To want to nip this in the bud ( LGBTQ views , child )

[Calmorchaos]

I’m after some advice really on how to approach this.

I have always been the type of person to support anyone to be who they are. I’ve never shied away or shielded my children from the world - very much a ‘love is love’ person and always encouraged my children to support those who need it and be inclusive ( in terms of people being bullied , disabilities etc too ) .

My youngest is going into high school ( 11 ) . Over the past few months I’ve noticed a few comments such as “ there are 2 genders “ , “ I don’t support LGBTQ “ . I’ve addressed this in the moment . But recently he found out his new school has an LGBTQ assembly on a monthly basis and he has started saying he doesn’t want to go because “ he doesn’t support it” . I sat down and had a chat with him , I explained to him that it isn’t really his place to choose to not agree with it - it’s not a choice , i explained it as he could say he doesn’t agree with people eating meat as that is a choice he would be making , but someone’s sexuality is their feelings and not a choice.

I am sure comments will allow me to explain more how the conversation went from my side so I won’t drag this post on with that but his comments were unnerving :

• he believes someone chooses to be gay , they can control it but they choose it
• we can choose who we fall in love with
• if a friend of his told him he was gay he would still be friends with them but not as good because they chose to be gay and he doesn’t support it.

I know he is very young and he doesn’t understand and has things to learn. He is the sweetest boy and the way he said these things sounded scripted as though he has heard others say this . I know he is a child and it’s my job that guide him and that’s the advice I’m asking for , how do I address this? I’m not saying I need him to go around advocating I just don’t want these views becoming ingrained and he becomes the reason another student who is struggling, struggles more. I know I may be overreacting but this age and as the years go on is a time that he can be heavily influenced . He’s a quiet, sweet boy and I do believe he could be heavily influenced.

Another concerning thing is that when I asked him where he had heard all this and where it comes from he said his Dad .

"Most teenage boys" are not homophobic, and we shouldn't be excusing or downplaying it. OP is doing the right thing by challenging her son's prejudices. Problems occur when parents make excuses and turn a blind eye.

Hopefully. Where the majority remain on reality island and know you can’t change sex.

Yes agreed.

You have to respect other people but you don’t have to agree with them or echo their views.

I hope DS isn’t gay.

Yet. Exactly. He hasn’t done any of them things. I assuming you haven’t killed anyone YET. So same applies.

I would make sure he understands that people can love whoever they want but I would also make clear that there are only two sexes and it's impossible to change sex though you can dress differently to the accepted norm for your sex if you wish.

Pity for him if he is, with his Dad’s views. He’s taking an intense interest in the matter for an 11 year old, for sure.

This is manosphere territory- seeing gay men as inferior masculinity or not even truly male, because they choose to be gay - I'd be checking what his reading online.

Correct, and I have no intention of committing any crimes because I don’t want a criminal record. But I’m 45 years older than this child. He needs to know the law of the land.

I’m sorry my question was too difficult for you.

How does sexual orientation operate if ‘gender identity’ is prioritised over biological sex?

If a gay man is exclusively attracted to gay men, he is not going to want to include women who identify as men in his dating pool.

A record for homophobic bullying could affect his life chances. I’d nip it in the bud.

This is a trend amongst the younger generation, young men are more conservative than ever (https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/aug/07/gen-z-voters-political-ideology-gender-gap). It is a worrying reversal and there are a lot of persuasive and charismatic men in the manosphere who target young men/ boys.

It's so hard if his dad is espousing these views. Might be an assumption but if you are the default primary parent then children often want to bond, impress the more distant one so idolises them even against their own interests.

I would strive to keep communication open in your home so he talks about the but continue to gently challenge him. John and Hank Green both talk about combating these types of narratives. I would also start introducing him to other male figures who he can look up to. He might be a little young but I recommend Daniel Sloss to teenage boys. He's a bit of an edgy comedian, swears etc, some shock material so feels cool for teenagers but he talks brilliantly about toxic masculinity.

