Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

Wow
My adult kids are now having to deal with people who were reared by people like you, who have no kindness, no empathy, beleive everything is transactional and have a deep bitterness against those who were reared in much kinder homes. Its quite sad to see but oh so obvious.

How long are you going away for?

I probably wouldn't ask if it was more than a long weekend & they have other commitments & aren't used to looking after the dog.

I’m worried about DDog. Spend the holiday money on a sitter.

My slightly younger teenagers are perfectly capable of looking after our dogs/cats when we go away…between the 2 of them they even work out a schedule of who’s doing what and when so they have equal chores.

Id not be putting up with that attitude from them and definitely not be funding any trips.

@NormalSunday make arrangements for Sulky Teen to go live with someone else while you are away.

If they aren't responsible enough to be alone with DDog then they aren't responsible enough to be left alone in the house while you aren't there 😉

The absolute cheek of them!

How is the op's son being kind or empathetic by refusing to look after the family pet?

Pay for a dog walker and tell the child it’s coming out of their snow fund

I don’t think it’s right to suddenly withdraw the promised trip because they now won’t look after the dog. Was the trip always contingent on dog sitting? If it was, then fair enough. If it wasnt, you’re just lashing out and using it as punishment.

I also don’t think it’s strange to pay for a 17 year old’s holiday, but if there were no parameters set around this then it’s a bit late now.

This feels to be like a longer term pattern of lack of communication and lack of expectations/responsibility given to your child.

Put the dog in kennels and communicate better going forward. It seems to me you’re being as immature as the teenager here.

I can empathise - I have asked mine to water plants and put the bin out when I have been away for 4-5 days. Neither did it.
Both over 18.
WInds me up too when I think of what I do / have done for them .

Does your teen like the dog? Our 'family dog' was always my parents' - no way would I look after it while they were on holiday! It's not kennels or nothing - you can get dog sitters who look after your dog at the sitter's house, for example.

I don't really see how dog sitting has anything to do with the teen going away in the winter - they're not stopping you going away, you have options, and presumably a lot more money than your child does if you're willing to pay for their trip. Don't really get the logic of some people suggesting you don't fund the snow trip because the kid doesn't want to look after the dog.

Not rude at all there are people who will never be able to look after themselves whether they are 17, 27 or 67

There are disabilities that would make walking a dog impossible

It’s not rude to point out that if a 17 year old isn’t in either of those categories then by the age of 17 they should be able to spend a night on their own in their family home

And how am I incorrect.

Both my dc and myself are registered disabled. At 17 I had already experienced living on my own and both dc were capable of being left for a night and looking after pets
They could have walked a dog twice per day without any issue.

Gosh how selfish and entitled your DC is being. This doesn’t pop up out of the blue, you know - spoiling happens over years. Alas, probably too late to change her attitude now, but don’t pay for any holidays either.

I didn’t say that

I was pointing out that being disabled or having an SEN can mean that someone might be physically or mentally incapable of looking after themselves but if someone doesn’t have these limitations then at 17 they need a lesson in growing up.

What hugely is going to change in a year to make them think they are going to be capable of cooking, cleaning, doing their laundry, working, being responsible for themselves and getting themselves to where they need to be on time if a 17 year old can’t be left home alone for even a night

I would be very tempted to say ' no problem I shall get the dog booked in for kennels, we were t expecting to have to pay for it as you said you were staying home with the dog, so unfortunately that does mean we won't have the funds to contribute to your holiday, but I'm sure you can pick up the extra money in your overtime'
He is an adult with a job being subsidised by mom and dad but he needs to learn give and take

I wouldn't trust the teen to look after the DDog after what they have said so even if they backtracked to take advantage of the deal to have their trip funded I would still make alternative arrangements such as a kennels.
Or can you get dog walkers/feeders who come in twice a day rather than living in the house with the dog?

I wouldn't be funding the trip. They were offered the chance to go on the anniversary trip so I don't see how that turns into "Nah, I don't want to come but you can pay for me to go skiing another time".

Are you referring to two children or one?

One - i can understand that might seem too much for them to commit to. Maybe they simply just don't want to look after the dog (i assume the family dog was purchased by you and they don't have to be responsible for it)

Why don't you just put the Dog into whatever doggy care that you would have organised if they were coming with you.

I think I’d say fine if he doesn’t want to take care of the dog but he needs to go stay with a friend so you can get a house-sitter.

If you’re paying for their holiday I would explain one of the conditions is that they take care of the dog while you are away-you offered to take them with you & they weren’t keen anyway.
my almost 18 year old has been on dog duty while I was away with my youngest over the weekend (husband was working) If your teen isn’t missing out on overtime & doesn’t want to go with you this seems totally fair. Mine cheerfully walked dog,fed,watered & picked up her little ‘gifts’ He is going on holiday abroad for 2 weeks next month so he was totally fine with this arrangement.

Find a good and reliable dog sitter/kennel and use the ‘ fund’….. short sharp shock for teenager. Welcome to the big bad world!

For me it would depend how busy there lives were at the moment, I'm assuming child has just finished yr 13? Is your child particularly lazy or something? Or do they have a job that doesn't fit around a dog and actually quite a busy life?

Realistically I don't think I would be able to ask my daughter to commit to looking after a dog as she's out of the house for work at 9.30am and not back until after 6pm, she also picks up more over time and I wouldn't want her to be turning it down as she really enjoys her summer job. She does socialise and I think that's good for her if I'm away that she has local friends.

I wouldn't connect it with the trip you have said you will pay for.

Have you actually told them that you would pay for a holiday Op?

I mean you invited them on yours & they said no.

That doesn't mean that the have to be offered an alternative does it?

If they are working I'd be expecting them to fund their own holiday as they are probably paying next to nothing to live with you.

So what else is their money for?

I think taking care of a dog is almost the equivalent of taking care of a child. Would you leave your a child in the care of your son for the week? I think you should arrange for care of the dog.

I looked after our family dog at that age. Was told, not asked. DD looked after my own families dog at that age.

If you're old enough to go to work, go on a skiing trip and vote, surely you can look after the dog YOU LIVE WITH.

Why on earth wouldn't you look after it?

Yes they are taking the piss … look after the dog otherwise forget going away next year, it’s that simple.