Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
ScouserInExile · 09/07/2025 19:51

@Elsvieta
How do you know she's lazy? She might be walking 20 miles a day for all you know. I'm not lazy. I'm up at 6am and on the go literally all day. I do far more steps than my partner sitting at his desk all day.
And I don't "sponge" off anybody.

Boreded · 09/07/2025 19:53

Wow…you are pleasant. Let’s hope she doesn’t find her way here and see what you’ve written…I’m sure quite a few people she knows will see this

Praying4Peace · 09/07/2025 19:55

I get where you are coming from OP, such a contrast to your life.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Detach and cherish what you have.
I don't get your silly either but she is no different to many, as is your life representative of many

herbalteabag · 09/07/2025 19:58

Sounds good to me, I would definitely take a break in working to study or just to pursue my own interests if I could afford it. There isn't a law that states you have to have a job, and they seem happy and able to afford their lives, so what does it have to do with you?
Saying she is a full time dog mum is just something people say on social media if they don't have children. Also, my sister used to live in a 3 bedroom house on her own, and my mum still does. So will I, come to that, when my kids are both at uni.

midlifeattheoasis · 09/07/2025 19:58

I wished you'd enabled voting!

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 09/07/2025 19:58

Oh you're a right jealous fucker aren't you 😂

topflower123 · 09/07/2025 19:58

You honestly sound jealous and unhappy yourself - is there something you feel resentful about in your own relationship?

fthisfthatfeverything · 09/07/2025 20:01

Comparison is the thief of joy.

they are none of your business

Praying4Peace · 09/07/2025 20:02

Slackbladder22 · 09/07/2025 19:06

I mean I totally agree it’s none of your business and you’re clearly jealous but I’d love to see the responses to this thread if the roles were reversed and it was your brother being a ‘dog dad’ and his wife working.

Indeed

godmum56 · 09/07/2025 20:02

there is no just about it, you are jealous. MYOB. I hope your brother told you to fuck the fuck off.

Horserider5678 · 09/07/2025 20:02

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

You sound very jealous! And it’s not a nice trait!

godmum56 · 09/07/2025 20:03

Slackbladder22 · 09/07/2025 19:06

I mean I totally agree it’s none of your business and you’re clearly jealous but I’d love to see the responses to this thread if the roles were reversed and it was your brother being a ‘dog dad’ and his wife working.

my response would be the same if they were both happy.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/07/2025 20:03

If she was a man, she'd be called a cocklodger.

outerspacepotato · 09/07/2025 20:04

Stay mad.

They will continue to live their best life despite your effort to break them up. Don't think your bro doesn't know exactly why you have these little shit talks about his wife with him.

Your jealousy is already warping your life. Why don't you concentrate on your own life and what changes you want to make? Is it easier to fixate on and hate on your SIL? She isn't the cause of your unhappiness. You are.

Praying4Peace · 09/07/2025 20:04

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/07/2025 20:03

If she was a man, she'd be called a cocklodger.

Spot on!

outerspacepotato · 09/07/2025 20:05

Why? They're married, she's had an unknown health issue since COVID, and the husband is happy with her studying and doing what she does. She did work and contribute, now she does in a different role and might go back to work at some point

topflower123 · 09/07/2025 20:05

It’s not about whether it’s a man or woman - her DH seems more than happy to (and can afford their lifestyle). Other threads on here usually have the person working unhappy which is why they post

Itrymybestyesido · 09/07/2025 20:05

You should feel happy that your brother is happy. You SIL contributes to his happiness.

FigsOfFury · 09/07/2025 20:06

You are being massively unreasonable. Yor brother is in a seemingly happy and loving relationship that works for them both. Be happy for him.

FigsOfFury · 09/07/2025 20:06

You are being massively unreasonable. Yor brother is in a seemingly happy and loving relationship that works for them both. Be happy for him.

FigsOfFury · 09/07/2025 20:06

You are being massively unreasonable. Yor brother is in a seemingly happy and loving relationship that works for them both. Be happy for him.

LoveItaly · 09/07/2025 20:06

You really need to work on your envy, that kind of negative emotion won’t make for a happy life for you. Plus you risk alienating your brother if you keep displaying it.
Working for the NHS is laudable, but it doesn’t give you the right to judge other people in this way.

Inyournewdress · 09/07/2025 20:07

Is this a reverse?

I don’t think it is at all odd to have a three bedroom house or bigger as a couple, most people can really use the extra room so why not if you can afford it. I also know several mature students. Couples can decide as they wish if they are both on board.

You don’t really know anything about their lives or decisions or health factors, so your assumptions are likely to be both inaccurate and mean.

If you don’t get a grip on your jealous and judgmental attitude you’re going to really damage your relationship with your brother.

cloudyblueglass · 09/07/2025 20:10

If it works for them, it’s none of your business

JohnnyLuLus · 09/07/2025 20:11

What do you mean by this: "Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! "
It clearly is realistic for them because they're doing it. What you mean is that you can't afford to live like that.
You're clearly jealous. But fair enough, I am too! I'd love to live like your sil and DB.

And FWIW my friend and his partner owns a six bedroom house, just the two of them. Lucky them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread