Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

Why should they pay out for a kennel when they have someone in the home that is perfectly capable of looking after it. Living in a home that has been provided for them and expecting a holiday to be funded next year. It’s called “paying your way”.

I actually sort of think yabu a bit, sorry! Only because I’m wondering what would you have done if he had wanted to come with you? Surely you would have had to use kennels then? Dogs are tying, it’s why I don’t have one, and it does seem a little unfair to expect a busy teenager to be stuck home with the dog. I’m guessing as a kid he wasn’t the one who made the decision to get the dog. Ultimately it was your responsibility to plan for eventualities like this.
Look, I do sympathise though. How long are you away? As a compromise would he agree to it if a dog walker came every day and took the dog out for a few hours.
No problem with diplomatically saying to him that if you have to pay for kennelling you won’t be funding his trip…..However that argument falls a bit flat if you would have kennelled him anyway if son came with you….

Seriously? 🤣

I think everyone should just be responsible for themselves. So you arrange care/kennels for your dog and your dc pays for their own holidays . Make it simple and then there’s no expectations or resentment.

So a 17 year old can drive a car or could even have a baby but can’t look after a dog for a week? That makes sense!

I actually sort of think yabu a bit, sorry! Only because I’m wondering what would you have done if he had wanted to come with you?

But that's not the situation here??

YANBU, although my nearly 18 year old would be similar.

Can you compromise and say that they would be the primary carer but you can arrange other walkers etc. to be on hand if they want to work overtime?

I would tell them that it was expected of them. If they were not willing to do it - then you will not be willing to fund or support them in things. The family is a team and your teen sounds lazy and entitled. Make it very clear that if they don't help out you won;t be funding their holidays. Fido should not have to go to kennels in this circs.

This may be an odd question but is it a family dog or a dog that also happened to live with your DD?

If she normally helps out with dog for walks, feeding etc then yes she should help. If she doesn't normally bother with the dog at all (no care responsibilities) then I don't see why she should have to.

If you've already agreed to pay for the holiday and this wasn't and terms of it, taking that back over a dog is quite selfish.

I wouldn't insist that they care for the dog, as I'd be concerned on welfare grounds. But I would be withdrawing the offer of holiday funding - they can fund it themselves from the overtime they've cited as a reason why they can't.

Agree about not finding the trip.

The money will go towards kennels so he can do the overtime to fund his trip!

Do you have to go away, OP? Can’t you just stay home to look after the dog so you’re not inconveniencing your teen in any way? (Obviously still pay for thier holiday though)

Because at that ages teenagers tend to be out of the house a lot, my daughter for example is the same age, just turned 18. She works long days starting from 9.30 in the morning to after 6pm a night. She can manage our cats who just need feeding and the cat flap opening but it would be impossible for her to look after a dog with as much care as the dog would need.

Teenagers don't seem to be able to win, we tell them to get jobs but those jobs aren't guaranteed to have flexible working so they can look after the pet dog..

I wouldn't be paying for or towards his snow holiday without him looking after your dog properly. The only 'bone' I would throw him is perhaps a dog walker taking him out for him once a day if you can find one.

Deduct the cost of the kennels from their holiday fund. They can make up the difference by working the overtime they can’t miss by looking after the dog.

tbh I’d be cutting back the amount of financial help you provide them if they’ve got a pt job. My nearly 18 yr old is at college and has a pt job, she has a holiday booked with friends, and we’ve agreed that we’ll pay 1/3 but she finds the rest herself

I'd organise a dog walker for one hour every day, for Ddog not to help DC.
DC could look after Ddog the rest of the week.

@NormalSunday would you trust them to look after the dog properly if they have this attitude? Probably would be better off in a kennels.

My son (now 18) looks after our dog (and cat) whenever we go away.
Last year we went away to SE Asia for 10 days.
He took himself off to his grandparents with the dog for 5 days of the time (mainly to get fed well!) and the rest he stayed at home and looked after the dog himself.
When I was a teenager (his age) I had two dogs and horses to look after whenever my parents went away.
Your child is being v unreasonable not to look after the dog. If they refuse then no money for their holiday I'm afraid.
Arrange a dog walker for the days that include school/college.

Yes this - and if they don't look after the dog PROPERLY - then no monies for their damn trip either.

Definitely. Although I think I’d stress that they weren’t going to look after it properly after all this

If the agency won't housesit if he is there, and that's fair enough, then tell him he has 2 choices. He either looks after the dog, or he moves out while you are away sot that the housesitter can stay there.

I wouldn’t be looking after anyone’s dog and I am a lot older than 17 - can drive a car and everything!

No way am I cleaning up dog shit.

Presumably the parents chose to get the dog. It’s unfair to expect a child to look after a pet they didn’t choose. Helping out around the house, fair enough, but the pet should be solely the responsibility of the people who chose to get it.

I"m a bit on the fence with this one. I have always loved our family dogs and would have made sure they were 100% looked after as it was me who pestered for one for years. My DSis on the other hand, wasn't too bothered and would care out of duty. Once when we were young adults, and our parents were away, I had left home, she hadn't, so she had the main responsibility for the family DDog. I went out for a few drinks on weekend and saw her out with her friends. Thinking 'my baby' had been left home alone while she partied, caused the mother of all rows. Next thing, Ddog arrives at my house in a taxi. Alone. Good job I was home by then! I was always the 'dog lover' of the family, and it doesn't matter how much a parent loves the family dog, there's no saying the kids will relate to that. Most kids, unless particularly 'animalified' like me, HATE walking the dog and would do anything but tha,t if they could choose. So I wouldn't leave Ddog with the Dkids - up to you though - you know your kids!

Teen can move out while you are away so that you can get dog sitters as usual - and you dont fund the ski trip. I'm sure there is a friend who would take them in.....

I'd guess they are worried that their house party cant go ahead with the dog around.

I don’t get why a dog sitter can’t still look after the dog and have nothing to do with the teen?

You’d be mad to cancel your holiday but I agree - if your DC doesn’t look after the dog, you won’t pay for their holiday. It’s a very fair deal!!! Let us know what they say :)