I interrupt MIL selfish monologues with yes I know, you told me this before.

[TheRubyPoet]

MIL always interrupts every conversation into how it relates to her without letting anyone else finish. My son's graduation dinner yesterday turned into what she studied at school, how she was the oldest in her graduation year. I replied yes, you told me this before and she kept talking. So I said it louder, you told me this before.
She got visibly upset but kept talking.

After 22 years of her I have had enough of her boring monologues and inability to let someone else have a moment. When I was sick when I was pregnant she kept talking about how healthy she was and how long she breastfed for blabla.
Everything i say results in her relating it to her.
Plus hours of nonsense about train times, shop opening times, What's in Sainsbury's.
My husband is quiet and unbothered by her blathering, so she gets away with steamrolling us.
AIBU if I interrupt her and say you told me this before.

When my mum does this, I’ll usually finish the sentence or say yeah, you said that before. If she carries on, I just ask my daughter a question and start a new conversation. Hugely rude but I’m done pandering to her these days.

MIL still kept talking anyway.

I bet son is probably just as used to it just like his dad is.

My father does this. He's very out of touch with real life so his stories are very boring and we've heard them all before. He doesn't care that nobody is interested and we've heard it all before, he just likes to hear his own voice. He's 82 so this has been going on a long time and we now cope with it by ignoring him and just starting our own coversations while he drones on. Fortunately he doesn't have a very loud voice and because no-one wants to sit next to him he tends to be sat right at the end of any table so this is pretty easy to do. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care and just carries on regardless. Yes, we're probably rude but so is he.

Then they shouldn't have been at a meal to celebrate it, should they?

YABU. Her rambling might be annoying, but it's harmless, and is only when you are with her. You, on the other hand, sound rude, intolerant, and a bully.

My MIL has always been like this but it's getting worse. She's really not interested in anyone else anymore and can only relate things to herself. My littlest finishes primary next week and I'm already bracing myself for the fact that when she comes over we will all hear the same stories again and again as she makes it all about her. My granny got to be the same and also went deaf so she couldn't participate in conversations, only monologues about herself - but I loved her and didn't mind. With MIL, who I also love, it has a more competitive edge - she always wants to cast herself as the best and most important person in a situation.

The only way I've found to deflect the same unbearable stories from coming out again is to ask her other questions - also worked with my granny while she could still hear. I can sometimes deflect her onto something more interesting - usually about family history, and because she doesn't have a prepared story about it, we get something more honest and less full of self-aggrandisement.

I don't know why it's a trait that's intensifying; it's not an age thing - my mum is older and always very keen to hear about everyone else's life! But MIL seems very anxious when the conversation moves to a subject that isn't her.

I don't think saying you've told me this before is the way forward.

I'd focus on letting her know you hadn't stopped talking or telling her someone else has been waiting to speak for a while.

What a rude post.

The MILs who justify this behaviour are out in force.

Yabu to go about it that way and let it come to a head in that manner. Yes, she might be spoiling the night but there's no need to make that the night that you pick to lock horns.

I'd have smoothed over it at every point because its DCs night and not the time or place for letting things get out of hand and spoiling things.

I'd have said stuff like "yes, that was fantastic! I bet that now DC has graduated he has lots of plans. DC, let's hear about [the travelling you have planned/new job] X".

@TheRubyPoet
There are all types of people and you, for instance, appear to be the type of person who feels that everyone, regardless of how they are as a person, should behave according to your “unwritten rules”.
So maybe you believe that at all social gatherings conversation and attention should be allocated in specific ways, according to the reason for the gathering. So if celebrating a birthday, the birthday person should get more attention, idem for a graduation etc.
Not all families do this, and that is perfectly normal too because some people do not want that attention or responsibility to carry the conversation, and others, maybe like your MIL, have this as part of their character, not a conscious decision to override the discussion.
My family would be perfectly ok with letting a member of the family be as they are, and no-one would feel the need to make them feel bed about talking about themselves. If someone wanted to contribute more to the conversation we would expect them to speak up themselves, not try and shut someone else down.
As an aside, we are a ND family, and bringing the conversation back to personal anecdotes is a very common way of communicating within the neurodiverse community.

YANBU to stop her, my DF and a few friends do this. Often a quick "you told me before " moves the conversation on to a previously unheard monologue, which is better than a repeat.
I agree it'd an age thing too. My DM kept everything secret, until she hit her mid 70s and suddenly a whole lifetime of stories is coming out in monologue form.

