Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

[Nurseamy87]

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

They sound like they're living the dream. They're both happy. Youre jealous. Mind your own business

She's not taking your money or mine - so let her crack on!

I WFH full time and my DP is currently home studying a degree. He also looks after the house, the dog, sorts cars and appointments etc.. It suits us, we can afford it and it saves me trying to juggle my busy job and all the rest of life admin that I hate. He gets to do a degree without trying to squash it round a job. Everyone is a winner in my opinion!

She’s never been a student before. Why is it OK when you’re 18 and not when you’re older?

You sound jealous

Maybe your brother and his wife have found a balance that works for them. You could learn from this.

Speechless. It's quite worrying when you realise people like OP exist in the real world. I hope your brother and his wife move house, soon, and you can find someone else to seethe over. Seriously OP, you should seek advice.

It’s even more worrying that she’s found people to agree with her.

Massively unreasonable. The two people who's lives are affected by SIL's choices are both fine with it, what gives you the right to even have an opinion on it, let alone express it to your brother!

Wow, you are seething with jealousy. How evil! You say you’ve spoken to you brother about this, I suggest you speak to your SIL about it too, just so she knows your true colours and what a horrible woman you are. I would be happy for my sibling! Get a hobby instead of sitting pondering over other people’s lives.

She's just lucky, I understand why you would feel jealous but you can't force her into a miserable job and into having kids if she doesn't want them. Sorry!

The thing is, if she did have kids a load of MNers would tell her to get back to work ASAP so she’s not leeching off her husband/putting all of the financial burden on him/leaving herself financially vulnerable!

SIL is currently one of life s passengers, that's fine because your brother is happy to fund her. Maybe this role swaps between the two of them over time. Who cares what they use their rooms for!!! Why are you monitoring?

I WFH I have an office downstairs. My sons have a games room upstairs. My house, I can use it anyway I want. Your brother s house is his own business, not yours.

Tidy your junk room out, put your energy into your own life, not watching other people s. Get therapy.

You sound jealous and envious and horrible. It's not hurting you how they live, grow up a bit.

We also have a 2 bed and a box room, wanted kids but they never materialised. Also I have my own office/sitting room/library in our converted garage. Why shouldn’t we?

Yes, just jealous. I would be too!

I do have kids, but otherwise this is me. If they're financially secure and happy, why not. There's no law that says a person has to have a job if they don't need to.

You are just jealous.com
Leave them be. You don’t know what lies round the corner. One minute i was working, next minute, I’m off on long term sick with cancer. Lives can change in a heartbeat! ( I have a spare room!)

Why? She doesn’t need the money, her husband is happy with the situation,
she has her hobby, her studying and her dog to occupy herself and she’s not in the best of health. Sounds a bit like a lot of people’s retirement, but maybe you’d have us early retirees working til we’re 67!

(My comment here is theoretical of course,
if OP’s situation was real)

This has to be fake. First of all why shouldn't they have a 3 bedroom house and how is it any of your business how their bedrooms are used?

And exactly wtf is wrong with being a mature student? Yeah, she should go out and work a random job that she hates right now rather than study for what she really wants to do just because Nurseamy87 hates her job 👍🏻 sorry but the fact that you obviously hate your job so much is not her or your brother's fucking problem. It's none of anyone's business whether someone works/is a SAHM or whatever else as long as the people who are actually in the relationship are happy with it.

I'm a mature student (26) and I don't work, my DH is the only one working. I do have 3 kids though, so do I still need to 'get a job like the rest of us have to'?

YABU - If they can afford it and her husband is happy to support her, why do you care? Seems totally weird to me that you would have this strong of an opinion. Get over yourself!
Plenty of people have this arrangement (admittedly usually when they have children), I don't get what the big deal is

Lol. No, she doesn’t ’need’ to do that at all.

If he's really happy with being the one who brings home the bacon then so be it.

Sounds perfect. They happy that's all that matters. I'm crazy I suppose as I dropped a days work for the NHS and spend the day crafting... background I lost a close friend aged 44 (my age at that time...just dropped dead due to a unknown medical situation) which shock me to the core and decided I'd work four days extra hours and take one day off to spend with friends crafting. Best decision ever. I'm more relaxed and I'm a better mum and wife

Tbf she may have her own sources of passive income that OP isn’t aware of.