I interrupt MIL selfish monologues with yes I know, you told me this before.

[TheRubyPoet]

MIL always interrupts every conversation into how it relates to her without letting anyone else finish. My son's graduation dinner yesterday turned into what she studied at school, how she was the oldest in her graduation year. I replied yes, you told me this before and she kept talking. So I said it louder, you told me this before.
She got visibly upset but kept talking.

After 22 years of her I have had enough of her boring monologues and inability to let someone else have a moment. When I was sick when I was pregnant she kept talking about how healthy she was and how long she breastfed for blabla.
Everything i say results in her relating it to her.
Plus hours of nonsense about train times, shop opening times, What's in Sainsbury's.
My husband is quiet and unbothered by her blathering, so she gets away with steamrolling us.
AIBU if I interrupt her and say you told me this before.

My mum is like this, I've recently had a surprise diagnosis of quite a serious medical condition and when I called to tell her all she could do was tell me about how it isnt as bad as her long past bout of illness she experienced when she was 20.

Any achievement the kids have she has always done it better. My son has excelled at swimming but she's always swam further. If we've gone walking, she's walked further.....you get the picture.

DH calls her 2 shits, because if we've had 1 shit she has had 2. Uncouth I know but it does make me laugh.

Funnily enough his Dad is the same (my FIL) but not my MIL and not my dad.

My dad is more a Debbie downer so "hi dad, guess what, we've booked a holiday to ...insert.place name here"

Dad "oh, you dont want to go there. I went there in 1997 and it was awful. Bloody insects bit me to shreds and the food was shit and it's too hot and the locals are awful"

If he's grown up with this he will find it easy to block her!

It's quite common for older people to do this. It's partly that our lives become smaller as we get older, and we lose social clout. The reliving of the past becomes a bigger part of our conversation. The narcissism you identify in your MIL's speech may well also be a response to this feeling of being marginalised.

But well done OP - you have humiliated your MIL and probably made her feel small and stupid.

Mumsnet is the best possible place to come to be validated for doing this sort of thing.

Your DP tolerates her because he loves her. You obviously don't even like her. Maybe you even take active pleasure in hurting her feelings and humiliating her.

My mum did this - combination of poor hearing, a desperate need to connect, a very restricted life that meant she struggled to connect with other people’s experiences (literally didn’t understand what they were talking about), cognitive impairment from a brain injury, and ongoing cognitive decline

My MIL does this due to poor hearing and a complete indifference to anything else going on. She will spend hours talking about how she laid out the bathroom in her house 50 years ago, or the ailments and life challenges of her acquaintances. It drives me up the wall

I use phrases like:

‘Are you sure x would be happy with you sharing that with strangers?’

’I don’t like gossip. Have you seen this in the news?’

‘Please wait. X was speaking’

My autistic son just tells her that he doesn’t need to know that and walks off

Don’t lose moral high ground by being rude.

I would say ‘ah, but we’re talking about Ds today’
‘oh yes, is that when you were the oldest in your year? Yes I remember you telling us this, Ds, how many people were older in your year? Can you tell who is older and younger amongst your friends now?’
’very interesting , but Ds how has YOUR educational Journey been?’

My mother is increasingly like this, I can spend an hour on the phone to her and barely get a word in edgeways while she talks at me rather than to me, and then she says she never knows what's going on in my life!! On more than one ocassion I've had to stop her with "what is actually the point of this story or telling me all this detail?"

That's really kind, thanks for sharing!

These balancing acts can be so difficult.

I work with someone like this so I know how infuriating it is. People just let her carry on. She asks someone about something and then immediately goes off on a tangent about her.

I don't have to work with her often and don't particularly like her so don't care if she thinks I am rude. I now either say to her "yes, you have told us before" or "yes, but you asked x about her holiday so this is about her, not you". If she asks me a direct question (which she rarely does now) like how is my dog - if I answer and she starts blathering on about her dogs I just walk away. She has commented to me how rude I am to walk away from her when she is talking but my response is always "you asked me about my dog (etc), you wont let me tell you so you obviously arent interested so I assumed the conversation was over".

Obviously its easier for me to be rude to my work colleague than it is to you to your MIL. Maybe you just need to tell her sorry, I thought we were talking about X not you.

I have a step mother who does this. After 30 + years of this nonsense I've just got to the point where I'm done being polite. She literally dominates every conversation and my dad just sits there like a dormouse.

She talks incessantly, monologuing about how amazing her 40 year old DD is, all her achievements and her idyllic childhood (my Step sister is a functioning alcoholic, who is on anti depressants with a string of failed relationships behind her and lives in her partners house who refuses to marry her. She failed at school and has worked a string of minimum wage jobs, with her mother constantly bailing her out. She was the result of an affair her mother had with a married man, who refused to have anything to do with her - for context). I actually like my step sister but she's had a bit of a shit life in reality, directly as a result of her mother's choices. I've always thought she got a raw deal in life and felt hugely sorry for. Her mother just goes on and on and it's not even close to the truth.

