Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

[Nurseamy87]

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

Gosh you are soo jealous! Leave them be, sounds like they have a happy life.

I have one of the rooms in my house converted entirely to support my lampworking and art, which I pursue in my spare time. My kids are grown and flown the nest so why shouldn’t I?

You sound incredibly bitter OP. Instead of envying your SIL’s life, why not focus on making yours better?

Me and my husband are late 50s/early 60s. He's retired on an NHS pension. I work part-time in the NHS. We don't have kidsbut have a dog and guess what....we live in a 3 bed. A combinations of buying at the right time in London then moving out to Somerset to make the most of the equity, plus some money inherited from parents after they died.

Good for them.

You are SO jealous it sounds like it's eating you up.

Full time dog mum and arty person here. Hi 😁
Sorry that full time dog mum sounds stupid to you, but it's actually a very lovely thing being able to have this sort of bond.

My partner works full time from home, so our spare room is set up as his office. Me not working is a mutual decision because we choose to have cats and large dogs, which we don't want to send to a dogsitter. We make other sacrifices to afford this; we have one ratty car and we don't take holidays abroad or drink or go for meals out. We have a quiet peaceful life in a 3 bed semi with a small garden.

I don't really see why anyone else should be offended by our lifestyle...but, clearly, some people are.

Weirdly this thread is almost an exact copy of the "soft life" one from a few weeks back... It'll likely end up on the Daily Fail 🙄

I'm in my 30s with a 4 bed and working 4 days pw 😂

So in your “real” world all childless couples should be in a one bed flat, no-one would be allowed to study for its own sake / one’s pleasure, no one would be able to pursue a hobby that requires space to do it, and everyone would gave to do a job whether they needed to or not.

i don’t much like your “real” world

👏

I think you're a troll and if you aren't then you are very narrow minded and judgemental if you think the way someone lives that differs from your version of 'normal' is the wrong way to live.
It sounds like a nice life and if your brother is happy surely that's all that matters.

What does this situation have to do with your own? Mind your own business.

Their choices led them to where they are now, happy and enjoying life. You sound very bitter, you need to take a step back, think of what would bring you joy. Discuss with your DH changes you can make to lead a more fulfilling life.

Well at least you can feel better knowing your SIL doesn’t have a completely perfect life @Nurseamy87 - she’s got to suffer being related to you.

Maybe her hobby room and student life is your brother’s way of apologising to her for being exposed to someone as awful as you.

They are happy, you're bitter. It's not a good look.

Omg you're so bitter and jealous 🤣🤣

Curious to know if you tried to disguise it in your post 🤔

We need the laughing emoji back!!

What on earth does the lifestyle of your brother and sister in law have to do with you? I also do not understand how owning a three bed house is 'inexplicable', it sounds as though they use all three bedrooms.

If they are happy and cause no problems to anyone, mind your own business. Resentment does you no good, it's a horrible emotion.

Ok so it does sound different but if they’re both happy with it then who cares really. Honestly do start thinking about how you can make life a bit easier for yourself and your dh, either look at your jobs, where you live, cutting hours, getting back to what you love, whatever it is you need. It shouldn’t be normal to be unhappy, no x

I'm not getting what's "inexplicable" about anyone - single or in a couple, with kids or without - living in whatever kind of home they can afford. And obviously couples without kids are more likely to have spare rooms. My ds has grown up and left - am I allowed to be here alone in my 2-bed home? With my scandalous fortysomething woman's spare room? (It only contains a bed and a lot of drying laundry, but if I had the kind of hobbies that take up any space I'd certainly repurpose it).

She does sound lazy - I'd be ashamed to sponge off a man - but you do sound very jealous. And a bit unhinged when you start suggesting that anyone who doesn't live like you is somehow not in the "real world". Some lives are more privileged than others, but they're all real. Lots of people have home offices and / or spaces for their hobbies.

If a married person chooses to financially support their spouse, that's between the two of them - nobody else's business.

It sounds like they are both happy with the set up. She might not actually be studying for a career but just for the pleasure of it. Lucky her…

You clearly wrote this for the sole purpose of being rage bait. Why?

If it works for them, they are happy and can afford it then great!

Don’t compare yourself, you’ll just end up really bitter about it all.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house 😱

5/10 ragebait score 😂

This has to be (yet another) goady thread?

DH and I also inexplicably own a 3 bed house. And we use one of the rooms as a hobby room too - I mean how bloody dare we!

You are just jealous OP about your brother's crazy life that isn't crazy at all. They sound they have life sorted!

The problem here is that you don’t like your life. Your SIL is happy and so is your brother. They don’t need to change anything.