Invisible at 60.

[canyouseemyhousefromhere]

Not sure if this is the right place but here goes….
As a 60+ woman I find it sad to think of myself as invisible. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and later I would have lots of attention from men. I am happily married to a lovely attentive man but when I’m out on my own I am completely invisible. Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?

I am 60 and invisible too and it's fan-fucking-tastic. Happily my invisibility coincides with the scales falling from my eyes and the realisation that most men are utter shitbags.

I know the feeling. And it isn't attention from men I miss, its being taken seriously as a person with a brain. Its like w woman turns 60 and we become inconsequential.

How? It's impossible to feel at peace with perverts harassing you all the time.

Pregnancy has a similar effect. I remember a guy in a van stopping at the lights just behind where i was walking on the path, he leant out the window to make a lewd comment at me, so I turned around revealing a huge 8 month pregnant stomach (I tend to carry all up front in a huge protrusion, and still somehow have a waist from behind). He was so shocked he actually apologised 🤣 pregnancy is not sexy.

I'm 47 now, and I still get the odd second look, it tends to be guys in the 55-65 bracket though. The thing I find a bit sad is that I can't comfortably flirt anymore, it feels a bit wrong like I might come across as a desperate cougar (yuck), so I've curtailed that. It's all a bit depressing.

I'm glad to hear you've got passed the chemo, I hope your health is returning with your hair.

Some people are helpfully saying that but others have been quite insulting I think, about @canyouseemyhousefromhere's perceived need for validation. It seems some pp are so busy being smug that they don't have the same need that they can't wait to have a dig and run down another woman for her dependence on the male gaze.

Personally I get it. We're taught from a very early age that it's important that we look good and are attractive to the opposite sex, and at times in our lives that is important, when looking for a partner. Being told you are good looking by men or women feels good. It's also a reality that being attractive comes with benefits in the workplace, for example. People treat you differently. It's also surprising to me how quickly I have gone from being 19 with my life ahead of me to middle aged and although I don't feel invisible yet it's probably right around the corner and I don't relish it. So if you're still reading OP, you're not the only one.

Except when I was younger (14-24) I have done everything to be invisible ; no heels, not showing cleavage or too much legs, practical , functional but not sexy clothes. No make up because I can't be arsed. And a lot of confidence so unwanted sollicitors feel intimidated.

I'm 51 and not yet invisible. Maybe it'll come at 60. I don't know how I'll feel about it but I largely suspect I'll be happy that men who choose to spend time in my company are doing so because they actually like me and my company and not because they're hoping to get into my knickers at some point!

But it's a very long time since I've cared whether random men find me attractive or not tbh.

Not my experience. Never been harassed, ogled, chatted up - was always spoken to like a human being, not an object. Hasn't changed.

I never feel invisible, except in Apple shops.

Heading for 70, and I'm at the top of my game in my job, people seek my advice (some even pay for it!) and I have a lovely circle of friends.

Apple shops are my bête noir though. They are a necessary evil - I am always ignored in them, which is ironic as I usually go in to spend a lot of dosh on kit, but am overlooked in favour of boys toying with phones they can't afford.

So I started lifting stuff up and basically aiming - while pretending to be clueless - to set off their alarms. I also give them feedback about their ageism when they serve me. I ask why I was ignored for 10 minutes.

I have got happier as I've got older. But my secret is that I have a job which is hugely rewarding and I've never judged my self-worth by my attractiveness to men. They can go jump - men my age are mostly useless. Well, most men of any age are pretty useless. So pleased to be single.

There have been a few smug comments, but the majority have not been IMO.
I do understand the feeling. It requires making an adjustment in your expectations and learning to appreciate the benefits of it. OP will probably get there in time.

Lucky you.

What kind of men do you want to pay attention to you? And what kind of men?

This with fucking bells on.

How nice of him to apologise 😂

Yes the whole hair loss thing opened my eyes, at the time I didn't want anyone near me due to the immunocompromising issue. I remember going to a pub quiz at the time, I was wearing a blonde wig and looked like Debbie Harry. One of the guys in the team was all over me, gave me his number etc. I eventually went full on Samantha in SATC and tore the wig off - the next time he didn't recognise me with my skinhead 🙄

Same here.

I am in my 50's and literally couldn't give a fuck if men find me attractive, I have no need for them in any capacity.

What I would say is when I am driving around town, the women who stand out in a good way are women over 50, they wear clothes with a style and flair that I am deeply envious of, having neither

Why are you bothered by what other men think? How would you feel if your husband was annoyed because he 'felt invisible'? Also, frankly, what did you expect? How many people in their sixties are genuinely attractive in the way young people are? Not many, I'd wager. You need to work on your self esteem and stop thinking of yourself in terms of sexual capital, which has an expiry date (especially for women, but that's life)

Why do you want to be judged solely on your looks?

Hitting 60 here. Very happy to be ignored the majority of the time. If I make an effort I get attention.

Help me to understand.

Younger women are upset by the attention they get from men.

Older women are complaining they get
no attention and are invisible.

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

Have you tried wearing one of those thong bikinis that would the younger girls are doing for attention.

I guess not wearing a sock on your penis and claiming autism like Gregg Wallace.
Also, nearly every older woman on this thread has said they are fine with no attention.

It's simple isn't women want attention from the right men not any men.

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

Silly question, @HangryLikeTheHulk. Simple answer: treat women like fully human beings.

I think one of the great joys of being older is not getting attention from men! I'm 53 and love being invisible 😊 I can go out with friends and enjoy myself without being hassled by annoying men!

I am 42 and I am glad that I am not as visible as I was in my early twenties. I still take pleasure and pride in my appearance (more so than I did when I was younger and probably objectively prettier, or at least more sexually desirable) but I don't live for the male gaze.