Encounter in the woods with a man...was I being silly?

[Woodwalk]

I walk in a local woods daily. Today I parked in the small car park where there were around 4 cars already. Changed into my boots, tied up my hair, no one else arrived in this time. Then I set off down a trail which begins running alongside the main road to the right, to the left is an inaccessible woodland - too dense to walk through. You can only enter the trail from the car park (at that end).

I had only been walking for around a minute or two when I got the sensation I was being watched/followed. This is strange as I would only have expected to meet someone head on on the path - given that there's one entrance and I saw no one else arrive at the car park within a minute of myself.

Anyway I turned round a few times and finally spotted a man behind me, slightly off the trail nearer to the side where the road is (trees are between the main road and me). I immediately did feel uncomfortable as I wasn't sure where he had come from, and debated stopping so that he could move ahead of me. I decided against this as didn't want to make a big thing of it.

Instead I kept going and took a turn off into a large shaded area, a clearing where I could see the original trail and find a little tree trunk to sit on (and look normal!) as he passed.

Instead of passing the man followed me into the clearing. I had walked quite far into the clearing to find a tree that gave a lot of space around me. He made a beeline for me straight towards me. I felt scared, and then he met my eyes and asked how my day was going. I immediately went into flight mode jumped up blurted out something about not wanting to be followed on my walk and started to run back to the car park (around 6 mins running). He shouted after me to come back, he didn't mean to scare me, he hadn't been following me, he was lost, he was sorry, come back please.

I just ran all the way back to the car and left.

I'm a woman in early 30s the gent was late fifties I think, and very overweight, if he tried to follow me back I couldn't tell, but don't think he could have matched my pace. He didn't have a dog, but then, neither do I.

Now I'm wondering, was he innocently lost and wanted a chat? Was I being silly to run away? It doesn't really matter now as I'm obviously safe and fine but the woods is my favourite place to go and I feel really put off returning now. Need a reality check as feel a bit silly now but in the moment I was scared.

Trust your gut instinct. It will never let you down. You did the right thing.

Having personal experience of being followed, I know what it's like. It's frightening in secluded areas. You never think the same way ever again.

We don’t owe random men politeness, you were not rude

I always think a decent bloke with an understanding of women’s safety wouldn’t be pissed off if a woman wanted to walk away from a situation like this, even if he had no ill intent. I would also say it’s better to annoy someone nice than to try and pander to someone’s ego and then they turn out to be someone not nice. Don’t mess around where your safety is concerned!

Even if he had no bad intentions he would have to be spectacularly stupid/ have no self awareness to not realise that approaching a lone woman in that way in such a secluded spot would be alarming and scary. There's no way any right minded person thinks that's ok.

I'd say you've potentially saved yourself from something quite nasty there op. Always trust your gut.

This brings back horrible memories of a similar experience I had many years ago on a riverside walk, which unfortunately led to an attack on me. Since then I would not contemplate walking alone in woods or anywhere there are few other people around. It enrages me how women are denied the chance to walk whereever they want while men can wander around without a care in the world.

Never put politeness over your own safety. He was following you. You 100% did the right thing. Always trust your gut.

I've had a very similar situation, some years ago OP. I ended up "escaping" by climbing a fence into a field with my dog, and getting severe nettle rash for my efforts. My heart was pounding. It put me right off my favourite local walk in the wood. Probably unnecessary, but I had a strong history of attracting pervs and weirdos. YWNBU - always trust your gut. Your safety is more important than being polite.
I'm older now, so feel less of a target, and do venture that way again, but I really wouldn't encourage other women to do lone dog walks in the woods.

I apologise for not reading everyone’s posts but the OPs, but I feel so strongly about this.

Please check out the book, The Gift Of Fear.

I read it in the 90s as a teen and I am sure it’s helped keep me safe as an adult.

I'm glad you ran away, fuck being polite when you feel scared/wary. You did the right thing!

