Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

[Nurseamy87]

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

Ah so sorry, it does sound like you are jealous. People are entitled to live however they like! Great for them that they are happy and can afford it. Hell, I’m jealous of her too 🤣🤣

Erm…sorry, it’s just none of your business. Don’t really understand why you’re posting on here tbh.

You’d probably hate us then! We both work but we have a 4 adult DC who have all moved out and we live in a 4 bedroom house. Ridiculous you don’t think they should have a 3 bedroom house! Why not?

Well, too bad you couldn't have married your brother, I guess. 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely none of your business.

😂 you would hate me. I am forties, single and have FOUR bedrooms!!

one is a study, one is a dressing room and one is a guest room. Then my master bedroom.

imagine what you would be saying about me!!!

Yup she will hate us too! We live in a 5 bed 3 rec detached house. We were going to downsize but found we would have to spend what our house is worth to get a 3 bed 1 rec bungalow so decided that was silly! Now I have a sewing room and an art studio/study and he has a book lined snug complete with beer fridge and telly for sports! I too used to be an NHS slave but swapped it to teach others healthcare to get a better work/ life balance OP needs to be proactive if she wants to better her situation

They sound like they have met their matches. I would say as long as they are not going into debt, and living with in their means, good for them.

Jelly

claims to have a health issue

OP you are not just jealous but are proper nasty with it. What a bitchy thing to say. Rein it in or your DB will be going NC with you, and who would blame him. Inexplicably have a 3 bedroom house? Shock horror, how dare they have a house that suits them and they can afford??

Um... You 'talked with your brother about this craziness'? Jeez, what a bitch. Stop being jealous, it's not her fault you're stuck in a shitty job. Get a better one? Retrain? Take in ironing??

To rub it in. We're also two people, DD and I. 3 bed house. I own it, mortgage-free and I'm not even 40 yet. I do work, in a highly-specialized and highly paid role. 3-4 hours a day, job is not difficult, nor particularly stressful (and nothing to do with illegal activities/only fans or similar).

We travel a lot, have 2 long holidays abroad/year (one month-long and one 2 weeks) and multiple short breaks in Europe. I don't have health issues and could work more, but cannot be arsed, I'm lazy. Life is pretty good as it is.

To top it all off, my dad's a wealthy man and I'm looking at a very substantial inheritance in the future. Although even without it, we're not on the breadline.

Wouldn't normally say any of this, but your OP is disgusting, trying to ruin another woman's life like that, splitting her and your brother, who loves her as you say.

If it weren't for you mentioning that your brother and SIL have no children, I'd wonder if you were my SIL.

I too gave up work after covid due to ill health, am in my 40s, and being supported by my husband. My dog is my shadow and goes everywhere with me. So I guess I am a full time dog mum too! But I do have kids. Actual school aged children, not baby goats 🤣. It works for us.

I'm afraid you do sound kinda jealous tbh.

You’re envious, not jealous. You also come across as deeply unpleasant. Get a hobby and stop meddling in your brother’s life.

You are supposed to love these people.
They sound happy.
I can see why you would be jealous but it’s not an emotion that is going to serve you or change anyone else’s life.
Can you look for a different job with better management and hours that would make it easier for you to have another dog if that’s what you want?
Could you study part time?
Resenting and pondering about your sil isn’t going to make your life easier, nicer, or more fulfilling, but there are hundreds of other things that could.

Honestjy Op, people like you scare me.
Your jealousy and bitterness is palpable .
You even had the nerve to speak to your brother about something that doesn’t concern you and doesn’t appear to bother him.

Do better ffs

Unless there is a drip feed along the lines that you and all your parents are the siblings are funding them then it's none of your business and you are being massively unreasonable.

Do you have any other brothers? Asking for a friend.

You have spoken to your brother about their relationship and lifestyle? You are poking your nose in their business. If they are happy, why it bothers you? Seems like you wanted to cause an argument between them.

It’s obvious you are jealous as you go on talking about being an NHS slave.

8 rooms in New York? 🤩

Op any chance you are from my culture? Because in-laws are very gutsy in my culture and have no boundaries. South Asia?

Absolutely!! Crazy people here who chop and change 🤣 I think it's a strange set up and she seems lazy and unmotivated. I would be ridiculed by my ILs if dh kept me. Even with dc.

She has a great life. She's lucky to have a beautiful, tidy home, her own space to study and work, and the pets she chooses to have. Why should she change a wonderful life? Would you like her to get a job and a few children so she feels as stressed as you do, and becomes less happy, so you can feel better about it all? You're so jealous of her it's pathetic you've even considered posting this.
Her world is real, and it's a great world.

My husband and I had a 3 bed as our first house when it was just the 2 of us, and bought a 4 bed when we had our son. Not sure it’s anyone’s business how we choose to spend our money. We need a spare double room for visitors (PILs come to stay regularly) and I need an office. 3 beds is hardly a mansion. My mum and step dad have 4 bedrooms and there is only 2 of them, my grandad in his 80’s has 4 beds to himself ! All bought and paid for so I don’t see it as a problem. Would have an issue if it was social housing with empty bedrooms but that’s a whole other thread!

She sounds a bit spoilt and probably self absorbed but you do sound jealous. Not really your business how they live tbh

Victim 🎻