you.

I read somewhere that its warped behaviour the way people treat young and beautiful women and actually that peace and invisibility that happens as you get older is how it should be.

Its not even about wanting other men to look at you, or being unhappy with your marriage, its accepting how the world sees you differently now, dealing with feeling less seen and valued and letting go of your youth.
Its hard.

I am 57 and I love it. I want to be left alone in public with it being my choice if I wish to interact with someone. Dont get me wrong, I am friendly to all but I love being able to glide along unnoticed and unbothered.

I'm more concerned at my age, 60, at being invisible and have been for several years in a professional work environment. That bothers me a lot. Ageism is dreadful. Attention from men - not worried about that at all in a relationship or friendship sphere , but it still impacts in the workplace and that remains concerning.

No, don't do that!

Embrace life and enjoy the noisy and colourful liberation of being invisible.

Get your colours done professionally. Seriously, totally changed it for me when I turned 40 and felt invisible.

Why would you want to receive attention if you’ve been happily married?

I'm 65 and absolutely loved the invisibility

@pinkglitter12

It is always a choice. It is perfectly possible to be young and beautiful but still not get attention if that is what you choose.

I the only bit about invisibility I don’t like is when men literally walk into me because they don’t seem to see I’m there at all. I loathed being ‘found attractive’ and still hate it when it happens. I find it insulting rather than flattering when men chat me up. I still get harassed occasionally in the street - what on earth is flattering about some random bloke giving you a compliment? It’s creep behaviour

I’m 66 and never felt invisible. Maybe you feel inferior because you don’t like being old and it messes with your head. Just be open and friendly (where appropriate!) and people will talk to you

Take advantage and start shop lifting, or as my Mother called it, using her five fingered discount. It started because she was completely ignored in shops. Either way, most security guards/police are male, so problem solved. Excitement and attention all in one.

Yes i agree with this.
I'm actually in my 70s and retired but when I was working in my 60s in an environment where I was much older than the rest of the staff the ageism was dreadful.
Also when dealing with workmen it's bad enough having them take you seriously as a women but as an older women it's a nightmare.
I can't understand all this nonsense about " male attention". It's like being carried back to the 1950s.