I interrupt MIL selfish monologues with yes I know, you told me this before.

[TheRubyPoet]

MIL always interrupts every conversation into how it relates to her without letting anyone else finish. My son's graduation dinner yesterday turned into what she studied at school, how she was the oldest in her graduation year. I replied yes, you told me this before and she kept talking. So I said it louder, you told me this before.
She got visibly upset but kept talking.

After 22 years of her I have had enough of her boring monologues and inability to let someone else have a moment. When I was sick when I was pregnant she kept talking about how healthy she was and how long she breastfed for blabla.
Everything i say results in her relating it to her.
Plus hours of nonsense about train times, shop opening times, What's in Sainsbury's.
My husband is quiet and unbothered by her blathering, so she gets away with steamrolling us.
AIBU if I interrupt her and say you told me this before.

My mum did this sometimes, I'd just tell her TMI.

Haha, yeah I used to think she was awful, but we're in a good place now. She was definitely an absolute narcissist. I forget sometimes how bad she was and I might recount a story to a friend casually and their jaw is on the floor like wtf, how are you normal?!? 😆 I had two terrible parents, so raised myself mainly, with a lot of mistakes along the way but at least I'm nothing like either of them now! As I say, I love my Mum for who she is now though, once you stop needing a narcissistic parent it's miraculous how much they can change, and how little you care when they act badly! She's doing the best she can as a human with the tools she's got, so can't ask for more than that really 🤷🏻‍♀️

What grounds do you have for saying that the OP is as bad as her MIL? MIL sounds absolutely infuriating, I have no time for people who steamroller over others.

It's called sharing similar experiences. There is also the possibility other people in the company haven't heard the story, or she has forgotten she's already mentioned it. Older people like to remind themselves of their youth & sharing it with others no matter how often helps them to empathise & re-live their experiences. I wonder in this instance if it wasn't this it would be something else she does that could be blamed for causing irritation & disharmony. If someone said to me in company 'we've heard this before' I'd feel the person wanted to bully me & deliberately upset me & for no reason so imo yabu

That needed a laugh emoji 🤣

Sounds like you did a brilliant job overcoming the challenges you faced. You sound like a lovely person.

No, this isn't the kind of behaviour the OP is talking about and it's disingenuous to interchange individuals who are elderly and may be rambling withthose who deliberately dominate conversations with their narcissistic monologues. Two very different situations.

OH has a tendency to talk 'at' people and in long monologues, often things that he's said on previous occasions. When I can see people zoning out, I quickly try and ask them a question to bring them back into a conversation. He'll sometimes reward me with a dirty look! He prides himself on being socially very adept which is funny but I do suspect he's ND (based on a load of other things). If I'm trying to tell him something difficult or worrying, he'll keep trying to turn the conversation back to him and his experiences. I don't think it's meant nastily but can feel a bit hurtful and dismissive.
I don't think it's rude to intervene in these situations, your guests or family will probably be relieved.

I have a great relationship with my son's GF because I ask her questions, listen, remember what's important to her and never throw shade.
Bad relations with MILs are usually because they try to dominate the DIL and don't realise their behaviour has consequences - they see their sons less.

The key word here is sharing. What OP describes is not sharing, that implies a reciprocal situation. It's not conversation either, because that too requires give and take. Unless you've had a family member who is similar, it's difficult to imagine the way this takes over gatherings.

In comparison, if I was at dinner with a group and was mid flow and someone said to me, Gold, we've all heard this one before! I wouldn't feel bullied, or upset in the slightest. I'd feel more perturbed if I thought there were people sitting around me silently enduring me yabbering on about the same thing and not saying anything.

It is sharing experiences and I expect older people do forget they have told the story before.

it is very difficult when they tell the same stories every day though. It’s hard to fake interest when you’ve heard it every day for the past year.

I used to cope with my dire father in law by letting his words wash over me, like waves on a beach. I also used to remember that we’d be going home soon, and time was continually passing as he was yabbering on and the time for us to leave was getting closer all the time. Quite meditative really.

So out pops the narc word. There are people who sit tight lipped throughout a whole evening & there are people who could talk the hind legs of a donkey despite repeatedly sharing their stories. It depends whether you can cope with them & interrupt etc without being rude & bullying them. I know plenty of people who are like OPs mil & generally I find them good company rather than sit next to someone who never shares stories.

I find this type of behaviour very demanding and very draining. I usually find a way to interrupt and don’t make myself available for it.

We stopped inviting our in-laws to celebrations and instead do separate side time limited celebration just so our main celebration was ruined by their behaviour, could you try something like that? That way the ficus is on them for the side celebration because the person has already been celebrated properly.

Yes I bet the son is really cheesed off, instead of one woman dominating his event he's got two of them.

Interesting! Perhaps if more DILs did similar with their MIL as you do with your sons GF they woud have a better relationship. That is obviously if the relationship is strained.

There is a parent at a group I attend who does this. At a recent picnic I noticed that hardly anyone spoke to him. Everyone has learnt if you give him any engagement he will then monologue at you non stop. I have got to the stage where I don’t care if he thinks I am rude or not I avoid talking to him and will do my best to avoid him!

Well she wasn't just talking to you was she, maybe other people hadn't heard it before.

I wonder if she thinks you're really nosey with all your questions? She might not see it the same as you.

I know the feeling of that ! My husband watches the news first thing in the morning
from 6am - 8 am then as soon as he realises I'm awake will come in and tell me every story , every minute detail .
I'm hardly awake or obviously showing no sign of being interested but he will continue !
( Members of his family have been diagnosed as autistic , but when I mention him getting a diagnosis he will say it's only a label and he doesn't want that )

One of the many reasons that no GPs were invited to my DC's graduation ceremony yesterday.
Where we must have been quaffing champagne according to a posters perception on another thread 🙄

Yup. The way to have a better relationship with everyone in your family is to resist the urge to humiliate them in public. The way to improve the relationship is to show an interest, ask questions, validate them. Model kindness and engagement.

And out comes the bullying word 😂😂

If that's your experience of bullying you've led a pretty charmed life.

This is brilliant. You were so right to say that. People going on about themselves all the time need a little reminder of Dale Carnegie's tips: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

I could have written this exact post about my mil! Whatever someone has done, she's done it twice as well...even her grandchildren! She can never just say well done. It really annoys me!