Society trains girls to be polite and kind but the predators know that and use it against you, don't ever feel you need to risk your safety to make someone else happier. I'm just glad you were younger and fitter than him Op, you did exactly the right thing by refusing to engage

I also listen to the Fuck Politeness podcast (waves at Murderino types) and it is 100 percent a really important lesson to teach women and girls.

Without question women have lost their lives through not wanting to appear 'rude'. Fuck that.

You don't have to pretend you are okay with being followed in case they are innocent
You don't have to open your car window to speak to someone who is trying to get your attention
You don't have to stop/talk/stay longer/not cross the road/chit chat/offer help/agree to anything if you don't feel comfortable.

Predatory men have preyed on this societal weakness for decades.

I think you probably overreacted.

Why would you be expecting him to approach you head on, especially as there was no one else in the carpark.
If there was one entrance, then he would have had to walk in the same direction as you were.

However, I would rather overreact and stay safe.

We have a gut feeling for a reason and often our gut feeling happens too late for us to do anything about it.

You felt unsafe and so did what you needed to do to feel safe again.
You should never feel guilty for that.

I wouldn’t go walking on my own in the woods. I would love to but I will only go with another adult.
100% did the right thing! I would consider reporting it with a description of the man in case anyone else has had an encounter with him.

If he was actually lost, he would have called out to you the second he saw another person.

walking in isolated wooded areas along is sadly riskier than walking in some other situations. It would be great if it wasn’t, but it doesn’t change the fact that it provides cover for assailants.

You don’t need to stop walking. You did the right thing by trusting your instincts. Being polite can get women into serious trouble. If you feel like you should flee, then run.

Yeah, speaking as a man I'm always aware when women are uncomfortable with my presence (quickening step, swapping sides) and I take very clear action (but not words) to make it clear I'm going somewhere else and not following them. (Turn off, slow down, swap sides myself. Just stop for 30 seconds.)

Shouting "come back" is off the scale mental.

I'm sure he wasn't going to hurt anyone but he was very rude to cause alarm.

How did she overreact? She felt unsafe so got herself out of there, which was absolutely the right thing to do. What else would you suggest?

pepper spray is illegal in the Uk. If its a remote spot, who is going to hear a personal alarm?

Pepper spray is illegal, but some runners and/or walkers like to carry a can of deep heat, in case of any muscle pain developing whilst out

<waves at @Piknik , fellow Murderino> You can get Fuck Politeness on a t shirt I think we should have a more acceptable phrase for the children though, no to politeness maybe.

The fuck politeness I quoted is from the podcast I listen to which is called My Favourite Murder. Two feisty and very funny American women discuss, well it used to be just murders every episode and then a shorter minisode which is my hometown murder where listeners would write in with their hometown stories. Now it is morphed wider than that, it includes survival stories, kick ass Grandma stories etc. But it always ends with Stay Sexy And Don't Get Murdered. or SSDGM.

It raises awareness of how murders happen and encouraging you to trust your gut, fuck politeness and get out of there. Social media is doing a good job of filming inappropriate behaviour by men, putting it out there with their faces on and then people knowing who they are. Plus it helps the police find them if needed.

I'm sorry this happened to you and did the right thing. Any decent man would have gone out of their way to make it clear he wasn't up to no good. Sad as it is I think find somewhere safer to walk.

I was actually stopped by a man in the woods asking for directions - I just bolted the other way. I was also stopped in a deserted cemetary putting flowers on my parents grave and asked for the time. These creeps know exactly what they are doing. I does make you wonder (given you thought you may have been behaving silly) how many woman have been attacked through not wanting to appear unfriendly. Always err on the side of caution.

In my experience, someone you don’t know who asks how you are or how your day is going is definitely after something. Similar I can always recognise a cold call by a complete stranger asking me how I am. I would only ever ask a stranger how they were if I had just witnessed them fall over or something similar.

So there’s only one path, but can you get out the other end? If so I’d’ve kept going/running rather than sitting in the clearing waiting for him to pass. Just don’t go in the woods alone!

If he was lost he would’ve called out to you and asked you for directions surely? I think I’d have done the same.

How are you "sure he wasn't going to hurt anyone?"