Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

Do please tell OP and the rest of us where she went wrong with her 'sowing'.

I think she was referring to me and my non dog walking teen. In his defence he did pick rookiedog up from the sitters and us from the airport, and ddog seemed much less put out than I had imagined by the lack of morning walk.
So yes he isn’t perfect as some of these teens appear to be, but he’s not the devil incarnate and nor is OPs. Their brains aren’t fully formed until aged 25 !

I don't have a dog😂 Though we have loads of goats and other pets.
It's about sharing responsibilities to support each other. This attitude of 'well that's not my respobsibilty' 'I don't have to do it' 'why should I put myself out I didn't cause the issue' 'you did it you sort it' together with entitlement and 'I know my rights' is so tiresome and counterproductive. Of course he doesn't have to look after the dog to facilitate a break for his parents, just as his parents don't have to house him in months time, he doesn't have to adjust anything in his life to meet this ask of his parents, just like his parents don't have to pay for his ski holiday. See how it works.

What a knob head. Hope you get someone to look after your lovely girl and tell him he should be taking all the overtime he can get cos he needs to fund his holiday.

If the offspring wants to work, then they should be able to. UNLESS they wanted the dog originally, in which case, they need to learn that if you want a pet, you need to be responsible too.

But would you tell your spouse that they couldn't do overtime because they had to look after a dog? Somehow I think not.

I wouldn't pay for a ski-ing holiday anyway as they are so environmentally damaging. If my ds wanted to go ski-ing he could definitely earn the money himself.

The issue is that the teen agreed to look after the dog, parents booked the holiday and then he said he wasn't going to do it.

Also, he never does overtime, though he'll probably have to now as the parents are no longer willing to pay for his holiday.

He’s completely ignoring us and has gone to hide at his GF’s. I’ve cancelled his flights to a weekend away to a sporting event. Probably a bit spiteful - but I completely lost my temper.

Good for you, he's being a selfish shit expecting all the good bits of family life whilst opting out of the give part of give and take.

Is there any reason he can’t stay at his gfs while you’re away allowing you to get a dog sitter?

I see - it was an entirely hypothetical dog. When your goats need walking, let me know.

(And as if caring for a dog and housing a child were in any way commensurate).

How it works is this: if you as an adult decide to get whatever menagerie of animals you choose, their care, when you take a holiday, is your responsibility. If one of your kids has availability and inclination to do it, great, if not, find someone else.

@Mirabai- no reason. He’ll be doing that when we go now as we have no option but to find a live in dog sitter. I’m scrambling to find one in the next month - we normally do it MONTHS in advance. Plus there is all the prep to get the house ready for sitters, which I hadn’t planned for. Heaven forbid his routine gets interrupted - now mine and DH has been completely turned upside down. Let alone Ddog !

Not wanting to look after your dog is normal behaviour at his age. I guess he doesn't want to just keep arguing so he's gone elsewhere, which is actually a good way to deal with it rather than everyone losing their temper.

Meantime, you are quite within your rights not to pay for holidays etc. as he is an adult now.

You should make it clear to him that funding these things is considered transactional by you and he must toe the line if he wants such things to be paid for, as up until now he may have just assumed you were doing it out of kindness and good will.

That is mean, he's a teenager for goodness sakes±! If it came to it he probably would look after the dog but can dog not go into kennels while you're away?

@LBFseBrom kennels would be highly stressful and unpleasant for a dog who has never been and is used to normal family life, they are essentially locked in a large cage for a large portion of the time.

aww what a lil cutie, I hope you find a sitter soon who loves dogs. I agree kennels is traumatic for dogs, they think they’ve been abandoned by their family & left in a cage. I wouldn’t trust your immature, selfish son to look after her properly, be around to feed her , change her water etc.

Going against the grain but for one person that’s incredibly restrictive having to look after dog full time
he’ll be tied unable to go out for any great length of time and have to be back for dog

I can see why he’s pissed off

@NormalSunday This is all very dramatic OP, a month is ample time to find a sitter. How much ‘prep’ does your house actually need?

Does he know you have cancelled his trip? It really isn’t asking much to look after DDOG for one bloody weekend.

I believe the trip is for longer than a weekend. I had it in my head it was a week, but I don’t think OP has stated the duration. If it’s a fortnight then that’s a long time for solo dog care.

He agreed to do it. Then changed his mind.

@Mirabai

no sorry he’s an adult living in the house so he has to contribute to running the household, or he can leave. Go to uni or live in a houseshare or whatever.

It's a week. It's not like they're leaving for a 6 month sabbatical

He’s actually technically still a minor at 17 and presumably still in education.

Dog walking does not constitute the running of the household, it’s an optimal extra for the homeowners.

I know this is a joke, but actually - does your child like the dog? Do you treat the dog like a favourite child? Is the dog spoilt in terms of being poorly trained, having no recall, not being properly house trained, having an overly complicated time consuming routine etc.

My parents very clearly prefer their dog to their children and grandchildren and probably one another, and genuinely would not only save the dog from a burning building before any human family members but stop and have a long conversation with it in baby language and make sure all it's toys were saved too, before calling the fire brigade... If you're a bit that way too perhaps your child isn't being as unreasonable as MN will undoubtedly declare.

On the other hand dog sitting in return for paying for a holiday seems reasonable - we pay if our young adult kids come with us on holiday and paid for school and college trips linked to their courses but not for their holidays without us with friends/ solo/ with partner etc. and I think that's fairly standard.

This is the definition of petty and vindictive.