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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 09/07/2025 22:41

I imagine your brother enjoys the benefit of not having them both rushing in from work, doing chores and cooking dinner before getting chance to relax. It’s honestly a much easier way of life if you can afford to do it and it suits you. She’s filling her time as a housewife and mature student and he gets to come home to dinner, a clean house and a wife who has time to sit and enjoy his company. Fair play to them. Absolutely not any of your business how other people live their lives or manage their relationships. Just cos it isn’t what you do doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 09/07/2025 22:42

TarquinsTurnips · 09/07/2025 22:11

I was going to write along post, but all I will say is honestly if that is the role she wants, and your brother wants the role of provider...not sure there is any mileage in hating on them.

Best to look at what you can do to improve your own situation.

"I was going to write a long post" then I realised that you disabled voting and then you immediately abandoned the thread, so I decided not to bother 😁.

IridiumSky · 09/07/2025 22:44

OP, that’s envy sorted.

What do you do for sloth, gluttony, lust, pride, greed and wrath?

Tbry24 · 09/07/2025 22:44

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

I’d reread this and I actually think you are my DPs sister. She hates me with a passion too. The only bit that’s not happened, that I know of but my DP would probably not like to tell me, would be his sister speaking to him about it.

CandidClarisse · 09/07/2025 22:45

Not your life, not your problem! For the record me and my partner live in a 4 bed house, no kids or pets, an office each and a games / storage room, we can afford it so why not 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wolfpinkola · 09/07/2025 22:45

Leave your job if you hate it so much ?
There are other options than feeling miserable every day. Wishing you the best op

Camille99 · 09/07/2025 22:46

You sound quite mad. I spend most of my day looking after my dog and I wouldn't have it any other way. I also am child free and live in a 4 bedroom house. One bedroom is my dressing room, the other a sitting room and the other my husband's to do as he pleases.

whitewineandsun · 09/07/2025 22:48

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness

Hopefully he told you to mind your own damn business.

Anonycat · 09/07/2025 22:50

You’re joking, right?

LameBorzoi · 09/07/2025 22:51

A 3 bed sounds fairly necessary if they are both studying / working from home. Yes, I've studied in the bedroom and kitchen, but it is far from ideal.

FrazzledFTworkingMum · 09/07/2025 22:52

Oh wow you're really poisonous! they sound like they both like their life. if you hate your life so much, change it.

magicstar1 · 09/07/2025 22:53

Yeah you sound very jealous.
DH and I have no children but do have a dog. I do work, but work from home so I can be there with her during the day.
We also bought a 3 bedroom house, but have now knocked two rooms into one so we could get a superking bed. The spare room now has our wardrobes so we don't need to keep clothes in the bedroom. I can only imagine what you'd say about us lol.

DiscoBeat · 09/07/2025 22:58

They are happy, it's not your business. Also an office that work full time in is not a 'spare room'

Dweetfidilove · 09/07/2025 23:00

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness

😂😂😂😂

JLou08 · 09/07/2025 23:01

Yeah, you're just jealous. Your brother is happy with the arrangement, not surprisingly. How nice life would be to have someone take care of the house and life admin and to come home from work to a spouse who is happy and relaxed. The majority of us do have to work but there are plenty out there who don't, some of them will be living a much more luxurious life than your SIL. Good for them getting to live their best life.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 09/07/2025 23:01

Anonycat · 09/07/2025 22:50

You’re joking, right?

A wind up I think.

Shhhhitsmagic · 09/07/2025 23:01

Imagine what you could achieve if you put all of that energy into making your own life better instead of being jealous?
You sound so bitter, and I can guarantee they will have picked up on this!

Masmavi · 09/07/2025 23:05

You are unhappy with aspects of your life. This has nothing to do with your SİL and brother and how they choose to live. But because you are unhappy you are trying to stir up trouble between them. They are happy. Leave them alone and focus on what you can change in your life.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/07/2025 23:06

God, you sound like an utter bitch OP. Your post makes you sound jealous, bitter and nosy. It's absolutely not your business. Please work on your own happiness. Change jobs, study part time, get your own hobby. Your dissatisfaction with your own life is your complete responsibility. And apologize to your brother.

FieldsOfPotatoes · 09/07/2025 23:08

Where can I sign up to be a full time dog mum

sunights · 09/07/2025 23:12

YANBU @Nurseamy87

If your brother is doing a lot for SIL and she is showing off/ not recognising their privilege you have every right to be irked.

Could you remind her there are people less fortunate than her and ask her to reign in the FB status updates?

Or if not, unfollow her. I do this to my cousins wives who post insta perfect updates. I actually like them! But they benefited from investing early family inheritance in property, which my side didn't as we spent the early inheritance on the older generations later care needs.

Not the wives fault- but I'd rather not be reminded of it!

PregnantBarbie · 09/07/2025 23:13

Sorry OP but your post does read a bit jealous.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/07/2025 23:13

You are seriously judgemental.

Finteq · 09/07/2025 23:14

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

This is a reverse

Finteq · 09/07/2025 23:16

It's either a reverse or fake- cos ain't no one that batshit in real life...