To want to nip this in the bud ( LGBTQ views , child )

[Calmorchaos]

I’m after some advice really on how to approach this.

I have always been the type of person to support anyone to be who they are. I’ve never shied away or shielded my children from the world - very much a ‘love is love’ person and always encouraged my children to support those who need it and be inclusive ( in terms of people being bullied , disabilities etc too ) .

My youngest is going into high school ( 11 ) . Over the past few months I’ve noticed a few comments such as “ there are 2 genders “ , “ I don’t support LGBTQ “ . I’ve addressed this in the moment . But recently he found out his new school has an LGBTQ assembly on a monthly basis and he has started saying he doesn’t want to go because “ he doesn’t support it” . I sat down and had a chat with him , I explained to him that it isn’t really his place to choose to not agree with it - it’s not a choice , i explained it as he could say he doesn’t agree with people eating meat as that is a choice he would be making , but someone’s sexuality is their feelings and not a choice.

I am sure comments will allow me to explain more how the conversation went from my side so I won’t drag this post on with that but his comments were unnerving :

• he believes someone chooses to be gay , they can control it but they choose it
• we can choose who we fall in love with
• if a friend of his told him he was gay he would still be friends with them but not as good because they chose to be gay and he doesn’t support it.

I know he is very young and he doesn’t understand and has things to learn. He is the sweetest boy and the way he said these things sounded scripted as though he has heard others say this . I know he is a child and it’s my job that guide him and that’s the advice I’m asking for , how do I address this? I’m not saying I need him to go around advocating I just don’t want these views becoming ingrained and he becomes the reason another student who is struggling, struggles more. I know I may be overreacting but this age and as the years go on is a time that he can be heavily influenced . He’s a quiet, sweet boy and I do believe he could be heavily influenced.

Another concerning thing is that when I asked him where he had heard all this and where it comes from he said his Dad .

Oh give over. Whether you agree with or believe in trans people, the point OP is teaching her child is that people are not choosing to feel that way.

This, and it's concerning op is telling him his thoughts and feelings don't matter, or aren't as important as others and he should acquiesce to others.
@Calmorchaos do you then agree with the LGBTQIA++ (If that's still the correct thing..) that 'love is love' even when that includes the 'love is ageless' viewpoint? Are you still telling him he needs to respect and support that?

Please report any of the anti-trans posts you see.

Sure 🙄. Maybe starting with this…

IMO lesbian and gay people suffer from the idea that sexual orientation is a choice to an extent because of the TQ+

With respect, there may be some things you need to understand better before you try and guide your son

Nobody is trapped in the wrong body. No one has any concept of what it feels like to be the opposite sex so no one can identify a feeling they have as ‘being a man inside’.

No one can change sex, that is not an opinion, that is a fact. If you are fully informed on this you will find it easier to discuss objectively with your son.

The ideology around ‘gender’, identity, and sex based stereotypes is a totally different conversation to that around sexual orientation.

that 'love is love' even when that includes the 'love is ageless' viewpoint?

Sorry what now?

I think you need to keep talking to your son and let him know its ok to have different points of view. But also that he needs to respect other people's opinions and sometimes that means avoiding the subject or agreeing to disagree.
Probably very little you can do about his dad's opinions/ influence, but I would be monitoring/ restricting his phone usage (eg not allowed in his bedroom at night / unsupervised/ max time per day), so he has less opportunity to have these views reinforced by the likes of Andrew Tate.

You need to talk to his Dad about what he's saying to your son, and agree how you're going to address it. You could usefully do some research on how/why people are gay, so you can show him that science shows that people don't choose being gay, there have always been gay people, even when it was illegal, so why would they have chosen it? You could research gay people who are involved in something he's interrsted in - sport, music, science etc, if he can see that people he looks up to are gay, it might make it seem less abstract to him.

The trans issue is different - it's not being bigoted to believe that a person can't change gender, but as with other faiths, they should be left to get on with it and not bullied.

You need to be clear that the school assembly isn't optional - he's going to come into contact with lots of ideas he finds challenging in school, and needs to learn when not to share his views when it's not appropriate.

I would be concerned about the type of friends he'd make if he was vociferously anti-gay - Andrew Tate fans and religious fundamentalists, not groups known for being kind to others.

Far more choice involved in gender identities than lesbian or gay or bisexual ones. Pip Bunce, Eddie Izzard being two examples of this.

Not something ever really discussed , we were never really together it was a bit messy but we have co parented

a person can't change gender, but as with other faiths

Being trans is not a faith.

😭😬. OP did you really think it was a good idea to bring gender into this on mumsnet 🫠 😪. You would get far more helpful responses if you stuck to discussing sexuality and homophobia. If I were you , I’d consider starting again with that.

Can you explain how lesbians don’t suffer from pressure to include men in their dating pool because they identify as women?

Ref also the notorious ‘cotton ceiling’ workshops (a reference to the cotton knickers worn by women only attracted to other women) by a trans identifying male teaching others how to coerce and shame lesbians into having sex with them.

THIS . This is my worry . Where it can all lead

@BundleBoogie i gave up reading your anti trans posts a long time ago

It’s a slogan used by a paedophile organisation as part of their push to remove (sexual) boundaries between adults and children

Which has absolutely nothing to do with gay people or challenging homophobia.

Q can be for questioning. Nothing wrong with that.

Quite. Why are we having any specific assembly every single month. Do we have a system here? Or is it something school have stuck in adhoc to box tick.

why at an assembly?

what is the assembly, what’s its structure.

I have no issue with what you are saying and teaching OP.

but I do not get this forced once a month assembly thing.

as PP have said it should be all encompassing part of a general learning process. Assembly here is to zoom in one whatever has been happening that week, and iron out any issues. plus general education. Bullying, behaviour, lateness, road safety, farm safety, river safety, sun safety, tolerance, inclusion, different religions, LGBTQ. But not one thing once a month forever in school.

This @Tandora and they apparently fall under the LGBTQIA++ umbrella...#NoDebate remember!

Where did I say it was anything to do with gay people.

I think the relevant letter would be the Q.

Have you deliberately missed the point? The poster said “as with other faiths” meaning people from other faiths shouldn’t be discriminated against, like trans people. It’s not the posters fault you can’t read or interpret properly.

Going to say this again but horrified that it appears to be necessary.

Or the mysterious +

I didn’t know that about cotton knickers. In my younger days I always found predatory older males strangely attracted by them.

I'd suggest telling him he has every right to think whatever he thinks and school is supposed to be about teaching students to read, write, do maths, learn science etc so to just sit tight in these assemblies knowing that he knows his own mind and don't join in with the mantras. And the rest he will discuss with you as his parent.

“As with other faiths” implies being trans is a type of “faith” (hence the word “other”) Which is exactly the type of transphobic nonsense regularly espoused by posters on this site.