Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

No, those are the consequences of going back on an agreement

Apologies if I missed it, @NormalSunday but how long are you away for?

a camping trip can be rearranged for when you’re back, the ddog takes precedence!

Yanbu at all. Bravo for cancelling his flights and tickets. He needs a wake up call.

Just seen this.

ffs. A week out of a 17yo life in exchange for a holiday (and sporting event tickets and flight) is nothing.

@TabbyCatInAPoolofSunshine

yeah you are so right, Op should just suck up his selfishness , and fork out for the holiday regardless! Who cares if he’s going back on his word?? Op should just give him a break and give him money.

He will grow into a great human being and lovely member of society with lots of integrity if Op takes this approach 👍

Oh well now you know that you'll have to find a proper solution for your dog care going forward when you go on holiday 🤷‍♀️ it's a LOT for one young adult to cope with. We all know a dog shouldn't be left all day alone and in this heat/expected future temperatures that's a lot to expect your 18 yo to set an alarm for 6/7am every day to walk the dog before it gets too hot. What would you do if your dog needed vet care while you were away? Would your dog bark and howl for hours when your DS wants to go out/go to work etc? My neighbours dog does this a bit and it drives me crazy in this weather when we have every door and window open. Dogs are not cats and are a HUGE hassle to care for when owners go away. This is mostly why i dont have one as they are a tie and a huge commitment. You need to start building up other friends/professionals who will look after your dog in the future. I'll probably stop fostering cats when both my DC are at uni/have left home for this reason. Things change when DC approach/reach adulthood. Find a friend who also has a dog and set something else up.

Apart from any debatable things you've said, I think it's cooler in Australia than here at the moment.

it's a LOT for one young adult to cope with

He's a nearly 18 year old young man, not a helpless kitten.

Caring for a dog for a week or so really isn't that onerous, I was doing it at much younger than this lad and I was absolutely fine. I seriously doubt he'll come to any harm from looking after the family dog while his parents go on their trip.

I guess I missed the part where the OP was in Australia 🤷‍♀️ I left my DS, 17, alone for 2 days this weekend and he was in charge of our 5 foster kittens and our own 2 adult cats. He did a great job for 48 but I would never expect him to look after a family dog alone for a whole holiday. As soon as we got back we had to mend the mesh on a gate as our DS and his mates had kicked a football into it and damaged it meaning our blind cat could have have escaped from the garden. There's always some issue when we go away for 1 or 2 nights so I'd never expect my DS to provide the level of care for a dog that a professional or friend with their own dog could provide for a proper holiday.

You have a menagerie. This is 1 adult dog. OP’s son should be able to manage its care. There are young people his age who are parenting humans and managing independently!

No, she's not "absolutely awful". By the age of the OP'S son, my mother had been running a house for her coal miner dad (who worked night shifts) and caring for her 9 years younger brother for FOUR years following the death of her mother.

I was brought up to understand that once I was a teenager, I'd be expected to increasingly contribute to the household and family. Caring for the family pet for a week is not a major demand or burden.

She’s not. He’s an ungrateful toad. I imagine if he has said ok mum, sorry I’ll do it then everything would be fine.

@Doteycat

how is she acting awfully? Are you saying that you would be paying for your adults child’s holiday after they have so selfishly let you down? Really??

Did you miss the part where he agreed to look after dog and then pulled out at the last minute so putting the holiday in danger of being cancelled if they can’t get a last minute dog sitter who are usually booked months before hand.

Lesson here is if you commit to something then flake at the last moment then be prepared for massive fallout if it makes huge work and expense for others. Dont expect the “payment “ if you aren’t prepared to do the work

@NormalSunday Where in Australia? I might be able to help if in Sydney..

Looking after your family dog for a week or two, who you love, and want to keep safe, should not be a terrible chore.

It’s not like dog sitting someone else’s dog. It’s just part of life when you live at home. If you aren’t going to do that, frankly, move out.

If she lives in your house she does the jobs you give her. But more importantly can you trust her to do a decent job when she sounds like a selfish lazy entitled brat? I'd rather send mine to a neighbour.

Stand firm OP. He really really needs a lesson here. Selfish horror. 💐

Oh and ignore the obvious 'goaders'. They might aswell have tattoos on their forehead.

I’m completely standing firm on this

By our own admission they are spoiled and it’s coming home to roost

How many are spoiled? I thought it was just one, your son, who was being unco-operative.

He is an only child

At 16, I was looking after a dog, several cats and two horses (twice daily visits to the stables 3 miles away, I cycled there and back) whilst my parents went on holiday for a fortnight.

I didn’t expect anything in return, because we all had responsibility for looking after our animals.

At least you’ve realised while you’re still in a position to set some expectations. Imagine if you’d just funded his majesties holidays and college and done his washing with no expectation of even common courtesy in return until he was 25 and he was hard to employ, undateable and not dad or husband material (unfortunately of course many perfectly nice young women find it hard to recognise undateable so do get stuck with a baby and manchild and are utterly miserable, but that’s not a happy story for your prince either)