She also monologues about her own childhood, her academic achievements (none) and about Christianity and starts quoting the bible at you. She's homophobic and deeply judgemental about all other religions. She literally thinks only her religion will survive judgement day.

Anyway I've gone LC with her because I just don't know what's going to come out of her mouth in front of my kids and after 30 years I'm just sick of it.

I don't care if I'm rude. I've called her out on her behaviour, she's sulked and then nothing changed.

I think the more you put up with it the worse it gets. I've told my DH to take me out and shoot me if it get like this!!

You have to be dominant and change the conversation to something else politely or as PP said get up and make a cup of tea or go to the bathroom etc. Elderly people can't help it sometimes - it's not that difficult.

After 22 years I would be tired of tuning her out as well. It's better to push back, set boundaries even if it upsets her and at some point she will get the message and shut up.

Tuning out just gives her the license to continue while OP will continue to build resentment inside.

Totally agree with this.

Resentment just builds up and it ends up coming to a head at some point.

Seriously, if you have politely told someone you've heard their story before, that the night is not about them, that someone else was talking and they ignore it and carry on - which is the kind of people we're talking about - what do you suggest? How could this be handled differently?

Again, if you haven't got experience of someone who behaves like this I don't think you can understand just how difficult it can be.

I'm not sure that anyone should be expected to sit around a family meal to celebrate a graduation of a child and stay quite and attentive to one person rambling because, 'they love them". You can love someone AND find their behaviour unnacceptable.

It's entirely possible to love someone, and also not want to spend your social time like this. You're presuming that DH stays quiet out of love, he may well have realised as a small child that his mother had one setting and it was transmit, and staying quiet was the best option and not grown out of it.

It's no suprise that OP seems not to like her. Self absorption is a fairly unlikeable quality. If MIL felt humilated and small and stupid, if she had an ounce of self awareness she might be able to work out why and adjust her behaviour. I doubt this will be the case.

I will agree that there is no point in telling people who behave like this that you've heard the tale before, because they don't give two shits if you have or haven't. They're talking for their own benefit, not to give you new information, they might as well be reading last weeks shipping forecast.

I was watching Modern Family with DD2 and noticed how Claire says things like "Can I just have two minutes to talk about xxxx?" when she can't get a word in or someone interrupts her. Try that.

My parents in law have become like this. They haven't worked out why all their children, their own parents and their regular new best friends have all distanced themselves. Zero self-awareness. They will be very lonely as they grow older.

Yes I wouldn’t have said that a DGP automatically gets an invite to their DGCs graduation dinner, to me it feels like more immediate family only. Unless she is caring and generous in other ways, in which case I would overlook or try to redirect her verbal incontinence.

If she doesn’t have lots of hidden virtues, I would start restricting the number of invites she receives. If she asks why she isn’t invited “Oh we wanted the focus to be entirely on Peter and what he has achieved” . Maybe she will clock on when her social calendar thins out. If she asks again, maybe DH could try and phrase it in a kindly fashion “Mum you do tend to monopolise the conversation and we wanted the focus of that evening to be all about Peter.”
Its unlikely to make much difference. Perhaps you could randomly interrupt her when she starts waffling, and give yourself bonus points the less connected your point is.

I have a mother like this, but I've just learnt to deal with it now, I just accept, Mum's going to be Mum! She's got a little better with the years though and I realised later in life that it's all insecurity, she needed to be heard, seen and appreciated because she wasn't for a lot of her life. It was certainly frustrating to say the least growing up, everything had to be about her, all of my achievements had to pale in comparison to her achievements, or she'd claim that if she hadn't have had children she would've achieved more than the thing I just had for example, things like that. As an adult I just love her for who she is and accept her quirks now, I don't need her to be a Mum anymore, just who she is. I have to admit I'd find it harder with a MIL though as at least my own Mum is my own responsibility 😆🫣 I think it was a bold move to confront her, not sure I would've, but I don't think you're necessarily being unreasonable, but maybe a little (possibly unnecessarily?) blunt. Only you know how much it bothers you, sometimes you just have to say what you need to say, and the consequences will be what they may!

OMG did anybody tell her to stop? That's disgusting!

And, ironically, is pretty rude itself!
(Not bothering to read the op properly but still thinking your opinion is valuable enough to input)

I’d suggest something like “Let’s focus on DS now, it is HIS big day today”. Keep steering the conversation away to another topic again and again.

Your mum sounds awful! imagine saying to a child 'if I hadn't had you I would have been more successful than you have ever been!'. That's just cruel.

Narcissistic is a term completely over used on here but to be fair that's exactly how she sounds.

If they didn't care they shouldn't have gone to the meal. Mil needs telling every time.

my df is like this but i think hes a narc so cant help but turn every conversation to what he wants-ive told him time and again yes ive heard this and he just says well im telling you again

they wont change

Had words with dh last week as he butts in when I'm talking with a 'sorry fig,' and still carries on.
I told him he wasn't sorry because he wouldn't do it if he was.

Fortunately one of our friends pulls him up on it too.