Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

I wouldn't trust him to do it properly. Use his ski trip Money to pay for a house sitter.

To be honest, if your teen is out all day working then that’s not really suitable for the dog anyway. How long are you going for?

Baring SEN or disability at 17 it should be all otherwise things have gone very wrong

They have a part time job

You are so rude and also incorrect.

No they're not rude or incorrect, it can be hard going hearing the truth but there it is.

First post, as ever, nails it.

Free jolly with their mates! Ace. I'll do it if you pay for my holiday. Plus I'd love spending time with the dog.

Selfish little git.

Did you read the rest of my post or are you just here to dig at the one thing that might be negative?

I actually say how my daughter regularly looks after our dogs while we go away for long weekends, and that she encourages us too. Because she likes to give something back for all the things we do for her.

I also say I have never asked her to look after them for longer, because of her own life and how busy she is and that it would have an impact on her, NOT that she wouldn't. I have no idea if she would be happy to or not. But in any case if we go away for longer then we take them to home boarders because its the best thing for everyone all round, dogs included.

So go judge someone else.

Please don't blackmail your DC into looking after the DDog, and if you have already said that you would fund your DC's holiday don't go back on it.
Either of these could adversely affect your relationship with your child, once the trust is gone it will be very hard to get back.
And yes your DC will hang on to you effectively cancelling their skiing trip (as others suggest) for years.

You are after all the adult in this situation and I doubt that it was the DC's idea to get a "family" pet.

Your son should definately be able to stay home to look after the dog. If he won't, then he needs to go stay with friends so that you can get the dog sitter to come and stay.

I have to confess that I made a big contribution to my DS holidays till he'd started full time work after university, so I don't get the criticism you're getting for paying for a holiday for a kid who's still in school.

I would put the dog with a sitter to make sure it is looked after properly. But no way would I be funding any trips for DC if thats their level of cooperation. I would simple say "i used the money to pay the dog sitter" and leave it at that.

Its not the truth though.
I know what im talking about, ive reared 3 fabulous women.
Saying someone must be SEN etc cos they dont feel able is disgusting.
Shameful.
Some people just dont like being called out on their rudeness but there it is.

I agree. Stunned at the rock-bottom expectations some parents have of their teens.

I’m beginning to think this is a very needy dog! Until recently I had two, and if I was to go away for a couple nights or more there would be no question that any DC staying at home would take care of them. I mean it’s what - two maybe three walks a day, feeding and let them out in the garden? How hard is that? Does the dog need constant attention or something? My DS (21), who doesn’t live at home, happily comes to stay and looks after the pets (we have cats too) and has done so since he was 18. He’ll also do some household chores (he weeded the whole garden, cleaned the windows etc two weeks ago when I went to collect DD from uni). He took the time off work but it doesn’t sound like your child is working that much anyway. Most people manage all that while working full time, and asking a 17 year old to step up for a few days shouid be a given.
The holiday funding - not sure how many 17 year olds could pay for that themselves (presumably they are in school, even if working part time), though a contribution from them would be good. But I would be pretty miffed if they couldn’t do what is a fairly easy ask and is what being part of a family means.
By the way I use Trusted Housesitters too and would highly recommend them.

I agree. And ‘blackmail’ is very much how I view it. That and manipulation. I just don’t see it as a reasonable way to interact with other human beings, let alone our own family members.

First response has it, as usual.

YANBU in expecting help, but I wouldn't insist or rely on someone to take care of my pet if they were doing so unwillingly.

In my area there are people who offer to board dogs in their own home so it's more like a home-from-home experience and not like kennels. Might be worth you checking if there are recommendations for anything similar in your area and at least you know your dog will be properly cared for in your absence.

I wouldn't leave them in charge of the dog now as I wouldn't trust them. Only you know whether that's true for you though.
I would also tell them that you have no intention of funding their trip as you're spending the money on kennels.
At that age they should be contributing as part of the family not just taking and giving nothing back. You even offered to take them with you, so it's particularly selfish of them to refuse to help out with the dog.

Clearly you both missed the bit about op usually getting a sitter but they won't come if there's a bone idle entitled teen in the house.

Then tell your DS to find somewhere else to stay while you're away and get someone in to look after the dog. At 17 he can surely look after himself for a week or so.

Yep. You're not doing them any favours by letting them think they can just get stuff from you all the time but do nothing in return to help out the family

It's no wonder there's so many entitled, incapable young adults out there.

I’m with you on this one. Did they choose to get a dog or were they forced into having this responsibility? My husband and I chose to get a dog, my daughter wasn’t part of that choice. If we went away, I believe it would be unreasonable for us to insist her life is interrupted to look after the dog. She is not spoiled, she pulls her weight around the house with cooking and cleaning and stuff, she will always step in to help if asked.

Not being able to work overtime is important here. He needs to be able to do that. Linking paying for his holiday to looking after the dog is an immature and petty thing to do. You either want to fund his holiday or you don’t.

Also nice to see the “cut your kid off at 18” crowd are out in force. I do feel sorry that so many adults didn’t have parents they could rely on and it’s led to lifelong bitterness for those who do.

I didn't miss it, I just don't agree with blackmail and going back on something that you have already promised because you didn't get your way.

And if the teen is bone idle, who is to blame for that?

This.” Oh, right, you won’t dog sit and well have to use kennels…want a shame then, we won’t be able to find your trip now”