MIL does this. We were at her place because her sister was visiting (DH's Aunt) and our DD was learning to drive at the time. DD says 'oh I've started driving lessons grandma' so this clearly meant a 5 minute monologue about how long grandma had taken to learn to drive, what car she learnt in, what her driving instructor said, how many tests she did, what the examiner said...yawn...never once asking DD how her experience was...

After a few minutes, DH's Aunt says 'enough about you, how about asking your granddaughter how her driving is going' with a wonderful eyeroll! hehe....i did laugh out loud. MIL still does it though; she just loves the sound of her own voice. 🙄Until DH tells her to stop being so self-absorbed...she never takes offence though.

Mil used to tell us about her toilet habits. I used to hurry off to the loo every time. Grim I tell you. Incessant chat about her poo schedule...

Have you tried bringing the conversation back to a more appropriate topic?

or, when you are just the two of you, talk to her about it. Say you have noticed that she monologues and could she try to be aware of it next time so that other people can talk instead?

My husband (who is generally a lovely man) has a tendency to do this. Any story I (or anyone) tells he interrupts to tell his own barely relevant anecdote. He's autistic and I think it's his way of relating to people. Any chance there could be similar issues with MIL?

I do pull him up on it every time!

YANBU at all, OP. I imagine that those who have not suffered similarly over many many years cannot comprehend how infuriating it is. You were right to interject, it may make MIL think a little - though she won't change - and more importantly, it let your son know that you care about his feelings and want him to feel good on his big day.

Maybe they don't. In which case why would they be at his graduation dinner?

Yes! Groups allow themselves to be hijacked by one selfish person because nobody dares to tesay stop! If someone told my MIL 50 years ago that she needs to learn to stop interrupting because it breeds resentment and ppl will avoid her, maybe she would learn.
I'm fed up that I'm the only one who says yes you told me this before.

I used to work with a colleague who used to just talk about himself . I used to just get bored and pretend I’m doing something and just throw in a couple of yeah , and still he would carry on . He would follow you around still rabbitting on about himself and no one was listening . The more you entertain her it’s only bothering you coz she’s unaware she’s being rude ..

Just say to her on that note let’s get the washing up done , or shall we get you a snack . She’s not listening to you , so why should you give her the courtesy of listening to her .

My dad is getting more and more like this. Constantly interrupts and steamrolls his own boring repetitive topics / narratives. He can barely contain his frustration when someone else is speaking. It’s a bit like dealing with a small child. He is also going deaf and refuses a hearing aid. sigh.

If you can't tell her to STFU to allow your son his moment on his graduation, when can you?

She sounds insufferable.

I take it she's been living alone for quite some time?

My suggested approach...

"Well, in the end I decided to..."

"Did you decide to take chemistry and French?"

"...yes! Which was a problem because..."

"I imagine that the timetable wasn't set up for that combination."

"...that combination, no. But the French..."

"Hopefully the French teacher had taken a shine to you and she tutored you privately..."

"...yes, she did. She tutored me privately. But that meant..."

"Gosh you must have had to give up ballet."

"...yes..."

"Who knows what might have been, had you kept it up?"

"I might have become.."

"...a prima ballerina! Imagine! Anyway, back to Josh's graduation..."

Or perhaps she’s had enough of being a sounding board to someone who is being rude herself ?

This post definitely brings out the people pleasers 😂 or maybe the ones who just talk about themselves …

Oh fuck. You're my SIL. One of us has to name change!

I know neurodiverse people sometimes do this. My DC is in the system for screening and this is one of his traits - he will talk at you and at you if there's a topic he's passionately interested in (and he's interested in a lot). I've had Star Wars dinged in my ears like an ever-persistent bell for the past month - and before that it was science, tech and Tales of Ladybug ...

I'm doing as you do, trying to guide him to an understanding that conversations are two-way and when someone asks how his day was, he asks politely in return. It's hard, as I don't like to curb his enthusiasm, but as he was growing up this became our 'normal' and we're setting him up for future problems if we don't try gently to curb it.

OP's MiL is doing something a bit different in bringing every conversation around to herself. We've all met people who do this, along with the 'if you've been to the moon, I've been there twice' kind of person. It's very difficult to be around and in the end it's almost inevitable that people will avoid them.

I have students who do this. On occasion I have to leave one conversation-dominator in mid-flow so others can contribute. I have a duty to everyone, and he isn't the only neurodiverse student in that group. OP, I think you're right to try and nip it in the bud, and whilst your methods might seem a bit brutal it is hard to put up with this year after year after year. It will end up pushing you away - which I'm sure would be an even less desirable outcome for her.