Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

[Nurseamy87]

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

I was going to write along post, but all I will say is honestly if that is the role she wants, and your brother wants the role of provider...not sure there is any mileage in hating on them.

Best to look at what you can do to improve your own situation.

I live alone, have no children and inexplicably have three bedrooms. I shall be asking me to explain myself later.

My brother has a partner, one child at home and five bedrooms. Utter utter craziness.

Always be grateful for what you have and dont pay heed to what others have/do and you will live a full and contented life.

Envy is a cardinal sin. Jealousy should be one too.

I think it's strange you have an issue with this. It works for them. She has worked, she has a health issue she doesn't have to give you the details of, she is studying (which is work or towards it, no doubt). Who cares other than the envious?

You might die from shock to hear we have a 4 bed house and no children.

Is this real?

LTB

Sounds like they have a lovely life. It's understandable that you're devistatingly jealous but perhaps you should have made other choices.

A full time dog mum is just fucking ridiculous! Totally cringeworthy.

I feel a bit sad for a 40something woman who hasn’t worked for quite a few years, no financial independence and no financial security if the relationship goes tits up!

not saying this from a point of jealousy either, I don’t work full time but earn just as much if not more than dh does. But I love my job…. Most of the time.

I think you should seek help as you seem very bitter unhappy.

I'm afraid OP might call the police on you.

You are the crazy one. Not her. Mind your own business and sort your own life out instead of bitching about other people’s.

We have a 2 bedroom house and no children. Is this the acceptable amount of bedrooms we should have? We are looking at moving to a bigger house but I’m not sure if we’re allowed now? Does it depend how big the rooms are do you think?

If they're both happy, what the hell has it got to do with you?

She needs to get back to reality? That IS her reality - and it sounds bloody great! It’s a real shame that you can’t feel happy for them to be living so contentedly - or even use their example as a way to improve your own life if you feel so hard done by!

You probably don’t know all the ins and outs of their life and relationship and you are being really really harsh. your SIL sounds like me and your judging is exactly what I’m up against all the time too.

my DP and I bought a 3bed semi together, why shouldn’t we? One bedroom is a home office and eventually the other one will be my hobby room. I no longer am able to work due to my health. And I am also a FT furbaby mum at present as we’ve adopted some rescues that have needed me round the clock.

So the outside world would see me in exactly the same way as you are seeing your SIL. I think some of my neighbours do as I’ve had comments.

But they’d have it all completely wrong.

My (mental and physical) health is terrible so I literally cannot work even though I really want to, I’m also thinking about studying. I’ve not had a holiday in years as each holiday I take is actually to go and help elderly relatives and I’ve not had a day off from the rescues since they arrived. Yes my DP is working FT and paying the mortgage but I’ve already paid for my half of our home from my savings so it’s his share that’s being paid. But when we first got together I had a stressful career he didn’t and he moved into my home at the time and I paid for everything for all of us. And when he started his career he worked away nearly always so I had to cover everything at home alone, one time being for two years he was just home occasional weekends.

The only crazy thing about this is you and your reaction and attitude to your SILs lifestyle! Don't like your own job? Then change it! Jealous of a 3 bedroom house? Then move and buy your own!
I think there is a whole lot wrong with you and nothing wrong with your brother and SIL at all!
Hopefully your brother realises what a jealous and nasty sister he has and goes NC.
At least it'll ease the obvious hatred that their lifestyle causes you to have against them!
Envy is a horrible trait to have.

Wow I genuinely pity your brother having to put up with you and you mean interfering jealousy.

I mean SIL has it made and you do sound jealous, I'm jealous too, would love to not have to work.

But YANBU to be bewildered by the 'full time dog mum' phrase.

WHY did you quote the op???? We know you are responding to it FFS!!!!

Yes, clearly you are jealous.
Why on earth is it crazy?! Just become you have work doesn't mean everyone else should. Most people work because they need the money, but she doesn't need to.
Your brother is likely happy as his wife, presumably, does all the housework/shopping/admin etc. He comes home to a happy wife and clean home, not for him to start cleaning up the house and an exhausted wife.
Her not working will make his life a whole load easier.

Omg you are horrible

why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!!

because she neither wants nor needs to?

Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies!

why not? I do…… hobbies now but when I was studying I had space dedicated fur that.

All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

You do understand that everyone is different, right?

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world.

Why?

Wow you sound really bitter OP. I would MYOB, if they are both happy what does it matter?. Why don't you focus on figuring out how to make your own life happier?

We retired and moved to another part of the country - also with a coastline, Horror of horrors we upsized bucking the trend for most retirees. We have 4 bedrooms, a large hobby room / library, 3 loos (one each and a spare). We bought the property because it suited our needs. Sorry OP if this level of craziness offends you! Tough titty!