Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

A 17yr old is very nearly an adult! I’d expect teens to be helping out in the house anyway, including washing, cooking and some dog walking and feeding. He/she sounds immature and totally self-centred.

Also, if they’re working, why aren’t they contributing towards their ski trip? This almost adult sounds spoilt and entitled.

That’s when a Ring video doorbell comes in handy. You can ensure they take the dog for a walk 😀

Isn't it the DS family pet too? Tell them tough they need to step up!

The op said he works part time and doesn't do overtime so that's not relevant at all. I'm sure if he was working long hours she would have made arrangements for someone to come to the house while he was at work

Huh? I was asking a pp why they wouldn't look after their family dog.

Completely agree.
Very bratty.
Big reality check required.
I would be so seriously unimpressed.

Depressing how low some of you have the bar for teenagers/young adults

@MzHz

no skiing holiday as you’ve just spent that money on the house/pet sitter.

This would be the money that was ear marked for the pet sitter anyway?
Put that together with the money that they are saving by the DC not going its a net profit for the OP.

Removing the money for a promised holiday due to not doing what you are being told is petty and controlling ignoring the blackmail element.

I’ve spent ages thinking what the hell is a Ddog. (I’m quite new to mumsnet) I presume Ddog is dear/darling dog not some dog breed I didn’t know off?!
Anyway I wouldn’t trust my 17 nearly 18 year old son to look after a toy dog let alone one that needs food, water, toilet and walks!

It’s a family dog, how on earth do you know that he didn’t ask for a dog?? Plenty of kids want a dog and then get fed up with looking after it.

My parents got their first dog when I was 8, I am now 35 and have never picked up a dog poo in my life. So that’s the first spanner in the works, can’t really look after a dog without picking up its poo. Sounds like you assumed I wish it dead - nope, just not willing to provide its care. Ticks, slobber, hair, just one big giant No Thanks. Don’t really care if you approve or not 😆

Put the dog in kennels, take the cost off whatever you were going to give them for their holiday.
Then tell your child he needs to go and stay with grandparent's/aunt/uncle while you are away as he doesn't want the responsibility of being a grown up in the home. Don't contribute... dont get options.

I'd also be setting out clear expectations of what they have to do to earn the remainder of their holiday budget

I think your teen is keen to have a party!!

Do they do much day to day with the dog? Walks etc? I honestly don't think it's that unreasonable to expect them to look after it at almost 18.

Definitely don't contribute to the holiday if they are unwilling. If the overtime was a genuine concern I'd potentially look at covering that deficit but doesn't sound like it is that genuine a concern.

I'd be tempted, as a plan B, doing a dog friendly hotel or luxury cabin and a nice pub/restaurant that will allow your dog to come along. Might not be what you had in mind but at least you'd get to celebrate. I think you will return to post party scenes though 😅

^^ This is a good idea about making the teen stay at a relatives’ or friends’ house. It sounds like they’re too irresponsible and lazy to look after a house properly anyway. Also, it would put paid to any party plans!

Every pound you spend on kennels is taken out of dd trip budget

So one detail I left out is that the holiday is booked, and we go next month. (I didn’t want a roasting for going on holiday without our teen, which has happened in another thread) He’d previously agreed to care to our dog and is now saying he can’t / won’t. It’s too much ‘extra responsibility’ for him, he’s got too much going on. I am absolutely furious. We don’t have family that he or the dog can stay with. I’m so angry at myself for letting it get to this situation.

If he has previously agreed, that is different.
I would sit down and try to have a calm
conversation about what aspects of the care have caused him to change his mind.
If it’s possible to supplement with additional dog walking or the odd evening sitter, there may be a compromise. Or another option is dog isn’t quite as well looked after as normal- so if he is concerned he can’t go out on the evening, then for majority of dogs they should be ok for one evening.

I will get roasted for this, but if his key concern is that he can’t sign up for extra shifts, I would offer some financial recompense for that.

Then he needs to stay somewhere else so you can get a dog sitter. And I would not be funding his holiday at all.

Just tell him NOW if your holiday is canceled because he’s selfish and lazy, then so is his holiday cancelled, because you can use those funds now you’ve blown money on a holiday.

Have you explained that you won’t be paying for his holiday if he doesn’t look after DDOG?

I don't know if you saw my previous post but there are companies here who will do feeding and walks without living in. They also send daily updates including videos. Cheaper than kennels, the dog would be looked after properly and have your son's company whe he is at home.

If he is anticipating parties that might change his mind thinking you would get feedback on the state of the house.

I think this is all reasonable.

OP - really don’t see why anyone would roast you. It is your anniversary after all.

@grumpygrapehe can’t even guarantee he’ll be home at night. Saying he now has a weekend away camping with mates. She can’t be left overnight alone. I’m absolutely furious with him.

Can you look for a pet sitter that offers boarding? Otherwise I think you need to put the dog in kennels sadly. You can tell your ds that you’re exploring accommodation for the dog but that given that he has gone back on his agreement to care for the dog and you will either be out of pocket or cancelling an important anniversary trip, you will no longer be funding his holiday.

Definitely a paid feeder walker then so you can relax.
Sorry, edited as I just saw you say she can't be left overnight.
Perhaps he can camp all the time you are away so you can get the house/dog sitter in. He is going back on his word and being awkward without taking any responsibility for thd consequences of his actions.