Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

My kids look after the bloody farm if we go away. It’s small but still.

So sad. You have to kennel Ddog
thus no money for DD trip. Tis a shame.

So whilst I dont think its unreasonable for a 17yr old not to want to look after your dog, I can completely understand why you would be annoyed with the offer being retracted.

Maybe DS offered and hadn't really thought about the responsibility properly. The thing is, you wouldnt begrudge your DS for not wanting to be responsible for a younger teen sibling, so not really sure why a dog would be different when they level of commitment is (almost) comparable in terms of company, stimulation, exercise, food, etc.

Why is your DC not looking after the dog such a big issue that it stops you going on holiday? Is it really the inconvenience of them changing their mind and having to make other arrangements that you're not comfortable with or are you annoyed that your DC may not care about the dog as much as you?

Can book a dog walker for at least once a day, and a house dog sitter whilst he goes away? DS should probably fund this since they have changed their mind about it.

Unless your DS has form for thid on a regular basis, then I don't get what you're going to achieve by cancelling their tickets for an event in 2 weeks time (unless this is when you're going away) AND cancelling the ski holiday that you decided to fund later in the year.

I know some people find it astounding that you are still funding your DS holidays, but that seems to be something that you're happy to do and actually a lot of parents do this even for adult DC in later years in different ways (help with mortgage deposits, childcare, etc)

it's not selfish at all. You were already doing a lot while they were away! honestly some people on this thread have forgotten what it's like to be that age. Dogs that need 2 long walks a day (in this heat!!) so probably at 6 am and 9pm!!! is a huge responsibility and too much for a busy teenager.

Teenager refusing from the start - just about understandable. Teenager going back on a promise - consequences he will not like.

Looks like my little girl! In a bloody heartbeat! I don’t think you’ll struggle.

I imagine your teen will struggle with a house sitter there though- that’ll cramp their style. Could you get a dog walker and the teen just feeds and waters the dog?

Your teen is very selfish and I’d be remembering this day going forward any time they wanted a favour or indeed cash from me.

The money can either pay for their trip or the dogs kennels they get to choose which it is .
BUT will they even look after the dog properly? Are they going to feed and water everyday and let them out to toilet regularly? That's also something to consider

@NormalSunday well done! I think it’s the fact he’s pulled back on a promise that would wind me up the most and I’m imagining he isn’t overwhelmed with other tasks and you aren’t going away for weeks. Whining about missing out on social life and overtime he never does is ridiculous. I think it’s the fact that dog care becomes much harder with him there is also the kicker, have you told him that his decision is making it impossible for you given your understandable decision not to kennel your dog. I know they’re self absorbed at this age but 😠😤

That’s how your family works. The whole world does not revolve around your desire to have a dog. Your dog your responsibility.

This should have been in the OP. It makes a difference to your frustration that he previously agreed, but it doesn’t make a difference to the fact he now needs to stay with a friend while you organise a sitter. (No need for it to be family). You’ve still got plenty of time to organise a sitter.

This is a very measured post.

Some people seem to think it’s utterly ridiculous that DPs should pay for their DCs holidays at all, and even if the DS worked all the overtime in the world , he is still unlikely to raise enough for a ski trip, and that seems to be getting confabulated into the whole situation.

Teens are notorious for snap decisions and being selfish, he is unlikely to have worked out any connection between his ski trip later in the year and dog sitting now, so pointing this out in a calm way may help.

For now I would focus on getting a sitter in place, if this means DS needs to crash at his mates for a few days, then so be it.

Tell them you’ll knock the cost of dog boarding off what you’d pay for their trip. Make them see the money they’re expecting you to pay out!

If you trust them with the dog great, but I’m paying for dog boarding as I can’t trust my 19 year old to look after her properly. There’s no way he’d get up to walk her before work .. I’d be concerned he even forget to let her out for a wee before he set off. He barely gets up in time for work. If he wasn’t working I’d probably trust him, but not alongside work.
I’d rather know she’s ok than worry he’s neglecting her.

I'd find a dog sitter, friend, family member, work colleague maybe, who can take her to theirs and just calmly and quietly cancel DSs holiday. Tell him that you are no longer willing to fund it because he is selfish and entitled and couldn't even be bothered to care for his own dog for, what? A week? Better start taking up that overtime, boy.

Oh the other option is make son stay with family and get a house sitter for your dog - your much more likely to find availability for someone to say at your house. That’s the issue we had, no one will stay with a teenage boy in the house… but you can ship him out to family.

@PissedOff2020

family probably don’t want him staying with them, he’s hardly sounding great

We’ve started looking for house sitters, told him if he won’t look after Ddog then he needs to stay with his GF / mates and that’s for him to sort. He’s currently ignoring us.

This was the conclusion I came to. DS needs to stay at a mate's house while you're away.

If he has a key - and I assume he does - you'll probably need to take it away from him. The sitters cant be expected to deal with trying to keep him out.

Is he in college? What are his plans for his future? You might need to threaten that if he pesters the sitters he can leave for good.

This !!!
and get doggy cams installed to make sure it’s looked after properly & your kid doesn’t have parties

Cancel that holiday of his NOW. He’s far too old not to understand consequences and that being caring and helpful is a reciprocal situation, you are doing him an enormous favour by putting your foot down.

My DC don’t get the choice! Living in my house then look after the dogs while im away!

It's very normal teen behaviour to just want to be out and about and seeing friends, doing their own thing and not stuck looking after a dog. I wouldn't assign any particular moral or ethical stance to it, he's just being a normal 18 year old.

You will have to deal with the practicalities of your dog without his help.

You could very definitely get a dog walker to come around and deal with the dog, whether he's there or not. Put up cameras and explain you're doing it to make sure the dog sitter does their job, that will put paid to any parties etc they may be planning.

Your teen is being a bit of an asshole, and I’d tell them that. It’d be a nice thing for them to do, and it’s only a week or two.

however given their attitude, I wouldn’t trust them to give proper care to ddog anyway, so would advise you use a dog home boarder. (Not kennels as this would be extremely stressful for a dog that’s never been) use Facebook to find recommendations and check the boarder is licensed and insured.

tell your son he can pay for his own ski trip.

Hah yes this happened when our flight back got delayed by a day. Thankfully DS19 was able to pick up ddog to avoid another 24 hrs fees, but when he picked us up from the airport at midday, he explained that ddog might need a walk as he hadn’t taken him up, despite us phoning him about 2 hrs earlier to check he was awake. We didn’t specifically say ddog needed a walk, but really . He had at least let him into the garden for his ablutions.

And here ladies and gentlemen is an example of ‘you reap what you sow’