To expect my BIL not to arrange for my sister to spend her 50th with his family?

[Flora73]

And we’re just an afterthought with a token lunch 2 days later?

She doesn’t know about the 2 days yet but what about my Mum? It’s like we are pushed aside.

Does your sister not have ownership of her own life?

Maybe your sister has chosen that. What's wrong with a lunch?

You think it’s your BIL’s job to make plans for you on your sister’s birthday?
Why isn’t he allowed to take her out himself? If you wanted to do something you could have planned it.

You and your mum sound nuts. Lunch with your sister two days after her birthday sounds completely normal.
Do neither of you have your own lives?

She doesn’t know anything about that bit. She’s aware of the lunch.

And? She’s happy to see you two days later for lunch, so what’s the issue exactly?

Blimey! How you managed to divulge my Mother’s and my mental capacity from that post is astounding. You are a genius.

‘What are you doing for your birthday?’ said to her a week or more before her birthday would be the normal thing to ask so that you can make plans with her and her husband.

Ime you can't always win. Dil told us she had ds's big birthday covered - week end away. Then threw a fit we only posted him a card!

I’d quite like to see my own sister on her big birthday and for her not to spend it with people who are not flesh and blood.

I’ve done that, her birthday is in 3 weeks.

It’s nice that your BiL is organising something for his wife’s birthday. Lots of women have to organise their own! A lunch together is lovely it doesn’t have to be on the day. I’m going to my sisters big birthday lunch next weekend - the birthday was last week! It was the only time we could organise something with everyone. Her husband took her away on a little holiday over the actual day.

Well you could have asked her or suggested planning something. It’s completely normal for someone to spend their birthday with their spouse. Her husband is the family she’s chosen for herself.
I’m going to guess this isn’t the first time you have attempted to guilt her with the “flesh and blood” line.

Quite the opposite!! Everything we do as a family is swept under the carpet and never addressed.

And it’s not just her spouse. He has chosen to invite his sister and her husband along for the ride.

Spend it all together.

I’d love to, but he’s already made big plans for the weekend.

Then you should have arranged to see your sister with plenty of notice if it meant that much to you 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she likes them. You’re very controlling. Your sister is an adult woman and is allowed a life outside of you. She has already planned to have lunch with you two days later to celebrate.

The way you’ve responded to people on this thread, is that how you respond to your DSis and BIL in real life? Because it explains a lot.

People are being weirdly arsey with you, OP.
I think it’s odd that he’s arranged something with his own family and not included you or your mum.

So your BIL has organised a surprise birthday event for your sister but failed to invite any of her family?

Yes, that’s pretty crap of him.

Have you actually spoken to him about this?

Op completely with you on this.
Has he got form for pushing you all out?

But it doesn't seem like her family like him very much so why would he?

They have plans with one couple, his sister and her husband. Maybe they’re amazing friends and hang out all the time?
Either way he’s hardly planning a huge surprise party and inviting everyone except the OP.
OP seems to hate him anyway, although maybe she thinks he shouldn’t be there since he isn’t his wife’s flesh and blood.

She's spending it with her husband! And if you wanted her to spend her birthdat time with you, you should have got your finger out earlier and organised something.