Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

I always hate when people bring children into the usual dog discussions on here, but I’m going to be a total hypocrite to do it anyway😅 What if this was a younger sibling and not a dog? I don’t mean a young child (that pretty much goes without saying), but maybe a 14 or 15 year old who needed an eye kept on them? I can pretty much guarantee everyone on here would be chomping at the bit to point out that it isn’t a teenager’s responsibility to watch over a younger sibling. That the parents are ultimately responsible for putting appropriate arrangements in place. That scenario may in fact be a lot less hassle for the teenager, than looking after a dog!

I disagree.

If you want to make it a condition of paying for the holiday (assuming the child will be over 18 by the holiday). Then you should communicate that with them before firming it down as a natural consequence of choosing not to look after the dog.

Good communication is what you want here really and it’s an opportunity to teach compromise.

Can they be trusted to look after her me thinks she will not be fed properly or walked as they will be out. If it were my dog I certainly wouldn’t use kennels especially as you say she has never been in one. Do you know of any reputable dog sitters ? Oh and they can fund their own holidays seeing as they are working and earning extra income from overtime!

Does your teen know a sitter wouldn't come? If not I'd tell them you're getting one and they'll be sharing the house.
Saying that if they're so reluctant I'd be worried they wouldn't take care of the dog properly. I definitely would not be paying for their holiday, or anything else for that matter going forward.
I'm going away for a couple of nights with a friend shortly and my 17 year old will most definitely be looking after the cat, it's not negotiable. He's knows where his bread is buttered though is happy to do it.

I would find a good dog sitter to send it to for the week. Then inform your teen that their trip money has had to pay for the dog sitter. Then refuse to change plans, send to dog sitter and stand firm on not paying for trip. It’s very likely if they have the dog it will be begrudgingly and they won’t look after it properly.

Someone I knew in a previous workplace had a teen that had a party when they went away. The dog ate something during/after party, cue emergency that couldn’t really be dealt with by a teen, parents in different timezone having to ring around friends to organise emergency trip and payment for whatever required. Dog died while parents flying back just after start of holiday. Teen claimed no idea what had happened, which may have been true, but something did. Obviously dog ingested some drug left laying around by a partygoer (or maybe gave it to dog without teen knowing thinking it was funny?). I wouldn’t risk it. Dog sitter.

Impact her social life for a whole week FFS !

This is how we get men sitting round at the bbq drinking while their partners rush round after the kids. They feel absolutely no responsibility to do something they have not been directly asked to do or if someone else will do it. If they do anything it’s ‘helping’ not ‘being a parent’

The dog is a living thing which lives in your child’s house. I wouldn’t even ask my child if they’ll look after them, it’s a given. You’re in the house, you feed/walk the dog. It may not be HIS dog but it’s completely illogical to send it to kennels when there is a functioning almost adult in the house. My 6 year old knows the cats need feeding in the morning, I think a 17 year old can manage it. If the teen is not particularly friendly with the dog I might offer a little payment as you aren’t having to get a sitter like you usually would.

The only caveat would be if their working hours mean the dog will be alone a lot. Then I would get one of those sitters that pops in a couple of times.

i agree it’s mean spirited to hold the holiday over them if that’s already been agreed. But id basically say if you want to use kennels/sitter purely for your convenience then you (the teen) pay for it

If you can be sure the selfish sod won't neglect the dog, I would make this a non-negotiable. Be firm, a lesson needs to be learned here. Do not fund that holiday.

Maybe I’m overthinking this - although I agree with previous posters that the trip they want doesn’t get funded unless they care for DDog, I’d also worry that they wouldn’t take good care of DDog - such as going out with friends and not walking DDog and assuming/ hoping DDog would be ok, since they weren’t keen to look after DDog anyway. BUT, you know your DC best and whether they would take it serious or not be the best care if they were pushed into looking after DDog.

My first thought was non live-in dog sitter to handle food and walks (deducted from ski trip fund perhaps)

But then the question is, If teen can't be trusted to look after the dog properly, can teen be trusted to look after the house properly when home alone?

I was living in a shared rented flat at 16 and married at 17.
Dd has friends who had their own flat, a partner and children at 17.

Dd (who is only a few years older was in a management position in charge of 80 staff and managing large events at 17

The infantilising of these young adults needs to stop.
I work with young people and was talking to someone who is in their 2nd year at uni.

Even they can’t quite believe how immature these people are. She recalled telling one guy to bin some stuff that was not needed. He asked her what a bin was.
The thing is that I can quite believe he wasn’t joking. I have told a group of them what they need to do, nothing complicated or taxing and they look at you and never has the saying “the lights are on but there is no one home” been more apt. It is the vacant look they have.
Even the simplest task needs explaining and little words are needed and you have to show them multiple times how to do something.

If these are the bright young things of tomorrow who aren’t capable of looking after themselves for one night on their own then the future is Screwed

They’ll be going out and your dog will be by itself. Depending on how old your dog is I’d go for a kennels with walks and a field. If your dog is older then get a pet sitter for the day and tell your 17year old to look after their dog at night.

I'd feel like I'd completely failed as a parent if my almost adult child couldn't do this.

Why do you think a 17 year isn't capable of looking after a dog?

Oh you do not want to know what would make me feel that.
Im to nice to say.
Clearly you are not.

Say what you feel by all means.

Read it again, what I said was she would miss out on social events and it would impact her life. My DD also has a summer job and other responsibilities but thanks for your judgement 🙄

You are assuming that these 17 years olds have been able to spend 5 years looking after themselves.

They don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying...means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)

Incredible. I have two DDs (not yet teenagers) who proactively engage in all aspects of our dog's lives. This morning they have walked three dogs by themselves, fed those three dogs, and then helped me socialise 11 puppies.

So your nearly 18 year old is a lazy git and needs to get a grip. That being said, they've shown you how little they care for the dog (basically they want to socialise more than care for the dog) and I wouldn't trust them with the dog now.

So it would be no holiday for the DC, and no going away (at this point - I'd wait for a sitter).

Use one of the Home from Home agencies. Your dog will go and live with another family while you're away and be treated as their family pet for the duration. That was the only option I'd ever consider when we had our dog.

Given this update, I’d be telling DC their options are:- look after ddog (properly) or move out to a friends for the duration so you can have your usual & responsible dog/house sitters in. (Cost of which will be deducted from your contribution to their ski trip)

maybe I would expect my dd to put herself out for once to help me. You said one week of going without social events would impact her life heaven help us !

Those parents who think it is quite normal for a 17year old to not be able to look after themselves over night

I presume they are not going away to university or are capable of holding down a job without you doing laundry for them, getting them up in the morning and ferrying them to and from work

At what age do you think that they will be self sufficient and not have any parental input

Not the same thing at all, but people dont want to see that,
Ive not done laundry for my dds since they were about 14 id say, unless it was an emergency. Same with getting them up. Driving them to work? Dont be rediculous, of course thats necessary sometimes if no public transport etc .
People can do things at different stages of life. Its called growing up.
I do not get how people think its all or nothing with our young people.