Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

[Nurseamy87]

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

Sorry but you sound extremely jealous of her and her life choices. Their relationship is absolutely none of your business, they sound happy and it works for them so surely that is the most important thing.

Instead of being so jealous and bitter, why not look at your own life and make some plans to change the things you don’t like - stop being so mardy (sorry, best word I can think of to describe you) look to your own life and mind your own business.

im off to report them for having a 3 bed house when they don’t have children- the shock and horror of it all🙄

Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!!

Why should she? Sounds they are both living a great live. They have space and money to live. Stay at home partner has time to provide a level of care a working one can't.

Technically, she is risking getting into a hard situation if they ever split, but given she is studying now, maybe she would be ok.

You sound jealous. Some people are luckier than others and there's nothing wrong with her deciding to study - or do anything else for that matter - if she has the chance to do so.

I'm in my 40s with no children, and even more inexplicably have a FOUR bedroom house! Someone call the police.

How does your brother tolerate a jealous judgemental sister who sticks her nose in his marriage?

You sound like a vile person, it’s absolutely NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Had to post this.
I own a 3 bed house, decent garden no kids, live on my own
Retired and have 7 rescue cats that are spoilt rotten
Never wanted kids or to live with anyone .
Very, very happy

Living the dream!

It was genuinely hard reading something so filled with envy. I feel sorry for you a bit. I get it, life can be difficult. But you just sound awful.

My BIL and his wife have a 5 bed house. They can afford it because they don't have any kids. This not a crazy way to live, if she doesn't need to work and doesn't want to and her partner supports this why would she go out and get a job just because YOU think it's crazy not to.

Your brother and his wife are happy with this arrangement so I don't see what the problem is. Focus on what you can change in your life rather than resenting what someone else has.

It sounds like a perfect example of two people cutting their cloth according to their means OP. And making their lives work for them rather than the other way around. More people ought to do the same. And what is the obsession with whether or not they have children? Is it that it would make you feel better if they have more financial worries and commitments?

It sounds lovely! Personally, I would be worried about the lack of pension if I wasn’t working. If this is what you’d like for yourself then can you do something about your own life? It’s miserable to feel stuck and jealous.

You’re jealous (It’s OK to be jealous, use it positively how can you bring a bit of what she has into your life? What exactly are you jealous of? Do you like her? Do you need a bit of distance from them? The important thing is to try and control your jealousy rather than the other way round.

This is the life of the child free!

You sound jealous. Yabvu

Your jealous. Sorry

Why on earth do you think she has to go to work just because you have to?! This post is nuts!

Two of us 4 bed home. We are looking to move but cannot find a 3 bed bungalow with a patch of land if it has land it’s at least 4 beds and not a bungalow. Mind your own business you sound like my sil.

You could be describing my life. I spend my days pottering around in the garden with my dogs.

To be honest you do sound a bit jealous! Perhaps SIL will enter the job market at some point. Perhaps she will worry about her dependency on her husband at some point. Meanwhile she’s having a great time and harming nobody.

I don't think this is real but... Kindly, there are a lot more — probably a good healthy chunk of the population — financially comfortable people than you think/realise, OP. Your SIL is hardly unusual.

I mean really just comfortable enough to do what you want with a good financial buffer, not necessarily obviously wealthy. Some might stay home, some might study, some might travel, some might work for fun or fulfillment.

Also, this level of comfort & leisure will probably be the new normal for many 20-30+ year olds now - many of whom choose deliberately to be DINKS because kids are such a financial drain.

Tell us you're jealous without explicitly saying you're jealous....

No it's not jealousy. It's envy.

If you've worked your entire life and don't have kids, I think generally you can afford to retire at 40 without worrying about a pension. Kids are the real financial killer.