Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

[Nurseamy87]

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

I don’t even like dogs, but I think you should MYOB.

My god. Leave her alone.

Lucky SIL, it sounds idyllic.

Nhs slave 😆
Get a life op

Thinking this is just a wind up post. When did the schools break up?

I think we can all agree that someone saying they’re a full time dog mum sounds ridiculous.

But it’s almost so ridiculous that I’m wondering if she says it just to get a reaction out of people.

I personally could never be in a relationship with someone who was ok with me working FT and they not working at all.

People are going to judge this woman, just like they would judge a man who didn’t work.

But at the end of the day it’s their lives and they can live it however they want to.

Whilst there are child/animal abusers and terrorists in this world then what these sorts of people do is none of my business.

Gosh you sound immensely jealous, and I don’t blame you one bit!. The only people who need to be happy in a marriage are the married couple, and they’ve both said they’re happy! It sounds like she’s got a wonderful life. Try to be a bit kinder to them, their happiness doesn’t stop you from also being happy

You’re jealous.

Honestly, I couldn't care less. As long as she is not laying her health problems on thick on order to claiming benefits when she could be well enough to work, I don't see why anyone would have an issue with it. They are, as a family unit, financially self sufficient and they cost the tax payer nothing. Especially not if your brother is a higher rate payer himself and she's previously worked full time, never taken maternity leave and has paid into the pot for years.

Perhaps it suits your brother to have her deal with all the life admin and the housework so that he can concentrate on work and enjoy his free time at weekends. I actually think most couples would be happier, less stressed and less resentful if one of them could afford to stay at home.

The one thing that might irritate me is if she's studying something that will probably not lead to a well paid job once she's graduated. If she's got a student loan and she's already in her forties then the chances of her ever earning above the threshold for long enough before retirement to pay back that loan might be slim. She may have zero intention of getting a job with her degree and is just doing it for the challenge and the fun.

I think if you want to do a degree over a certain age you pay for it yourself up front, or if you get a student loan it's payable immediately you graduate, whether you are earning above the current threshold for younger students or not. Too many mature students use a degree as some sort of mid life crisis hobby with no real expectation or chance of gaining decent employment out of it and expect the tax payer to fund it for them, knowing it will get written off eventually if they don't get a job.

I wouldn't want it as I value my independence. I like to have my own money so that I can buy myself a new bra, shoes, a present for DH or whatever & it's my money so DH can't question how much I've spent.

My money, my business.

You are being astonishingly unreasonable, sorry.

You sound so bitter and miserable. Are you a mental health nurse by any chance?
Good on them for living the life they want to live and not caring about what people like you think.

Sorry OP, your bro must think you're an absolute nutcase for objecting to their happy home life. Sounds great.

You see I’m a SAHM, so it’s different in that I have children to care for, but I know family members resent me for being able to not work and live in a lovely house with a nice lifestyle. I down play everything so as not to piss them off. I even make up interviews and talk about jobs I have no intention of applying for. It keeps them off my back. If I’ve had a lovely day to myself where I drop the kids off, walk the dogs, do a bit of gardening, nip to the shops, I find myself making stuff up to make my life sound as shit as possible ‘oh the cars playing up so I took that to the garage and then I had to take the cat to the vet as she keeps vomiting, MIL needs a prescription for her piles so I collected that. It’s often all BS but me having a mundane life appeases people like you OP who seem venomous about my life. I wouldn’t fucking dream of telling them I do Pilates in a sunny field on a Tuesday, that would get them frothing a the mouth.

Does it matter if she’s a dog mum who doesn’t work? Is she a nice person? Does she love your brother? Would she help you out? That’s what matters.

My husband and I have a six bedroom house, and we don’t have kids.

Unless you’re paying their mortgage, it’s none of your business.

Maybe you should have married better and you wouldn’t have to be an NHS slave?

You have no idea what is going on behind the scenes.

My sister suddenly gave up work completely in her late 30s. She had been so stressed in her job. No children but married to a man with a well paid job. Lived in a 4 bed house and also had a 2 bed flat in London - they split time between the two places. No doubt you would have described this set up as crazy.

She then had a baby in her mid 40's. We hadn't realised but they had been TTC for years and she gave up work to help de stress in the hope it would help her conceive.

You need to stop comparing your lives as it will only make you miserable and bitter.

It's not a crazy way to live if her and her partner can afford this and are happy. Sounds pretty amazing to me!

You do sound very jealous. Why should she get a job? She’s happy, he’s happy. It’s not a role I’d choose but many millions of men and women are happy in a “traditional “ setup like that.

And why is a three bed house “inexplicable”? It’s just me and DH at home and we have a 4 bed. It’s nice to have the space if they can afford it. Are you one of those people who believe that childless couples should be relegated to one bedroom flats?

This cannot be real. It’s no business of yours whatsoever.

Sounds like she’s just unemployed and happy about it/enjoying it!

She’s doing it all wrong.

She needs at least another two dogs.

As long as she has some money of her own, they should crack on.

She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

And this is just mean-spirited. Do her a favour and stay away from her.

You're so jealous it's dripping from the post. I live alone and have an extra room. It's a home gym. Maybe get rid of that chip on your shoulder.

Good for her - sounds like she has a lovely life. Don't be jealous - it isn't called the green-eyed monster for nothing.

Your feelings for your brother warrant a thread in itself I suspect

Why is it "inexplicable" to own a 3 bedroom house when you have no children? And if your brother WFH why is him having a bedroom as an "office" (as you put it) a problem?