Be very, very aware of his social media use. The algorithm will pick up if he watches anti-gay content and push more and more on him and he will be straight down the red pill nightmare.

What is being covered/ said in these assemblies? I think I'd want to know more about that, as a parent to check it's ok as well as to get an idea what's putting him off.

Does he feel there's aheavy handed agenda bias or that he's been pushed into thinking or feeling things he doesn't feel comfortable with? Like the topic is always being discussed and he's fed up of hearing about it and it's compounded by his dad's views? Or has something happened in his life that shaken him a bit?

It's early days for him and his sexuality and having any real insight into how that works. In time he'll realise you really can't chose what you are attracted to but it's very much an abstract idea at that age. Kids move through stages, he's no where near finished yet.

At nearly 60 I would hope you have the intelligence and life experience to not willingly break the law. An 11 year old is a child. Their brain hasn’t even developed yet. Huge difference. If you’re trying to compare a nearly 60 year old and an 11 year old then that’s quite frankly, deeply concerning.

He’s trying to navigate the bullshit currently imposed on children in the only way he knows how. In all honestly, I don’t think schools should be celebrating sexuality. Who you fancy gas no bearing on whether you are a good person. Schools should celebrate personality traits they espouse, such as diligence, loyalty and kindness, as well as inviting the whole school community to celebrate and feel pride in the achievements of students.

Trans’ is a solution offered as a cure all by organisations and activists who have an agenda

😂😂😂

You could address the choosing to be gay idea with some movies surely - the opposition gay people in the past went through surely makes it clear this isn't a choice.

Kids react if schools are over preachy. We had hymns and prayers but it only put me off Christianity.

As an experienced teacher who has seen several former students go to young offenders’ institutions or prison because they were unaware or didn’t think the law would affect them, and having taught children in young offenders’ institutions, I don’t find my views at all concerning. That’s why we have the assemblies.

OP -

Focus on the gay stuff. Sit with him and talk it through. Ask how he thinks gay people live, if they have jobs, go shopping, have pets, do all the ordinary boring stuff YOU do as a straight woman.

Get him to REALLY think about if gay man is any different at all to anyone else or if it's just as boring a part of their existence as anyone else's (ie a heterosexual person). He needs to understand that a gay man is exactly the same as anyone else except for who he falls in love with. That someone's sexuality is really rather boring & doesn't affect him at all.

The danger in finding things for him to watch/read where a character is gay is there's a habit of making it their whole personality & inadvertently 'othering' them. Maybe other pp could recommend stuff?

Please feel free to report my post if you find it deeply concerning. I hope you showed the same compassion to the killers of Jamie Bulger - their brains were only developing at the time.

This! Brilliant response

I’m sure Ritchie Herron and Keira Bell, both ‘diagnosed’ as really definitely trans and reassured that surgery and hormones was absolutely the right thing for them don’t find it quite as funny. But thanks for reiterating your contempt for victims of the ideology.

Except that it wasn’t the right solution. In Ritchie’s case, I think he realised as soon as he woke up from the penis removal operation. He is now permanently disfigured and incontinent.

The OP’s son isn’t being homophobic though. She expressly says that he’d still be friends with someone who turned out to be gay. That’s basic tolerance. It obviously isn’t homophobia.

The error is when you’ve raised your own standards to tolerance-plus, and you start thinking not-meeting that standard is homophobia. It’s a basic progressive mistake, and once you see it you start to see it everywhere – people start behaving as if it’s an outrage that things aren’t moving in their preferred direction all the time.

The young aren’t having that at all, afaict. Boys anyway. They’re fairly live-and-let-live because they have to be, but they’re not at all on board with that idea of progress. Pushing those ideas on your son is only going to make you look out-of-date.

Oh god why is it transphobia to state - correctly - that there are two genders?
This world is going bloody mad.