I interrupt MIL selfish monologues with yes I know, you told me this before.

[TheRubyPoet]

MIL always interrupts every conversation into how it relates to her without letting anyone else finish. My son's graduation dinner yesterday turned into what she studied at school, how she was the oldest in her graduation year. I replied yes, you told me this before and she kept talking. So I said it louder, you told me this before.
She got visibly upset but kept talking.

After 22 years of her I have had enough of her boring monologues and inability to let someone else have a moment. When I was sick when I was pregnant she kept talking about how healthy she was and how long she breastfed for blabla.
Everything i say results in her relating it to her.
Plus hours of nonsense about train times, shop opening times, What's in Sainsbury's.
My husband is quiet and unbothered by her blathering, so she gets away with steamrolling us.
AIBU if I interrupt her and say you told me this before.

I don't think you read the OP properly, which is often the case on MN.

I Have a friend like this. It’s quite wearing. I think she is a bit self obsessed and anxious. I don’t admire it in her, but people close to us arent about ‘content providing’ are they. It’s about a sense of connection and being there, lives intertwined for long periods, it’s good to stay connected and practice live and let live. Open heartedness is a boon to everyone. I’d put my arm round MIL, give her a squeeze, and say ‘ it’s Josh’s big day today, let’s keep the focus on him! Have some more wine. “

The best response is always 'Are you STILL going on about that?' Cuts them dead in their tracks and makes their intended audience 🤭

Brava 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😉

You come across as rude, judgmental and unable to comprehend the OP’s point

I do think that's quite rude, OP. She sounds unbearable so I'm not surprised it's come to this but it's a very abrupt response. Can you find a gentler way to say it?

@8isgreat but there are unwritten rules for social interaction, this isn't a concept that @TheRubyPoet has just made up.

It is rude and annoying to have to witness a diatribe, and for someone to hijack the social gathering with their inner monologue. It is usual for people not toenjoy it, it is not polite, it is energy sapping and self centred and shows a lack of social awareness.

You might have a completely different way of doing things in your family, but it's not the accepted norm at a dinner gathering for one person to talk incessently and everyone to have to listen and enjoy it, because that's they way they are.

@5128gap Sorry, but this is terrible comment to make.

It was the OP's son big event.
People who let narcissistic personalities get away with their need to dominate every big event/ conversation, are enablers.

As a daughter of a narcissistic mother is very damaging.

OP next time try to say clearly this is about your son's big event and that you would like to focus in it. Don't let her ruin every moment. You are totally right putting some boundaries. Your husband can't as a consequence of his upbringing, but you do. It's important for your son and other members you do.

Congratulations on your son's graduation x

ODFOD with your #bekind. MIL is rude and selfish as hell.

OP the only question I'd have is why was she at the dinner anyway? You knew what she'd be like so this was an occasion to keep her out of it.

Gentle doesn't work with self-obsessed, boring people. If it did then I am sure OP would've stopped her prattling on years ago.

You can interrupt her all you like but it doesn’t sound like it’s going to stop her.

My FIL is like this, it's draining. The last time he did it MIL was just out of hospital and was telling us the details of what the drs. had said...FIL butted in and told a story of how 40 years ago a dr once told him how wonderful he is, the healthiest man he'd ever come across blah blah blah, still never got to hear the details of what was wrong with MIL. Everyone just rolls their eyes but they say nothing. Occasionally MIL will let rip that she's talking but it never changes anything. It's constant.

BIL one time was talking about how his father died young due to a heart attack and FIL just cut him off to talk about horse racing. He has no awareness at all while everyone else is sitting cringing. STILL no-one says anything. I don't feel it's my place since it's DHs family. I feel it's up to them to challenge him.

He is much better one to one, he at least pretends to listen but if there's an audience ie more than one, it's a nightmare.

Could be a neurodiversity. If my husband knows something about something or has experience of something, he physically cannot NOT say. Even if he has told me before a million times. It's very VERY annoying, but he can't help himself, and he is aware that he does it, and so responds well to a 'Hang on - you're doing that thing again... Let so and so finish.' Even down to when I was testing our son for his GCSEs, if he knows the answer, he HAS to fucking say. So we make him leave the room.

Just saying she might not be being rude - it's just how conversation works for her. My husband's dad is the same.

I have much less tolerance for my mil telling me the same stories over and over and OVER again, but that's me being a bitch. She doesn't interrupt. She doesn't take over conversations. I know hers is because... I don't think she has anything else to talk about? I don't know. Anyway. Drives me to pure distraction listening to her tell me about the time she broke her leg for the billiontieth time.

Cut her off every single time. Do it with a gentle tinkly laugh or a smile if you want to soften it. Or don't. She's rude

"Emma, do you need to get your hearing checked, Peter was halfway through a sentence"

"Yes Emma, that's great. I'm sure you can tell us about it after Peter has finished telling his story"

"Sorry Peter, I missed what you were saying, could you start again please?"

"Oh Emma, you do have ants in your pants today"

"Sorry Emma, you'll have to tell me later, I'm listening to Peter"

"Oh yes, that's a fantastic story Emma, but I'm interested to hear Peter's news"

It's hard to be mean to an old person. You must have to let them be. Or avoid them.

I think if you haven't come across someone like this you can't really understand why telling them you've heard it before doesn't work. I don't know what does work except getting up and just walking away, which is rude. They don't seem to care that they are boring people or ruining the atmosphere. Their need to prattle on soars above the usual social conventions and no matter how many times you try to 'gently' shut them up and move on they either can't or don't want to go along with it. I do feel it's a kind of mental disorder - not so much the always turning things back to themselves which, as mentioned before, is sometimes a way that neurodiverse people try to show empathy and connection. It's more the inability to grasp what's going on when people are clearly telling them to stop. How can they not get it?

SOME older adults do this!

My older dsis is like this..,We never really know what she is talking about.
I rang her to tell her that my husband had just died...she just said ,' oh bless ' and launched into a diatribe about her ailments .
I just can't get over this..

Ouch! Not nice, and not funny.

It’s not all older people, but it’s a trait that definitely worsens with age. I suppose all our personality defects become more extreme as the filter goes.

Mil was appalling . She was always selfish and conceited, but as dementia set in there was only one topic of conversation - her. I used to seethe with blood pressure through the roof. On ds’s birthday dh actually said something - and boy, did that not end well, as Chief Enabler fil threw a nest of table at dh 😭

@TheRubyPoet
It sounds very enjoyable 🤠
please keep up the good work and please report back so that we can vicariously enjoy it too ✊🏻🥰

As an aside, @SerafinasGoose i know a woman with a DC. with autism, and they accommodate this trait by having a stopwatch in their kitchen. When their DC begins the diatribe, the stopwatch is set for 15 minutes during which time the information continues, and when the buzzer goes, DC completely stops talking and the woman changes the subject, which seems to work well as they have agreed this boundary. Some variation might support your DC with their awareness but also feeling heard.

You were quite rude, OP. I get that she's irritating and shouldn't be making an occasion all about her, but there are nicer ways to interrupt and steer the conversation in a different direction.

Sounds like my SIL, me me me. YANBU

I think you must be my sister 😉